C'est la fuckin' vie

Value driven actions - I am worth it :)

2012-01-28T03:45:00.000-08:00

Life takes unexpected turns, in a spur of a moment the path you are on might not feel right, might offer many twists and turns and uncertainty ahead.

But these changes dont happen by themselves. As people we stand in front of choices, we take decisions, we walk the directions we believe to give us something.

I've talked about the idea of fighting for the people who you want to have in your life. I realized when I wrote it, that it might be a wishful thinking.. being so couragous to contact, to reach out, to open up to strangers, even if they leave a mark on you which you cant explain.
But if you do take the chance, it just might bring your life to unexpected turns, for the better.

I've always believed I'm capable of anything. And I am.
But if I think something is wishful thinking, not really gonna happen but a nice idea, then I'm never gonna be able to do this, get what I want, to be with the person I want to be.
I'm then gonna settle on something that I might see more "reachable".
Isnt that sad?

few posts ago I wrote about a quote I saw in a book I was reading, "what is your life worth, is it worth the life you are living".
And its a strange sentence but it makes so much sense.
How much to I value my life?
Do my actions and ideas reflect that value?
If I have wishful thinking but dont think I can reach it, am I then not undervalue my life?

My life today is great, because people were not afraid to reach out, to open up, to stop believing in wishful thinking and start believing in what they are worth. And the good thing that came out of this is what they believe fits the value of their lives.
It might not make any sense to you..
but this makes so much sense to me.

As I sit here and write this, I'm realizing more how I need to start valuing my life and thinking that my actions should reflect on how much I do value it, and that I'm worth it.
I hope you do too.

-with love-

evaluation brings me closer to the person I am supposed to become!

2012-01-12T04:46:00.000-08:00

The first post of the year and I was thinking about what to share here.
And after a little brainstorm by myself I decided that maybe the most appropriate topic would be evaluating the year that just passed.
Why evaluating?
Well, in my optinion, if you want to get anywhere in life, no matter where, you have to appreciate your good moments and learn from the bed moments. and evaluating how the year was, the highlights and low points might bring more light to what makes a good year for each and everyone of us.. because it is so individualized.

this was my thought at least.

I'll not go in too much details about my year, that is also not needed unless you want to indentify in each month what made your month and contributed to the learning of the year.
My point of departure begins with a feeling.
How do I feel about the year 2011?

My overall feeling is possitive. I managed to close one chapter of my life and preparing for the next chapter. I feel like 2011 had a big influence in making me the person who I am today and realizing where my passion really is and what I can do with that.
So overall, I'm happy with my experiences throughout the year 2011.

Going into more details of what I mean.
Writing a thesis, doing the organizing, the research, the presentation, it all made me realize that I'm passionate about learning, about creating knowledge and delivering it to those interested.
I already knew this was an interest. but the process during the year made me realize that this is what I want to do with my life.

Another thing I feel i learnt this year is the need to work in all relationships. You always hear "marriage is a house who's foundation needs to be built every day". I think that saying does not only relate to marriages but in all types of relationships. if you do not work on your friendships they dissapear.
That was one of my biggest learnings, from the sad moments this year.

and finally, the events I went through, the loss I experienced this year, made me realize who strong my ties are to my family and how much strength I gain from the relationships.
I always know how much the family meant for me.. but I learnt this year that I actually becomes stronger the better my relationship is with them. And I beliece they become stronger with a stronger relationship as well.

So overall, despite many heartbreaking moments, sadness and crying I feel the laughter, the smiles and the hard work towards success is what made me who I am today. And thinking about 2011 really made me realize it fully.
Having it clear makes you stronger, makes you able to learn, to give something back.. because you know where you stand.

I hope this works for you as well as it worked for me.

-with love-

My new years wishes and thoughts for 2012!

2011-12-31T04:46:00.000-08:00

Today, this last day of the year 2011, a lot of things are passing through my thoughts, some have been longer than others and I feel they maybe worth discussing here.

One of the thoughts I've been having is the topic of priorities and friends.
We all love having friends, they mean a lot to us and we try to be there for them in their times of joy and sorrow. But we also expect them to try the same.
For me, that is the "role" of being a friend.

So what happens when friends "break" that role? the idea that you have of the friendship?
Personally, it takes a lot for me to exclude people that mean a lot to me. But when I feel strongly about the prioritation, the "breaking" of friendship, the lack of being there in times of joy (dont get me wrong, I understand if people have important things, hard things to attend to, other plans or are feeling under the weather) it hurts me. It takes a lot to make me feel hurt.
So my reaction is to disconnect.

Maybe, when you read this you think "what the h***" and fair enough. I think about this often because it hurts when I disconnect from people. I dont take it lightly.
But when you feel the friendship is broken, what is the right way to handle it? how to behave?
Are these even right questions to be asking?

I think, for me, I try to not take my friendship for granted. just like any relationship they require work. And for most of the time I'm happy to do that work. But when you feel the other part is not doing the same "amount" of work you start to wonder. And it is this wondering that makes me disconnecting.

But this sad thought is not the only thought that I'm taking with my into the new year.
I try my best to stay positive, to think about the good things in life because there are many around me and I try to learn more, both about friends, family and myself.
that makes me happy.

The other day I was sitting in a bus, looking out the window with good music in my ear and I start smiling. The moment made me feel good. I was sitting and watching the snow that had fallen during the day, how it made the surrounding even more beautiful than before and I started feeling happy being home with my family.
When I exited the bus and started walking towards the meeting point where I was meeting two good friends the weather was cold but still, the snow made the evening bright and I felt relaxed, I felt at peace and I felt hopeful.

Where I'm going with this thought is that I dont expect others to create my happiness, to make me feel blessed. I can only do that myself.
And in order to do so I have to appreciate every good thing around me. And notice that life is full of beautiful moments, people and events. I just have to be open for them.
And this thought, this feeling from the bus ride and the walk made me realize this.
I started smiling more, and when I do so I feel even better.
And I make others around me feel better.
And then life is good.
isnt it?

Well, these were two very different but important thoughts for me I wanted to share with you, if anyone is reading, and hope to take the awareness with me into the new year.
By doing so I'm hoping for even better 2012 where joy and satisfaction take over fear and sadness.
I wish you a great new year, believe in yourself and be aware that you make your own success and happiness.
Happy new year 2012!

When the person fits dont let him/her slip away.

2011-12-06T04:17:00.000-08:00

It is not that often that I meet a person that I really connect with, I find funny and smart and when I leave I wanna meet that person soon again.
No it is not that often that people leave such a strong impression on me.

So when that happens, how hard should I fight to make sure these people stay in my life?
I work hard to make sure my friends, the ones that I do know mean a lot to me, stay in my life.
but when it is a new person, someone you might not really know but you wanna get to know, someone you have no connection to exept for the connection made when you met, someone who made you feel something, when does that person deserve some fight to stay in my life as well?

Earlier this year I wrote a post about having nothing to lose. And in this sense I do not have anything to lose. Building up a new connection can be hard, can be scary and can make you shy. But you're only trying to connect to another person.
If you dont step on anyones toes to bridge the gap, then you do not have anything to lose, but everything to gain.

then why am I so shy about it?
Why am I so timid and scared of showing others that I like someone?
do others really care?
I mean, do they care that you are reaching out to someone.. do people not just admire others that know what they want and try to reach out to someone they like?
Oh I dont know.. but something about this process is making my extremely shy, but I do not want to give up.
It is making my questioning myself, but I do not want to give up.

When a person is really special.. the process of finding him/her might be the best learning experience you can go throught.
I'm at least going to try to think about it that way.
and keep on reaching out, finding special people, people that make me feel special as well.

- with love -

what is your hard work worth? worth the life you live?

2011-11-29T12:21:00.000-08:00

I'm reading a very interesting book, called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer.
When starting to read the book I wasnt so sure I liked the writing style. It is so different from what you are used to.
But the further I get into the book, the more I read the more facinating it becomes.

The story is very interesting, but what keeps me reading is the interesting questions the characters are asking themselves and others in the book.. they are asking questions we all ask ourselves but put in a way that the reader doesnt have to think about them if he's not in that place. but if he is, then each question sticks out for you to reflect on.
or at least that is how I'm interpret the book, that is my process of reading it.

At one place in the book, the main character is wondering If life was worth all the work it took to live. what exactly made it worth it?

throughout all the questions, the sentences that struck something while I was reading, this one made me stop, read it over again and mark it.
And I wonder why?

And my thoughts came back to my life and the way I live it. I does take hard work to live life. to be the person you want to be, to experience everything life offers. Its hard to keep up with work, with love, with friends, with family, with the outside world, the inside feelings.
life is hard.. for all of us, no matter how good you have it. You have to work for who you are and who you want to be.

What makes it worth it?
why do we do this work?

My guess, because we dont know anything else.
We have ideas and goals, places to see, people to meet, successes to achieve.
and it takes work.
but when you have them. when people are in your life and you reach your goals you just feel it. the satisfaction of doing the best you could. no matter how hard it was.
but for some it doesnt last.
A new goal, new people, new places replace the previous and life becomes hard work again..

This is just my guess..
made from my interpretations..
from my experiences..

but i do think many people would agree to some point.
Or at least I hope so :)

- with love and hard work -

I share my thoughts, would you like to share yours?

2011-11-26T14:34:00.000-08:00

I know this blog is not the most popular one out there, and honestly I'm glad it isnt. I share a lot of personal thoughts and issues and if people randomly find their way here and potentially like what they read, I'm glad.

This blog makes me reflect on me, my situations and my thoughts and actions. I feel it's needed and I hope some people benefit from the questions I ask. maybe it helps someone to start a reflection process, and then the purpose of this blog is fulfilled.

but even though this blog is not popular, I still see I get few views.
And just for the sake of knowing someone is reading it, I would highly appreciate if you (yes you) could take few moments to comment if you like what you read.

If you do not like it you can also share that.

Its not something I need you to do.
It something I would like, being as curious as I am.
Knowing what you, the reader, is thinking.
maybe you can also share your reflections with me.

But I'll keep on posting,
reflecting,
thinking,
asking,
wondering
and writing.

-with love-

Celebration time - come on!

2011-11-24T11:06:00.000-08:00

Almost a whole month has past by without me posting something.
the reason is twofold: first I've been busy and have not had the time to process my thoughts into a post.
second, my thoughts have been so scattered around issues and ideas. No red thread like sometimes. So it has been hard to find out what it is I want to share here.
Since I use this platform for venting purposes. :)

so what has been on my mind enought to want to share it here?
the topic on my mind is achievements.
mainly celebration of achievements you have reached.

everone has achievements, big or small, that need to be celebrated.
why this is so close to my heart is because I've been speaking to some people who have done well for themselves but they dont recognize it, they dont celebrate success and achievements. And because of that, both big and small acheivement loses its impact.

we all strive to become someone, do something, and if we do not celebrate what we have, what we have reached how will we keep motivated to reach our main goals?
this is what I want to share.
Celebrate, share and enjoy every success, little or small (because no success is little in itself).

Motivation is important but it doesnt happen by itself. we have to work for it. and this, what I have been talking about, is just one step in keeping motivated for your tasks and goals in life.
so celebrate, reach achievements and keep on being successful.

- with love -

It's the end of the month as we know it!

2011-10-31T00:50:00.000-07:00

Its the end of the month, and it's the end of a two years experience. Only few more days.
I've been thinking how strange it feels, when one chapter comes to an end and you are not sure what comes afterwards.
the stress is killing me.. both because I want to end the current chapter on a high, an I am stressed for the unknown.

But I'm glad that I have the ability and opportunity to experience different things, that my life is build in a way that I take on new things, potentially more interesting things, regularly.
I'm not in a life where I'm stuck, I cannot get out and therefore I feel unhappy.

So because of this, I'm glad I'm stressed. It means I want to give it my all.
But stress is not good. I wish I had a different way of expressing these nerves.
but no matter what,
with a new month comes new days, new experiences and the potential to be even happier than I am today!

I hope everyone feels the same about their life.. it really is important to be positive and not be afraid of trying new things.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya'll ;)

- with love -

My role as family and a friend! I take it seriously.

2011-10-21T15:15:00.000-07:00

Today was a difficult day for a friend of mine. Technically it was yesterday but as I started to write this post I got lost in previous posts on my blogs and found a video I posted few years back.

It felt right, viewing this video as I pay my respects to my friend and her difficulties. The video reminded me just how important family is to me.

My friend lost her younger brother 5 years ago and today would have been his birthday. It is a day when memories are visited, when tears are allowed to fall, where love is celebrated. It is hard, I'm sure. But my friend is strong.
There is not much I can do to brighten her spirit on a day like today.
except be there and make sure she knows I'm thinking of her and her family, who are all dear to me.

the video I just watched has pictures of my family members who I miss greatly. My grandfather who past away 3 years ago became real again, just for the short moment this video played on.
I miss him.
I miss my family, being so far away.

and friends are my family as well.
So if they are hurting, I am hurting.
therefore I want to be there for my family and friends.
Much as I wish I could help her to be strong, I know that grief will not go away. it is part of the healing process, the process of remembering something precious you had but lost. tears are necessary in that process, smiles are crucial.
And you have to go through the emotions.
I feel it now as I remember my grandfather, with tears in my eyes but smile on my face because the memories are amazing.
I hope my friend feels the same.

And my role in all this, just being there when she needs me, smile with her if she wants, cry with her so she doesnt feel alone.
And she will do the same for me!!

that is family!
-with love-

Imagine it - and live it!

2011-10-20T03:52:00.000-07:00

These past few days a lot of things and issues have been crossing my mind. Future paths, education, love, life, family and much more.
I decided to take one of the issues I've been thinking about and discuss it with friends. Getting others perspectives helps me confirm my thoughts or even encourage me to challenge what I believe.
So I did.

The issue is imagination. the reason why this has been on my mind is because every now and then I hear people talk about imagine this and imagine that, and what is their ideal work, ideal partner, ideal life.
I completely agree that you have to have a lively imagination, otherwise how can you build dreams and visions of your life?
How can you figure out different ways to reach your goals?

But as everything, imagination can be too lively.
it can take over and hinder actions as well.

I have a very active imagination. I love imagining new senarios, what my life can look like, what I am capable of and I get what I want and need in life.
A day doesnt go by without me imagining something. and I love it. It motivates me, inspires and drives me.
But does it work the same way for everyone?

Do all people use their imagination like that?
The reason I ask this question is because I know people who dare to use their imagination. they have a very active one.
But they only imagine.
They do not act on it.
They do not use it to drive them, motivate them or inspire.
They get frustrated because their life is not as "good" as they imagine..
They get angry when they do not get what they want/need.

For these people, the imagination is not a positive force.
its hindering them to be what they want, who they are, and strive towards they are capable of.

That's why I wanted to discuss this with people.
What do people think about the value of imagination and the ability to imagine life, love, and career?
the answers are as diverse as people are diverse.

The phrase "its only in your imagination" is usually said with a bad meaning.
But does it have to be?

In my opinion, imagination is just one tool we were given to find our way in this life.
We just have to harnish it, direct it and use it wisely.
I, at least, am trying to.
And I enjoy it when it works.
You should try it as well!

-with love-

I have decided to not be hurting in vain!

2011-09-30T11:32:00.000-07:00

Last post I discussed that life isnt fair, that sadness is a part of it but it is up to us as people, to pick us up and make sure we become stronger out of it.
as easy it is to say this/write this, it is hard to actually manage. when we hurt, we stay focused on the pain.. until it is maybe too late to become strong - it has worn us down.

Me personally, I have realized that I've started this process. I try to pick myself up early enough to look the pain in the eyes and say "what happened? why did I react this way? what could I have done differently? what do I want to learn from this?"
of course, I do not do this in all situations, some are just too hurtful to even think about this.

one of the hurtful situations many people go through are breakups.
I personally have not experienced many of those - but those I have were painful.
many people cannot stay friends after the fact, maybe rightly so, but I find it sometimes sad. this person, you maybe spent long time with and experienced good and bad times with, is now just out of your life.
then my question becomes this: "why is this breakup taking place? what did I do that contributed to it? and what would I want to get out of this?"
Again, very easy to write and maybe not so easy to think about when you are hurting.

but because of this.. the guys I have experienced breakup with are today my friends. those that I decided after thinking about it before it was too late, before hurtful words were said and before I completely closed my heart to them, stayed in my life.
And I'm so grateful for it.

Those I want to keep in my life have shared some intimate moments, I have shared my feelings and opened my heart.
these people I dont want to lose.
be they ex boyfriends or friends.

if the learning from the hard times proves I want you in my life, I'll do my best to keep you there.
But it takes effort to reflect, to think what will I learn when I'm hurting.
I know that..
but I'm also aware of that I have to try.
I want to try.
because going through the hurt and pain and not learn what I can from it,
feels like having gone through it all in vain, and that for me is even worse.

SO I hope, as you may read over this.. some of it makes sense.
that you believe you can learn more from life that you think.
You just have to decide to do so.
it's not easy,
but doable!

-with love-

Good vs. Sad: what will be your learning from the pain?

2011-09-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

No one ever said that life was fair so I try never to take things for granted and work for what I want, hang out with friends, talk everyday with my family and hang on to things that make me smile.

Life has good things, bad things, great things, sad things and everything in between to offer. Well, its not so much as offering but forcing.
and as people, we prefer, of course, the great happy things.
but when sad things happen, it is then when you understand your strength as a person, your relationship with your family and friends, and you learn to appreciate the good things in life again.
but somehow, when time passes, we are likely to forget what we learnt from the event, our strength, our hopes, our valuable relationships and only focus on the hurt that followed.
and even though it is said, that time heals all wounds.. its not completely true.
some wounds are so deep.

so for me, even though I face sad and hurtful events in my life, I try to support my family, I try to heal the relationships that I have, and I try not to forget.
I cry.
I cry even more.
and then, as time passes.. I look back at the sad events in life and try not to think so much about the hurt they caused, but the strength that I showed. I think about the friendships that I have to tend to, my relationship with family that I have to keep strong and loving.
I know it might be strange to read this,
but the only hope I have for writing this post is that people understand that dont think only about Good vs. Sad things..
but think more about how do I react with certain events, and what do I have to learn from them. Especially the sad ones, as we might tend to think only about the hurt they brought (which I cannot say, "let go"). but try to take it one step further.

Life isnt fair,
It is full of hurt, sadness, pain and cries.
But it is also full of broken relationships, friends that are around the corner and strength waiting to be used.
and my experience is that, these things need nurturing, and usually the thought starts when you're hurting.
so learn from it, dont allow it to break you.
be strong.. that is the time to be so.
and you'll be able to look back with sadness and hurt but still understand that you did whatever you could to come out of it a better person, a person who's family relies on, depends on and looks up to.

Isnt that something we all want and strive for?

I want to be someone people feel they can trust, talk to, lean on, and cry (or smile)with.
but I have to learn to be that person.
and I believe I'm on that learning path.
what about you?

- with love -

being able to take opportunities - it requires work!

2011-08-19T02:21:00.000-07:00

Another month is passing by, life goes on, situations change but you always feel the same - you never change as well.
Or do you?

I havent had the time lately for personal reflections, interesting conversations (exept about my thesis) or experiencing new things. Life just flies by without me, I feel.

but there are moments in life that are worth grabbing, in the speeding reality we live in. we might not see them as they fly by as well... but we have to keep our eyes open, our minds aware and body able to grab them when we see them.

so what does that mean?
what does it mean when someone says "keep your eyes open" for something/someone?
I mean, we have our eyes open most of our waking time.. so it doesnt make sense - or does it?

I guess that not everyone takes it so literal.
But I think its more than just having your eyes open, if you dont want to miss out on something.
I believe you have to mentally prepared as well. without self-awareness and mental strength you will not be able to comprehend what you are "seeing". You will not be able to connect the "view" with your life and what you want out of it.
but it's also not only about mental strength.
I believe as well that it is about physical strength.
Ok.. not maybe about being able to benchpress 100kg, but it's about the balance between body and mind. if you keep your mind sharp as well as your body.. you are more motivated to grab the opportunities that your eyes are open for.
Being able to comprehend the opportunities is one thing.. being able to run after them to catch them is another thing.

Therefore, I believe.. in this fast changing world, where opportuntities come and go, you as a person with goals and ideas need to understand what it takes to get where you want to go without losing to speedy environment and people in a hurry.

life always has something to offer.. be prepared to figure it out.
it requires some ability on your behalf, but nothing you cant work towards.
sharp eye, sharp mind and strong body.. and you're good to go.
Or at least I believe so :)

- with love -

Emotional baggage - where to leave it behind?

2011-07-29T00:41:00.000-07:00

It's interesting how emotions work/dont work.
I have absolutely no idea, sometimes, why I feel the way I feel or why I'm not feeling something I think I should be feeling.

Last night, as I was practicing playing the guitar I decided to try to play one song. This is a beautiful song but I realized I hadnt heard it for almost 8 years but I sometimes think about it.
The reason I think about it is because I relate the song with a very sad and hard decision I had to make 8 years ago.
so of course I have gone out of my way to not hear it.

But somehow yesterday I though I would give it a go, especially since I would just be badly playing it and singing it myself.

After the first 5 worlds I just burst into tears.
I felt all these emotions, sadness, lonlienss, regret, wonder and lack of hope, just fill my consciousness.
And I couldnt stop crying.

I have often thought about the decision I took and I dont regret it.
I have come to terms with it, I even made sure I will always remember the choice I made and why it was the right decision.
I have talked to family about it.
I have cried, I have smiled, I have been hurt and I have been satisfied.
so I thought I had worked through my issues.

Yesterday, after only 5 words from one song.. I am not so sure I have worked through them all.
why would I cry if there is not something that is bothering me?
why cant I listen to a song that reminds me of hard times, when I believe I have made peace with my decision?
why are emotions so hard to control or even to understand?

Maybe my issues run deeper than I expected.
or maybe its not the decision I'm still having problems with, but the fear of no future possibilities.
maybe it's the fact that I'm losing hope, more than strengthen it.
maybe the decision I took many years ago, scared me in more areas than I knew.
Whatever it is, there is still some emotions lurking around, making me realize I need to do something more than I have been doing so far.

I just dont know what!
-with love-

Recent thoughts being challenged to gain the most from life!

2011-07-16T12:08:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting converstation today that made me rethink my thoughts I posted here yesterday about taking chances and not being afraid of losing out.
my cousin wanted to know if I would risk altering a great memory by reaching out to something that might not even be there in the first place.
and it's a valid question.

when you meet people, they leave impressions on you and then you go your seperate ways, you are left behind with the memories of laughter, jokes, kisses and fun.
if you reach out to that person, maybe not sure what will come out of it, those memories might lose its charm, they might change.
and why would they change?
Well, my thought is that, if that person does not answer, then your thoughts are colored with sadness.
if that person does answer but with negative feedback, your thoughts are colored with anger.
if that person does answer and with possitive feedback, your thoughts might drift away from the already created memories to hoping for future memories (again something that might not even happen)

So it is a fair question to ask someone who, like me, doesnt want to lose people from my life.
but is it always worth it, to reach out?
now, that's a topic I would love to discuss with someone out there.
because I'm honestly not sure.
Of course, memories are great, they create the life I lead and impact the path I take.
but if there is a change for something more, bigger impact, more stable impact.. wouldnt I want to take that chance?
I sit and I wonder, does it always pay of to take chances - is there something to lose but I just didnt realize it?

I guess this topic will need some more reflection on by part.
I want to make sure I get the best out of life - be that great memories, new people as friends and changing paths along the way.
I just need to think this through!

-with love-

nothing to lose, everything to gain!

2011-07-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

I have been reading over my previous posts here and honestly they are very sad and heavy. maybe because I find it so hard to talk about it when I'm hurting, when something is bothering me or when I feel I'm not doing great.

The reason I wanted to start with this is because the other day I was talking to a friend of mine, and he says a thing that really made me think.
"I should introduce you to another friend of mine. She could learn a lot from you about enjoying life and being open minded"
so even if I'm hurting or having things on my mind, I make an effort in not taking it down on my friends. I want to make sure we have good times together as that might also help me in my thought process.

I have also decided to try (key word here try) to change my attitude and take more changes. I want to think I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
therefore I will not follow stupid rules in human relationships, rules that I feel just hinder growth and potential new friendships.
why should I lose out, just because I am too afraid to take a chance?
and if others dont agree then at least I tried.
more I cant do.
And I think that is what having an open mind also includes.
Not be closed of to experiences, people or processes - to challenge what others do and how things are expected to be done!

I hope to live up to this image my friend has of me.
I hope to continue take chances, because I'm the one who gains, others are the one that loses out on my relationships.
I hope to keep on writing my thoughts here to be able to keep on a smile and enjoy my time with friends and family.
I hope this will lead me to something great.
I'm sure it will.

-with love-

By the power of gray skull - give me courage!

2011-05-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

What makes people have courage?
both courage to jump out of planes, to start their own business and to show that special someone they're interested.. I find that admirable.

I have always believed that I'm a brave person. I dare to dream, I dare to start new adventures but when it comes to one area.. relationships with people, I can be so timid. I lose my strength and i question myself.

But recent events have shown me that I dont have to be afraid of what I have to offer.
Not everyone will like it. Fair enough. not everyone are for me either. So I shouldnt let that take me down.
So I have decided I'm not gonna be too afraid any longer. It's not going to happen over night but I can all ready feel a bit of a difference in they way I present myself to others.

Another thing I want to do is to have the courage to not play any games.
if I like someone, I'll tell him that.
If he doesnt appreciate that I will have the courage to walk away but feeling good about the fact that at least I tried.
I cant do any more than that.
So this new approach to future relationships hopefully will prove to be good.
but if not, at least I learn from the experience.

-with love-

The love of sharing makes you stronger!

2011-05-27T06:46:00.000-07:00

This month has been a month of reunions, month of smiles and laughter, month of exploring and month of challenges.
it's interesting that some months are just more positive than others, some are more brighter in colour and some just feel gray and sad.
May was a colorful month for me.
and what made it so bright and sparkling?
the people around me.

I am a quiet person but I have my moments when I'm outgoing and thrive well with others.
But that is also depending on the people around me.
May was full of friends coming for a visit but not only that.
it was not only visiting me at this new place but also to reconnect and share life.
I had forgotten how good that feels.

I believe that we, as people, believe we are outgoing, love to have people around us but we dont really share our life, love, sorrows and thoughts with the people close to us.
We allow them in to certain extent, but full on invitation is not given.
this is true to most people.
But usually we have few individuals we allow completely into our space, our thoughts, our presence.
and those people I love to reconnect with.
And not only do I love it..
I need it.
I miss it.
Sharing part of my experience, learning from others and smiling is what gives my life color, gives it meaning, and makes me stronger.

I believe the month of May made me stronger, more passionate and happier.
how can that not be a great package to take into the next month.
- with love -

is motivation always enough?

2011-05-20T01:24:00.000-07:00

Have you realized that when you get motivated about one thing, your motivation for other things you have to do fades? Or is that just me?
I am working on my final paper and I am extremely interested in the topic but as more and more challenges arrive I start focusing on other things I'm passionate about. And my motivation for those things grows and gets me all excited. But my motivation for the final paper dissapears :(

Another thing that I see happening more and more with me is that I can only focus a short while on each project. If I try to stay to focused for a longer time I get restless and less productive than I could be.
I need to have many projects going on..
but that also means that it takes me longer time to finish what I have started... because I start so many things.

I believe I'm a very motivated person. I get highly motivated very easily, through arts, music, people, conversations, books and through much more. however, my drive to be productive is not as easily sparked.
I always thought motivation drives you - and I still believe that it can and will.
But it's not the only factor. I guess.
But what are then also part of driving productivity?

In my case, if I'm motivated but not organized I dont get things done.
I get easily distracted as I find so many other things interesting.

So what can I do to be better?
I know I can be better.
I know I can be productive and motivated and deliver on all the exciting projects I have started. But I also realize that I might need help getting to that point.
where do I start looking?

Well, if anyone out there can share some light - I would be very glad.
- with love -

AHA moment brought to me by the sun!

2011-05-03T07:44:00.000-07:00

The other day I was walking, the sun was shining and I had great music playing on my iPod and I started thinking a bit about what I have been writing here. And I realized that I have been painting a very negative picture.. but not on purpose. It's just because when I feel down I start to ask questions and it is from there I believe I'm learning the most.

But as I was thinking about this I was basking in the sun and I felt a smile coming... i understood that when I'm happy, satisfied and/or excited I learn different things about myself, my friends and my capabilities.
this sunny day I felt empowered, I felt strong and I felt happy about me.

So, this short blogpost will be about this..
I learn from my challenges in life, and for that I'm so thankful. Without growth and learning I will not be where I am today.
But I realized that where I am today and who I am today makes me happy.
I'm proud and I'm excited about the future..
and I learned that just by smiling and enjoying myself when the conditions allowed me to do so..
and for that I'm thankful as well.
I grow through challenges and happiness.
I can feel it!

- with love -

Personal growth from bad decisions - will I ever learn?

2011-04-23T04:29:00.000-07:00

It's so interesting to realize how you are changing as a person, you feel the changes happening and people are noticing and appreciating them as well.
I feel I'm going through this changes these past few weeks and I'm glad that this transformation is happening.
I was happy with who I was as a person but I also understood that there is room for improvements and areas of knowledge I need to dive in to become even closer to the individual I want to be and live the values I have identified for me.

But what I find even more interesting is the reasons you go through these changes, the events, people and places that drive this transformation into action.
Everyone has different reasons, different aspirations and different AHA moments that drives their changes.
But as long as we all know what it is that can have these impacts on us, we are able to tap into them and actually become the reflection of what we believe and live accordingly to that image. Someone we can be even prouder of being.

I have gone through so many transformational period just in the past 4 weeks.
people in my life are challenging me in a good way, I'm redifining what love, passion, happiness and strength means to me and I'm challening my thoughts on how I can become happy.
I am having great discussions with people where I have to argue for my point of view and I'm learning more about myself in that process.

However, unfortunatly there comes bad actions among those good ones that take your development back few steps.
I have also been through this, something that really made me question myself as a person. but I have to live with it, what's done is done and now I have to learn from it as well to make sure it doesnt define who I am. I will still become the person I believe I can be.
So this negative action will most likely drive me even more towards my development.
but I hope I will not have to go through more of these negative ones on my path.. but if that happens, I sure hope I'm strong enough of a person to learn from it and make sure it doesnt define who I am.

I hope that drive will define who I am instead!
-with love-

happiness being left in the past

2011-04-19T06:31:00.000-07:00

The other day I was sitting with the sun shining on my face and listening to a song called "you could be happy" by Snow patrol.
What came to my mind at the time is that I might not allow myself to embrace happiness as much as I could. In previous post I was talking about expectations and how they are usually built on sand but not carved in stone and based on sound reasons. And that is why they break down easily.
That for me, is the story of my search for happiness.. I build my hopes and happiness on the sand I have around me, hoping for the stable future.

But one's mind is hard to change when it has decided something. I believe that's also why my reasons are not solid. Because I'm stuck in the past, not allowing my head and heart to move on.
Dont get me wrong.. whenever I think more about this, I belive I allow myself to depart more and more from the past but it's a long and tiresome process.

Maybe this is all about not allowing me to embrace who I am and what I have to offer to new people in my life?
Or scared that the happiness and love once had will never return, and therefore I hold on?
But it wont come back, not the same love and happiness. Potentially, if I allow it, it will be even better.
But I feel I'm not allowing this to happen - at least not as fast as it could be.
I wonder!

When does wrong become right?

2011-02-24T12:55:00.000-08:00

I think it's quite interesting this process of having expectations to people/events.
I just experienced a dissapointment recently because I had built up unrealistic expectations to a person. Actually, that person hadnt given me any reason to do so, but the events coming up led me to believe more was to be expected.
And of course that was not the case.

But what strikes me as interesting is this.. even though I was expecting something more, deep down I knew nothing would happen. But I somehow overlooked it. It kept popping up in my mind "it's not gonna happen" but I still went on keeping high hopes, for something that was not there.
Why did this happen?
Why did I build up an idea, hope, an expectation when deep down I knew it would never be?

Is it the fact that I'm searching for dissapointment?
or do I want to believe I'm wrong?
Or do I dare to hope without reason? but is that "healthy" then?
if there is no logic, reason, chance... why build up something that will be taken down, potentially a harsh experience?

It's not that I'm dreaming big,
it's not that I'm setting realistic expectations,
it's not that I'm reading situations right...
it's more that I'm being silly, trying to believe or trying to hold on to what could be/what was.
and that's not so good.
or is it?
I found this very interesting as I feel the dissapointment today.. still sad that my expectations were not met.. and that I should maybe have listened to "myself".
well, you live some you learn some!
or what?

-with love-

Happy Valentines Day - Every Day!

2011-02-14T12:32:00.000-08:00

It's becoming a tradition for me to express myself on this day - Valentines Day.
This year though, my need is not as strong. I'm not sure why.
Maybe I'm more at ease, people around me not focusing to much on this day and/or I feel love in one way or another almost every day. Who knows?

My messages last year and the year before have been around the fact that people should not have to buy into this commercialization of Love, that one day is not enough to show love and that celebration of love does not have to mean being in love.
I still completely agree still today. It's very intersting to have this kind of blog and look back on previous years and my believes at different times.
Sometimes your believes adjust to new learning and knowledge but some always stay the same no matter what others believe to be true.
This topic is one of those - one that I still stand firmly behind.
Valentines Day is fine to have a special occation to be kinder to people than the next day - but all days should be platforms for celebration.
If not then why bother being in love - if you can only show it once a year based on calander?

I really hope people take notice that Valentines Day - Day of Love - can also be about saying I love you to friends and family.
I really hope people only use this day to be extra special in their demonstration of love - still focusing on love all other days.
I really hope people are true to theirselves when they celebrate - not following the mainstream. The same thing might not be the right way to showcase love for all people.

But as the day of love fades from our calender I'm glad I take this day to reflect on my relationships, my priorities and my definition of love.
I believe that's the ultimate goal with this day!
And that I can buy into.

- with love -

inspiration is important - motivation is the key.

2011-02-12T14:25:00.000-08:00

It's strange to realize that things that inspire you are so diverse and unpredictable. And as long as you are open to instant messages, reflection questions and motivational boost it can come from people you never expected to have those influence on you and from events/artifacts that you never really knew could be inspiring to a person like you (whatever that means).

the other day I went to a national gallery in Copenhagen and without expecting it I felt empowered and inspired by pictures, paintings, personal quotes and dialouge with people.
I never take it for granted to be motivated.
it's hard, it required work.
and sometimes I forget and let it slip away.
When that happens it can be so hard to get a grip and start again, get inspired to do what you love to do, be with people you love and follow the path your heart has put you on.

Therefore it's so important to be open and take in motivation and inspiration whereever it's offered, when you need it the most as well as when you believe you have no use for it. ( I believe that usually when we believe we dont need it, is the time when we need it the most ).

I hope I never lose this ability, to take in power from others. To look at others achievements and say "I wanna be great as well" and stay creative.
Sometimes I'm afraid that the working environment we have in Europe especially, it kills motivation, dreams, hopes and learning.
Something that scares me.
Something I want to avoid.
Something I want to change.

I want to be inspired by others, and I want to inspire others.
I hope I can be!

- with love -

All I got for Christmas was what I wanted!

2010-12-29T06:15:00.000-08:00

The Christmas holiday season is one of my most favorite times of the year. Time to be with family and understand how truly blessed you are as a person. It's time to rekindle friendships that are becoming rusty by spending time with people who mean a lot to you, laugh and smile, talk and listen, love and be loved!
Who does not love the feeling that comes with this?

Since I came home, hugged my family and saw how big my little nephew has gotten I've been quite emotional. smallest happy thoughts, sad moments, lovely gestures by friends make me cry. I'm emotional but more importantly, I'm happy.
I count my blessings for having amazing people around me.

What I also like around this holiday is the peace and calm I feel around my people, despite the fact that the whole country is going crazy due to stress.
My famlily's priority is to enjoy each other company rather then doing everything, cleaning everything and see everything.
I love that, that's Christmas for me.
Being relaxed, love my company, love the food and just soak in the energy that comes with being happy.

As the new year soon will knock on the door I want to wish those how read this, happy holidays. may you also enjoy it as much as I do and spend it the way that brings you the most joy!

- with love and holiday spirit -

back to the past that I cant let go of.

2010-11-28T02:44:00.001-08:00

I was watching a tv show called The Forgotten and in the end there was a talk that really struck me and made me think. "I wanted to go back. But you cant go back, people change.[...]Places can be magic, and certain times in your life can be magic too. But when they go, you have to let them go. I know that know. you still take them with you."

I have talked about this before.. letting people/things go when you should, even though it's hard for you. These sentences here above are true. those time might have been magical but magic doesnt last forever. nothing really does. So in order to keep the image of magic and smiles alive - you have to let it go before it becomes worse. Then you only will remember those bad times, where magic doesnt exist.

But how do you "allow" people to leave your heart, your mind, your thoughts?
How can you do this without falling apart?

I believe there are magical moments I try to relive, keep close to me, even though the time has past and the people dont share the same feelings as back then. But I find it so hard to let go of this magical feeling, the smiles, the happiness it brought me.
But I know i have to.
And sometimes I think I have already let go... but then I realize I'm not even close.
What makes me hold on when I should let go?

So many questions with no possible answers just floating around.
I hope to think more about this and even come to some conclusion... If I do, I will share it here!

-with love-

thinking few steps ahead!

2010-11-26T05:30:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking more and more about my next steps, my future and where I see myself in that context.
Part of that picture is having a family ( hopefully )even though my current situation does not support that dream, being single and all. Even so, this is a big part of my future as I see it.
fair enough that I'm having these dreams, but the thoughts that come after that are the ones that really cought my attention.

a little background is needed before I explain my thoughts, or at least I wanna share.

I believe I grew up to be a good person, I'm well raised ( I think so ), I'm resectful and I have great relationship with my parents, my brother, my grandparents and other family member. of course I've been rebellious but nothing that is not normal for teenagers growing up. I believe this about my brother as well, he's a great person, hard working, caring and honest.
These traits, I stongly believe, are there due to our upbringing - that is, the way my parents raised us.

back to what I've been thinking about when this family picture of the future comes to mind.

I'm very nervous that I will not be able to do as good job as I believe my parents have done. that scares me.
I know that it will come when the time is right but I believe I have big shoes to fill and that scares me as well.
I want a great relationship with my children, I want them to respect others and I want them to love life.
It's not time for me yet to think about this, but I still do.
I wanna be prepared - as I'm scared of this role, this role that I also can not wait to take on with a great partner ( hopefully I'll get there ).

So my question is just simple - what makes people great parents?
Yeah, just wondering like always!

- with love -

Pride belongs to those who work for it!

2010-10-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

Today I read an online article from a woman and the title was "for the first time I'm ashamed of being Icelandic". the article was interesting and I agree with most of her arguements.
However I have to comment on one thing she says, it might be a minor detail but it struck a nerve with me and I feel I should tell my opinion as well.

She talks about what made her proud of being Icelandic, the health system, the pure nature and the safety of the people.
These are all fair points and I agree with them.

Most people might be aware of the situation that is currently in my country. financial crisis, bank crisis and in a way there is a political crisis as well. Somewhere the government ( if I can call it that ) needs to find money in the system to sustain the state. It's hard as we are facing huge deficites and debts. It's up the to people in at the parliment to find ways for us out of this.
And of course the "only" solution is to cut down in our services. It's harsh, I dont agree with everything but the money needs to come somewhere.
However, that's a topic for a whole another discussion. One that I think will not be done here.

What struck me is that she claims being ashamed of being Icelandic because of the actions our government are taking. That the decisions they have taken strips away her pride of our country. Fair enough. I also dont agree with those decisions. I believe there can be solutions found elsewhere.
But what I can not say is that I'm ashamed of being Icelandic. On the contrary. I am proud of my nationality. What I'm ashamed of are the people claiming to be working in our best interest.
These people who strive to save their own role, their own asses, their supporters opinion to gain more money from them later on.
These are the people I feel should be ashamed of calling themselves Icelandic.
Not me.
I have done what I can to support my country. It's not much but I try.
I'm proud to be Icelandic and I'm proud to actually want to change things back home, that I care, that I dont agree with those people who with their actions are driving the nation further down the drain.
These people should not be proud to call themselves Icelandic AND say they are working for the people.

So I mostly agree with this lady, she makes good points, fair arguments but I dont think we are the ones who should be ashamed.. Not at all.
Now is the time to protest and show the "government" what it means to be ICELANDIC!
That's my opinion.

- with love -

All we need is love - but what does that mean?

2010-10-11T06:32:00.000-07:00

I'm watching these TV shows called OZ. They are about maximum security prison in the USA and scary to mention as well.. but what I find extremely interesting is the part of the narrator in the show.
He's part of the prison inmates but his major role is to, in my opinion, to challenge and give food for thoughts. How intereting! in a prison tv show!

One of the toughts they were provocing is using the saying "head over heels" when talking about love. This saying, originally, comes from old Britain when people committed a crime of some sort they were hung upside down, with their heels over their head. from there on out it was used when you were in a position of no control, in state of helplessness. so why use that phrase when it comes to being in love?
- their comment was; being in love IS like being helpless, being out of control. Sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a negative way. It was quite interesting to hear this.

And it all came together when I watched a movie called The holiday. One part of that movie, one of the main character is talking about being in love. Some people are in love with each other but many ( unfortunately ) are in love without having that love being reciprocated. It's painful, you feel helpless and out of control of your own emotions.
No one ever talks about these people, these unlucky ones that go through being "head over heels" literally speaking in love.

so I have to wonder, if explanations are taken from painful experiences to showcase what love is, or what it means to be in love - is love then partly negative?
My experience of love is both negative AND positive. And most of the time it's been a painful process of helplessness and doubt.
But there are experiences of joy, satisfaction, strength and peacefulness in there as well.

Love, as a topic for discussion, is extremely interesting. People have different views on what it means and how to show love. All we can agree on is twofolded; that it is hard, to either be in love alone or with someone, even if the end result of this hardness is good or bad. and that we all disagree on what love actually means!

- with love -

the book that should be open - people!

2010-09-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

I sometimes find myself wonder why it can be so challenging to read people, understand their motives and therefore prevent being hurt later on in the communications and/or relationship.
I do believe I'm a bit naive when it comes to this matter, but I also want to believe that I'm learning.. but sometimes it doesnt really look and feel like I am.

Being a woman, I'm aware that females often overinterpret behaviors, words and signs. I'm fully aware of that. But somehow, when the signs are just SO DAMN clear but the behaviour doesnt support them I get confused. I doubt and wonder.
Its hard enough to get to know people without all these games, rules, lies, bluffs and whatnot. I'm just not able to play at the same level as some people do.
And because of that I suffer, I misread people and I feel I've been let on and then let down.

I'm fully aware that I want to believe the best in people but I also have had the experience that it's hard to see or get to know people that well that they are willing to show you their best.
they, instead, have this mask on, that is attached with behaviour that is built on defense and blocking. Although they deep down might want to share, open up and the signs are there - it's just hard to break old habits, to unmask and stand there vulnerable.
But I sometimes feel I'm the only one that tries to take her mask of ( I dont intend to say I'm the only one without a mask - I know that's not true ).

I just want to be able to read people, understand their behaviours and live my life without being hurt, being let down and walked all over.
I hope, I sure do, that it comes with time and practice, experience and wisdom.
- with love -

So you think you can dance????

2010-09-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

I had a very intersting conversation with a friend the other day.. and it just came to me again today as this day has been a little more complicated than days before.
the conversation was about living life as it was a dance. it brings twists and turns, backsteps, front steps, jumps and twirls. And when you dance with others it brings you more joy than you could have imagine.

However, just like dancing, you need to practice. Otherwise you will not be able to dance with others, you stay off balance and your rythm is not right.

Life is like that. what we do now, this hard, complicated, confused time of our life is our practice. We are getting ready to do the dance we so desperatly want to dance sooner rather than later.
today is a hard day of practice. I'm realizing that I allow people to dance with me that have no intention to help me grow as a dancer, no intention to stay with me the whole practice and be my partner in crime while dancing.. and when I find out I become sad. I start to doubt myself. I feel little.
So even though I've been pracicing for years now and my dance is slowly coming together.. I find myself wondering if Im pracicing the wrong dance.

How can I be sure Im supposed to be dancing a salsa and not a wals?
these are just few thoughts Im having...
-with love and dance-

with life full of teachers

2010-09-06T06:49:00.000-07:00

Although I have not been writing this passed month it's not because of lack of topics, low energy or few thoughts in my head.. on the contrary.. there has just been lack of time to put them into words and post them here.

I love learning from others, I seek out people, I ask questions, I enjoy being inspired by amazing people. and often I know where to look for answers to my questions, who to speak to to become inspired, what to do to learn.
But sometimes my AHA moments, those moments when I'm learning something unexpected, something I feel so important, come when I least expect them to arrive - from people I did not expect to be so insightful. and the beauty of it, they're not even trying to be, they just are at this moment. what they are saying hits home and my AHA moment arrives.

This happened to me this summer when two people, one very close to me and one who used to be very close to me, just in a converstation said something that left a foodprint in my mind, hit a nerve, something about this random conversation had a hidden message for me... without them knowing it.
this made me think and reflect on myself, my behaviour and my ideas about myself.
it was so interesting.

And the most interesting part was that these people, these unexpected "teachers" dont know it.
This summer gave me some material to reflect on myself but with this post I wanted to remind people that we can learn from everyone - we all have insights, experiences, feelings that we can share, inspire with and also teach.
Dont judge the book by it's cover if you really want to learn, reflect, grow.
allow your mind to be open to the "magic words" from all around. Not just from those directions you expect them to arrive from.
You will be amazed by the insight into peoples life and the AHA moments that insight can and will bring.
allow yourself to learn from everyone..
and people will be able to learn from you as well.

I'm facinated, I'm ready to learn
- with love -

Rollercoster of life!

2010-07-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

these past few days have been hard, strange but with hint of happiness..
I haven't been able to formulate my thoughts, my feelings as this week is coming to an end. Sometimes when life takes on those bigger rollercoster rides your head keeps spinning as you dont take the time to digest your emotions.. you dont feel the whole experience, you stay numb. or at least I feel sometimes like that.

But it is hard to keep up with rollercoster of emotions, feelings, frustrations, happiness... and therefore I'm afraid I dont take as much out of it as I can.. as I want.
I need to be more active in asking questions, digging deeper and analyse myself.. specially in rollercosters, as those moments might showcase the most who I am, how I react and where my points of improvements are.
Not everyone thinks of these things.
I haven't for a long time but I want to start thinking again..
to be better,
to be happier,
to be healthier.

but how can I do this?
Where and how to start?
I will look into this and hope for the best... as I have never been a huge rollercoster fan ;)
- with love -

to tell or not to tell - where is the line?

2010-07-15T21:34:00.001-07:00

it's interesting how you always think afterwards about things you should have said. Specially in situations when the outcome was negative.
Sometimes you wonder if you were too harsh, sometimes you wish you had said how you really feel.. but sometimes you know you were right, but it still feels bad, strange, empty.
Why is that?
why do we sometimes wish we hadn't said how we felt, knowing we had the right to share that, inform the person about it, in order to have clear and honest communications?
Why do we always think of how others feel about how we feel?

Of course it's not good to be rude, but if you feel like saying it, you think it will help in communications and clear the air, then my opinion is TELL IT.
But be able to explain your reasons, your arguments for doing so!
I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one feeling like this!

decisions decisions decisions!

2010-07-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

Some decisions are easier than others, and some are breeze to make. it's those hard ones that really question myself on how well I know me and what I want in life.
It's hard when you feel the need to make decisions that you are not 100% sure you wanna make but you can feel the need for them anyway.
But these decisions are those that shape our lives in many cases.

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. ~Roy Disney

This statement is speaking to me now,
I have worked very hard to become who I am today.. someone I'm proud of, someone with good values and someone who loves life.
By knowing what I want, what I value, should help me in my decision making.
But sometimes it's hard to see clearly.
Take for example Love.
I have been in love... and I wish to experience that feeling again as it is wonderful.
However, I seem to keep holding on to something/someone that reminds me of that past, that feeling, that love.
But in order to stay true to my values I need to let go, start to open up again, and not sell myself short/undermining my worth.
But its hard.
But as this statement shows, If I want to show my worth to others I have to believe it myself and walk the talk.
And that walk usually starts with hard decisions.
So make it!

And I have, or I believe and feel I have.
Lets see if I stand by it and dont sell myself out but stay strong!
- with love -

Social construction influenced by music!

2010-06-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

Today I was sitting in the Metro on my way to the airport to meet a dear friend. She had a very short layover at the Copenhagen airport.
as always, while travelling I had my iPod on and a song came on that made me think a little..
The song is called Call my name with a band called Third Day.
I found the song and I want to share it with you here.. maybe you take some learning out of it as I did today - or more as thoughts rather than learnings.

In my current studies I have learned that words, stories and discourses can carry a lot of meaning with them.. something we can make sense out of and I'm starting to apply this approach to my songs as well. Many songs have meaning, we just need to dig deeper and find what meaning we put into it.
In the song above there were sentences like;
- Its been so long since you felt like you were loved
-What went wrong?
-When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
-and it seems like no one in this whole world cares
-

I construct my own social reality and create a meaning of this... where I connect with these sad words, sad reality. but understand that there might be someone who actually cares.. who wants me to call their names.
So even if the reality around me feels unbearable, I'm sad and alone, my friends are far away and not always there.. I just need to stretch my hand, make a phonecall, send an e-mail, facebook message or even skype them and my reality changes as people bring in their reality to mine and construct a new, more positive, happy place where I want to be.
Load of crap maybe.. but in my reality, this all makes sense!! :)

- with love -

bringing hidden agenda into the light!

2010-06-23T11:07:00.000-07:00

Our life and experiences is something we can and should share with others, both for enlightenment as well as for just talk about their life.
for some of us, though, there are times in our lives that by some reasons we can not share, due to secrets, promises, bad experiences or choices we're not proud of.
believe me I have few of those experiences but when I look back at them most of them I learned something, I gained something ( even if I lost something/someone ) and in my experience sharing has usually brought me closer to understanding my learnings.

I know sometimes you have to keep a secret, promise not to tell or share, live with bad decisions or whatever, but in the long term you should be able to find out what you learned as a person. what did that period have to do with who you are now as a person. How you can avoid or reach out to new or old friends or things.
Its important.

Although it is important it is hard to make sense to these times, these events, these people.
My opinion is that I need to try.
if not, it hunts me, frustrates me or scares me, hurts me and hinders me from growing.
I dont want that.
I cant afford that.
So how can I start to make sense to my "darker/hidden" periods, people in it, events attended, love lived and/or lost?
How can I start to open up after being closed for such a long time, wondering what it meant, if it meant anything at all?
How can I overcome this hiding and realize how it is affecting me today?
how is what I want to know!

-with love-

Music guides my way!

2010-06-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how powerful songs and lyrics can be when certain situations happen.
In more the one occation do I look to songs to feel empowered, inspired, angry and to hear words that I need to hear to start letting go of things.
I never really understood how some people can actually live for music but it started to be clearer and clearer when I realize how important this little things are for my sanity. it's amazing.
think about it.... really think when you hear songs, what emotions do they waken within you?
What do you think?
How do you feel afterwards?
Was it needed?

I wanna end this post about my awareness with few lines that are important for me since last night.. and I need to keep them in mind just for few more days.. then I hopefully need another song with another meaning to guide me through my rocky path :)

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.
- The All American Rejects

the lyrics speak to me, Now I just better listen!!!

-with love-

being me is not good enough?

2010-06-15T14:04:00.001-07:00

I never learn from my past mistakes.. or at least it feels like I dont.
Sometimes I feel like I'm naive.. I'm too trusting and allow people to take advantage of me. and then I become disappointed and angry when they dont deliver to my "standards" of behavior because that's what I expected in return.
even though they never "agreed" with my expectations.

it makes me angry at myself, it makes me angry at these individuals and makes me sometimes doubt if getting to know new people is actually worth it. It feels like I'm just loosing more than I'm gaining.
Or at least that's how it feels now, at this very moment. Just when I have been having a negative experience yet again with an individual I thought was worth "keeping".
I was wrong.. and I learn the hard way.

This is not the first time I'm angry at myself because of this person, and it's not the first time I'm angry at this person.
How can I overcome this believe that people are by rule kind hearted and want you well?
When in real life people think about themselves and their gains in the relationship. how much can they get away with this time without giving anything back or actually investing in a friendship or a relationship?
Why does it seem that I attract these type of people?
and why the f**k cant I learn that it's never as it seems, they dont mean what they are saying and I just end up without a friend and loss of integrity and/or positivity.

I know that this is not true of all people, but like I said.. it feels like I'm attracting all the "wrong" type of people in my life now.. and it's making me feel that I should just keep to the current friends I have, not open up, not take chances and not allow people in.. because I'm too open when I start.. I'm too needy if I can say that. and people cant handle it and leave, and take their words and promises with them..
good riddance I guess!
lets see
-with love-

when it rains - it pours! so to speak!

2010-06-13T03:26:00.000-07:00

It is in times when you get bad news you start understanding your strength and the power of the relationship you have with your family, or those involved in the bad news.
Today I got bad news, it left me shocked, it left me with tears in my eyes.
I guess life needs to be balanced, good and bad come in package. you cant have one without the other.
It's a matter of how you handle the time when bad news arrive in your life.. I look inside, channel my thoughts to the good time, share my feelings with people I trust and try to continue with my life.
But it is hard.
News that affect you can take energy out of you, leave you stranded..
and how can you get back on track when once stranded?

I'm in a search for answers to these how questions of mine.
I will not be left behind stranded and sinking..
I will get free, with my strength and my power..
But I might need support..
and I'm not afraid to look for it..
- with love -

I count my luck in life!

2010-06-10T00:38:00.000-07:00

I sometimes find myself thinking how lucky I am.
I have amazing parents and family who support me when needed without me having to ask. They know how hard it is for me to ask for help, no matter how small it is.
I feel, as people offer their support, that I'm appreciated, I'm valued as a person, a member of the family and that my contribution is important. I think that's why my family is so generous and willing to help me.
I'm honored by this.. and I know just how lucky I am.
Not everyone has a family they can rely on.
Unfortunately.

I sometimes also think about my friends.
I have many great friends with diverse background, from different corners of the world and who value different things in life.
But they all make me feel great, make me feel inspired in one way or another.
The fact that they look for me, want to hang with me, spend their precious time with me shows me that they care. That they appreciate who I am and what I bring to the friendship.
I'm amazed by this and I can not help to count my luck and smile when I think of my friends.
I know, not everyone has friends that truely care and allow you to be who you are.
Unfortunatly.

The reason for this message is not to showcase anything special except for the fact that we have people around us that elevate us, lift us up, allow us to become greater than we ever thought we could become.
All because they care, they support, they show interest, they want you around.
I think we all need to recognize these people in life and show them we know. we care as well and support them to be as great as they can be.
It goes both ways.

I hope my friends and family feel the same. that I'm here for them, support and care.
I hope they think they are lucky knowing I want to have them around, I listen to them and share their excitments and joy.
just as they do with me.
I hope they know!

- with love -

be careful what you wish for!

2010-05-25T05:39:00.000-07:00

again to the same topic as in the last two posts, hope and wish. It's still something that is on my mind although it's slowly fading away into "normal" thoughts if I can put it like that.

few days ago I was listening to Home by Chris Daughtry and one part of the lyrics says..
"be careful what you wish for because you just might get it all" and it got me thinking.
it's very true.. we might be inclined to wish for "too" much and not knowing the concequences if we would get everything we ask for. We want sometimes more than we can handle so to speak. we also sometimes think we want things that others want or have without actually deep inside really want it. But we ask for it and when we get it we dont know how/what to do.

so even though I'm hoping and wishing and praying and thinking.. it might not be what I really really want.
Its important to give it a real thought, be sure that what you wish for is what you want and/or need.
make sure you can handle everything you wish for.

I have to think about these things..

-with love-

Still on a path of crazy hope

2010-05-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

My mind has been running around like crazy these past few days and it has affected my life in some ways. My thoughts, as mentioned in my previous post, have not been constructive, been out of place and unreal but somehow I can not stop thinking them.
I can not get them out of my mind, no matter how hard I try, no matter I get facts that prove me wrong they stay there and mess with my.
Its so strange that thoughts and even wishful thinking can play this much with you.

Usually I enjoy having creative mind, thoughts all over the place and thing of new and interesting things.
but when they become unconstructive its not so good.

So wishful thinking is keeping me up at night ( so to speak ).
If I should try to find a possitive apsect of all of this, because keeping this possitive is one way that I make sense of all this, would be to look at this wish I have been feeling finally came alive. I realized that I still want it, and I want it badly.
It's clear to me that I have needs in this live that I always thought of but didnt realized how much I need it, or want it.
I feel that's a possitive aspect of my crazy thoughts.
I have realized what I want in life... and now it's about time to work towards it.

Things I want in life will not come easily, I know.
It will take more out of me than I'm used to, take strategies I haven't been successful with but I say.. I'm aware of that but I'm willing to give it a shoot.
I dont think I would ever be satisfied in life if I would never go for it. Fight for what I need and want in life.
Now I realized where my priorities need to lie.
something that I wasn't completely sure, although I knew needed it.

So even if my thoughts are unreal and keeping me insane... at least some good has come out of it.
For that I'm thankful!

I'm hoping for some hope!

2010-05-17T12:57:00.001-07:00

When a thought takes place in your mind it can be hard to let that thought go, even though you know its wrong, not good for you, incapable of happening or just unrealistic.
The power of our mind is extreme. I dont think we realize actually how strong it is. It is so strong it can easily play tricks and make us believe whatever.
No matter how strong you think you are... your mind can be just as strong and have it's own agenda.
but of course, the mind is part of who you are so my beliefs are, that if you think about something and your mind starts to convince you it's true... it's something you want. either secretly or openly.

I'm in a situation now, where a wish or a hope came to my mind and for a second I thought it was coming true.. finally.
But when the course of time proved me wrong my mind still tries to make me belive there is hope..
Because deep down it's what I hope for, wish for, what I need.
so I'm allowing my mind to play this game on me and I'm playing along.
But I know it's wrong.. I just want to cling to this small chance of hope.. that my wish will come true no matter what.

It's not healthy.
I know that.
But while I'm still weak for this hope, I allow my emotions, my intellegence to be clouded by this wish I will not break free..
I will stay blind to these games.
But I am aware that I'm playing a fool, I'm setting myself up to fail, I'm going to be sad.
But as long as I can keep this feeling that my hope is alive.. I guess myself dont care.
Although I should care.

I know this makes no sense.. but this situation also makes no sense to me.
I'm senseless and cant get out of it..
no matter how I try.
I hope time will bring me closer to my senses.. to stop these games.
I hope for this hope to continue being a hope, but for the future.. not for the present!
- with love and hope -

on crossroads and heading for the future

2010-04-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

This month is about to end.. just 2 whole days left and I keep wondering where the time flies.. because it's gone before I know it.
This month has been positive but I have to admit I have felt a big share of homesickness and disconnected with my family due to this long distance.
But there are events, talks and people that help me return on my path again and for these people I'm so grateful.

This month has been a family month. A month where I meet friends and try to smile more. A month where I do my best at school.
It's been a busy month. Month with hard work. A month where I need to challenge myself.
It's been a month with great weather. Month mixed feelings and a month hard times.

But from these hard times, from those challenges I feel the positive things have come to place.
I feel I've gained more friends. I have found my passion. I have travelled a little. I have strengthen family ties. I have been happy about who I am.
April might have passed my fast but this month leaves me behind with many feelings, accomplishments, friends and happiness.
What more can a month really give you?

So I look forward to May and it's challenges and successes as I am sure I will come out of that month even stronger than I am today!
-with love-

with passion comes success - but where can you find passion?

2010-04-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

These past few days I have been thinking a lot about my priorities and how I take my decisions.
The reason is that somehoe I always move far away from those things that I should be doing and decide on doing those that I want to be doing.

This weekend I should have stayed at home, read through my articles and make sure I'm ready for my final exam next wednesday. But instead I took the time to travel over the country to attend an AIESEC conference as Alumnus with good friends of mine and deliver one session.
I was so passionate about it, I wanted to make sure my session was the best one.
During the whole of this weekend I haven't looked at anything relating to my studies.
And just now, when I'm thinking about it, I start to get guilty. But only now when I really think about it.
Not before.
Not during my session.
Not on my way home.

What does that mean?
Does it mean that I did have my priorities in the right order? that since I'm still so passionate about AIESEC I should take every opportunity to keep involved, keep motivated?
I'm not sure.
But I know that I do not regret this weekend and I know that there is hard work infront of me..
But now, as I am thinking about this and if I made the right decision, I'm motivated. I'm happy. I'm passionate.
So maybe this was not a bad thing.
Maybe I just need/should channel this motivation towards my exam and make sure I use it while its still so fresh in my head, my body and my soul.

I hope it will work.

temptations all around me

2010-04-23T00:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in my living room and listening to tranquil moments by the sea. It's not because I'm all stressed out, not because I feel the need to relax but because I'm leading a reflection session for outgoing AIESECers tomorrow.
I want it to be a peaceful experience and in order to give that to them I feel I should be at peace as well.

I've been feeling a little restless.. not able to stay focused on the things at hand and keep dreaming and thinking of other projects I much rather would like to be working at than those I ought to be focusing on.
I'm trying to organize my days.
I'm trying to stay true to the path I see success on.
I'm trying to stay happy.

but distractions are many and unfortunately I fall easily.
falling is so easy, it's the "rising up again" part and look away from temptations that is so challenging for me.
And the worst thing is, I keep falling for the same distractions over and over again, even though I know better.
I swear, I know better but I can not stay strong.
I so want to stay strong.

Each fall opens something hurting inside and I want to leave that behind.
I want to forget.
close my eyes and not beleive I still feel something.

I want to be able to look away when tempted.
So far I'm still weak.
But I want to be strong!

- with love -

few days of emptiness leave me open for adventures!

2010-04-17T08:48:00.001-07:00

For few days now I've been homesick, feeling blue and not very sociable. I miss my family, I have worries on my mind, I am stressed and I'm frustrated.
For few days now I have not been willing to smile, to feel good, to allow myself to be happy.
Those few days took so much energy out of me.

Saying goodbye to my brother as he smiled and walked towards the security check at the airport made me cry, I felt so alone. I felt so far away from friends and family.
For those few days my thoughts have been heavy, sad and taking me back home to Iceland.
Those few days drained me.

I know it's hard to be far away from those you love but sometimes I get so surprised how homesick I can get. I have been far away from my family before, I will be again and I'm currently doing good living in Copenhagen. So why does this period stay so long this time?

I think what I'm missing, and the reason my mind drifts to Iceland so often is the fact that here in Denmark I am alone. just as alone as I was in Paris - but in a different way -. I realized that I need people around, those I trust, those that I can hang with without having any expectation of "need to do stuff". That's why I'm feeling so alone. I dont have that here in Denmark, that's what I'm searching for by missing my family.
Thats why it was so hard to see my brother leave after having spent great time with him, hanging with a person I trust and not "having to do anything".
It was so needed and so nice.
That's why these few days came by, with emptiness and homesickness.
Those few days that stopped by, making sure I still know what I need.

These next few days will be brighter.
I'm not feeling as blue, the sun is shining more and I'm experiencing more.
that's what the next few days will be about.
I cant wait!

- with love -

value in friendship!

2010-03-31T12:12:00.000-07:00

Time flies fast these days, it's already end of another month and things change accordingly to speed. The weather, people, attitude, hair styles and you name it.

On this last day of March I got to think about friendship and what that word means to me. I have often thought about and written here about friendship and how lucky I believe I am having chosen the friends I have today.

What came to my mind is that sometimes I feel I have better friends than I am to them. My friends have done so many things that mean the world to me, been there in times of need, shared with me, laughed with me, cried with me and taken me as who I am. I wonder if I am as good to them as they are to me.
I sure hope so.

I think I sometimes take friends for granted. imagine they will be there no matter what so I am not sure if I put as much energy in growing friendship as I should be.

Are we, as people, normally aware of how much we actually appreciate people in our lives?
Do we give them the credit they deserve?
Do we show them the respect, support and love they deserve as friends?

I hope I do.
Because friendship is one of those most important values I have. I just realized this.
I have always valued family relations. I love my family.
And though I have always tried to be the best friend I can, I feel as I write this that I need to be aware that friendship is also part of my family value.
I need to live up to my values.
I am glad that I realized this.
From now on I hope to live up to my friends expectations, giving them the respect and support they need/want.

I want to grow my friendship, my relationships with family, my network.
Those who mean something to me.

- with love -

my heart says one thing, my head doesnt agree!

2010-03-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

How come it's so easy to say you will let go of things that aren't working, things that dont belong any longer, things which dont care for you as they used to but it's SO hard to actually let go?

How can you get your heart agree with what your head has decided?

Maybe we all hope deep down inside that you dont really have to let go to something that was part of your life and in a way still is.
Maybe you are scared to get back out there and finding those that work for you, who care, who are willing to be in your life?
Maybe we actually think we have let go, and try to ignore the fact that it's not true?
maybe we are lying to yourselves and we dont want to admit to it?

How can I make my heart agree with my head?
How can I make sure that I'm not lying to myself, that I actually let go.
I want to be able to stop wondering and just let it be.

Why is life so complicated?

Actually, just as I wrote this sentence here above I realize... life isnt complicated. I just make it like that because I take part in games being played instead of being sure of myself, letting the games pass me by and stay strong.
I am making myself feeling so bad, no one else.
Its me who is not letting go.
And I know I need to.
I need help in doing so.
But I'm too scared to search for it. Who to trust? who actually can help me?
oh man.. why do I do this to myself?
Why do we complicate our lives?
What do we think we are gaining?
Loved ones?
feelings of hope?
Future with smiles?

I dont think so!

- with love -

spring is in the air!

2010-03-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

The spring is finally here in Copenhagen and it just lifts up my spirit.
with uplifted spirit my mind starts wandering again. Now I'm back to my potential startups and ideas related to that.
I am finding my passion again but it's sad, it's not coming when needed related to my studies.
I need to get refreshed, I need to keep focus this end point of this project. I need to stay on path.
It's hard when you are not motivated.

This weekend comes with hope of work, relaxation, smiles and joy.
I will try to use those valuable things in my life to build up motivation, to strive for getting through the current tasks and smiling towards the future that is just around the corner.

I can not wait for the next month to take over with it's sunshine, birdsongs, smiles, easter and family meetings.
Another motivational booster for me. and hopefully I use it wisely.

-with love-

Smiles and joy brought by the spring - finally!

2010-03-25T01:51:00.000-07:00

The other day I was walking home after saying goodbye to a dear friend. I was listening to nice songs by Ourlives in the iPod and as I was walking my street back to my apartment I cought myself smiling. I was feeling happy and it was a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time.
It was so nice.
It felt like a scene from the movies as the perfect music was playing and I realized that I'm so lucky.
I have great friends, amazing family, I live in a great city and it's spring time. What more can I ask for.
So I smiled.
And I felt good.

Its strange how low you can get, feeling sad and homesick, needing some people around but still not feeling too sociable. I hate when I sink to that level. It's so energy draining and I just feel emty.
But the beauty of it is how little it actually take to get back to my normal self. great conversations with friends, smiles from family members, nice words from people around and being part of people's happiness. That's the best step in crawling from my own misery.
When I start feeling happy again, I notice that life is good.. although not everything is as perfect as it could be.. I'm a lucky girl.
I need to remember it.
I need to share it.
I need to embrace it.

So as I still work through my feelings I try to smile more, I try to engage in conversations more, being more social and just loving life and spring in Copenhagen.

I hope everyone finds their way out of misery, because everyone deals with misery at some time in their lives.
It's the path to happiness that is worth it all.

- with love -

guilty mind leads to hard feelings

2010-03-12T10:29:00.000-08:00

It's strange how my mind and thoughts work, the lack of balance and the feelings that I bring.
I get a guilty conscience whenever I spend money on myself with friends and just having a good day but I have no problem thinking about spending hell of a lot of money on "silly" things like tattoo's.
Why is that?

why can I be so senseble in some areas, but not so much in others?
Where do I draw the line?
Where is my balance?

I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but I am in search of something.
trying to reach out and find some answers.
Hoping you, who reads this, can give me some idea.

So search for a balance, in different corners, behind doors I hope to find it. To not feel guilty when not needed and thinking twice when it's needed.
- with love -

love - what does it mean to you?

2010-02-28T04:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to the movies to see a movie called 'Precious'. It was a heartbreaking movie about an issue that for me seemed to be kept a secret but obviously is happening and people need to be aware.

It got me thinking of how good people have it and still complain. Of course some people complain and they have something to complain about. Those that have the most 'right' to complain leave it be.. due to some reasons. guilt, shame, anger... I do not know.

What was so hard for me, watching this movie, is the relationship between a mother and a daughter was a complete hell for both of them. The daughter never stood a chance.
How can you, as a parent, treat your flesh and blood like this?
even, how can you treat any person in your life like this?
Where does the selfishness comes from?

I know, I can be selfish, thinking of what's best for me but never until now have I taken any actions that would benefit me but hurt others. Not deliberately at least.

For me, the relationship with my parents is what makes me who I am today.
Their love, support, understanding...
their rules, their humour, their values.
And if/when I become a parent I hope I build a relationship with my child/children where they dont feel like the person in 'Precious'. They will never doubt my love and mistake selfishness and hurt as love on my behalf.
I will try to make sure that will never happen.
It shouldn't happen.

That's why this movie was an eye opener.. this is happening all over the world.
Children do not know love.
And believe that what is happening is what they deserve.
I am thankful for this movie in a sence it opened my eyes, it made me think of my values, my relationships and what I mean by love.
for that I'm grateful.
But man, oh man, was that a difficult movie to watch.

-with love-

being at home is good and bad

2010-02-27T03:31:00.000-08:00

Now when February is ending it's still freezing cold in Denmark and signs of spring are far away.
It's been a cold winter, a unique winter. I hope next winter wont be so cold and snowy.

For few days there has been a little sunlight sparkling through the gray and dull clouds in Copenhagen. Even those little sparkles bring some warmth with them, they bring joy and even some smiles on people around me. Including myself.

This past week has both been good and full of not so good news for me.
It's interesting to realize how balanced life can be.
You win some - you learn some.
And yes, I choose learn instead of loose. As I dont believe you ever loose if you have the attitude of learning from challenges.

Not so good news bring me down, kindles a little homesickness and leaves me tired and frustrated.
Good news bring me back to life, soften my homesickness and increase motivation and happiness.
Weeks varies. happiness, sadness, smiles and frowns.
It happens for everyone.. it's those who actually make the bright side win over the darker, sader site.
I want to be one of those.
That's why I focus more on the good news, and plan on enjoying the city with my friends and family that are coming to visit me these next weeks.

Copenhagen is becoming a home. Home has good and bad times.
Good times with friends will make me feel at home.

- with love -

who am I?

2010-02-23T09:33:00.000-08:00

standing in the kitchen, just finished the lasagne and it's now in the oven.
There is one thing that is circling around my head. Actually that's a lie. There are so many things going on in this little head of mine. I just can not stop it.
What I mean is that there is a thing that has been more active today then regularly.

Why do I bother having a blog?
I have been reading friends blogs these past days and they are so good pens. They always choose a topic that is showing inside into the topic, sharing knowledge and just being plain inspirational.
I love that about them.

Mine is not that type of blog. and I started to think why not? Why did I choose to make mine so personal, where I share my thoughts more then knowledge?
I think I have knowledge to share.

When I think of it, my reasons are most likely these:
- I have so many questions of my own, things I need to understand and I want to contemplate about. issues others can share with me and I want to offer this opportunity to do so.
I feel this blog is not my platform to inform but more as a platform to grow.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts even though I dont get any feedback on them.
Putting things into words, makes me smarter, more knowledgeable and potentially more able to inform later on in life.
It's just not that time for me yet.
It will be :)

- with love -

Why not be yourself?

2010-02-20T14:16:00.000-08:00

I just finished a little questionaire for a job I'm applying for and it made me think a little.
this is the second time in few months where I have gotten positive answers based on my experience, what I have done and what I have to offer.
It feels amazing.

what came to my mind is how often we feel small, little and not worthy of good things.
I have felt the same and that's why it's so important that when you finally get a confirmation that what you are doing is great, is impressive to others and you have something to give, that we embrace it. We dont just disgard it but smile and say THANK YOU! YES I AM!
But its harder then just saying it. It takes mindset changes that can happen with one step at a time.

It was just something that hit me this evening. Something that I keep forgetting as I sink back to ordinary and plain where self-believe and confidence is not cool. Not looked good upon.
Why I dont understand.. how great would it be if you can embrace your greatness without feeling selfish, cocky or stupid?
Well, I'm sure gonna keep on trying to embrace my awesomeness and support others in embracing theirs.

- with love -

I am winter - fading away

2010-02-18T00:56:00.000-08:00

This week, after going through some personal stuff, I feel I'm finally getting on the right role.
I'm starting to be organized again, I'm listening to music, I'm talking to friends and I think I'm smiling more.
It was about time I just say.

But I also think the weather here in Denmark is affecting my feelings. It's all so gray and dull and it keeps on snowing like I dont know what.
For me, this should be the time when the country starts to brighten up a little, green leaves around and people biking more.
but that's not happening as the winter holds on with every breath that it has to stay. And so far it's been stronger then the spring.
I personally hope, Mr. Winter starts to loose the power, starts to let go and accept the fact that spring has to come with it's birdsinging, green color and smiling people.
I can not wait.

But I personally, think I'm behaving like winter.
I'm holding on to something, some image of perfection, and I do not accept that it's time to let it go. Spring has to come with new images, with new connections for me and I need to embrace it.
I think that my power is starting to fade though as I start to feel this fact, that this image is not perfect. That the perfect image is out there somewhere.
I just need to let go, search and keep my arms open for it.
So I'm being winter at this moment,
trying to keep alive something that is destined to fade away.

so as winter slips away, I hope my image slips away with it.
-with love-

be or not to be - my valentine!

2010-02-13T09:24:00.000-08:00

I'm currently sitting at my friends place and spending some time with my computer.

Tomorrow is Valentines day, a day I do not celebrate and think is such a fake holiday. But of course it affects me as my society has adopted this day, make it relevant and supports people to believe it's the only day to show and express love.
How sad is that?
Or at least I believe so..

One year ago I was in Paris and I wrote a little text about this holiday as well then.

What I was writing then was that for me this day is not only about Love as in romantic love. It's about love between the people you cheerish, the ones you want to have a strong relationship with and those that you want to show you love.
But in order for this to happen you can not use only one day - you have to be concistant in showing your love, being in love and make sure your love doesnt dissapear. One day is not solving anything.
Of course I know the day was not meant to solve anything in that sence, but it was purely made to gain some money of those who believe that this is the occation where you can have a free pass in showing love.
That's why I say "how Sad is that?"

- How sad is that people need a special day to show love!
- How sad is that for someone to gain money in order for you to be able to show your love?
- How sad is that, that we as people, think this is fine behavior?

now I might sound as coldhearted bitch who doesn't believe in love.
Those who know me know that's not the case.
I'm a big fan of love.
But I also have clear ideas of what I believe to be love..and what for me is just a random act of greed, sadness or desperate behavior.
I prefer to be true to myself then to someone else's thoughts.

I love LOVE.
But I try to express it every day, with those who deserve my love.
I try to strengthen all relationships I do not want to see lost.
I step out and smile to those who mean the most to me, making sure they know they are in my life.
That for me is what valentines day should be about.
that kind of love.
And it should be every day!!

- with love-

Looking in a personal mirror!

2010-01-25T06:34:00.000-08:00

I'm currently sitting at my Aunt's place in the middle of nowhere in Denmark where I have the chance to have time of, study, relax and reflect.
Its so valuable to get this chance, to sit in the silence, to not think about what's going on out there in the world and just be.. alone with your tasks, your thoughts and yourself.

Last time I talked about challenges.. and how I value them as well. Because without them I can not see how people can become better,rise to another level and succeed.
Through challenges I learn.
Through reflection and time off I gain self awareness and rekindle my passion. without it I do believe I couldn't stay true to myself.
And without knowing who you are, how can you connect with others?
How can you find people who value what you have to share?
How will you know what you actually have to share with other people.
How can you built up relationships if you dont know who you are and what you are looking for?

These questions I think everyone needs to answer for themselves. And I think it's a must that people do so.
personal relationships are in many cases the base for personal success. You need people some of the times.
We need to keep that in mind.
At least I try to...

-with love-

with challenge comes a new beginning!

2010-01-20T05:45:00.000-08:00

This week I faced a challenge I had never come across before. It scared the hell out of me but in a good way because I know, facing this, was bringing a new learning to me.
I have always looked at challenges as a good thing for me to take on and I feel sorry for those who avoid them, try to skate through life on easy street and never develop into this amazing person they could be.
I dont want that to happen to me.

Taking on this challenge ment for me to rethink my ways of learning, enhance my focus, increase my will power.
It showed me that I need to step up my game.
It helped me see how I can do that.
And now, as hard as it may seem, I feel more ready to take on next semester with my learnings from this one.
I feel in balance.
How many people can say that?

The reason why I wanted to blog about this is to try to make people see that challenges are hard but they bring always something new, something needed to your life.
They are there for a reason. You have to understand that.
Do you want to be plain, always the same?
Or do you want to live up to the potential that was made for you?
I have made my decision... I sure hope you have too and it's the right one for you!

-with love-

2009 in a nutshell :)

2010-01-15T07:26:00.000-08:00

It‘s been some time since I wrote here. I‘ve been busy, reflecting and organizing myself. But now it‘s time to share my year, a year full of memorable events. When I look back at the year I see happiness. Finally :)

January:
- My brother and his girlfriend had a baby son :) A beautiful precious entered my life and changed it in so many great ways.
- I went back to Paris with a little sadness as that place hadn‘t been the best for me work wise.
- I chaired a national conference in Denmark. It was a great experience, I met so many great people and gained friends for life :)
- Gunnfríður and Anna came to visit me at the conference site to meet me and tried to learn a little about AIESEC. That meant a great deal for me.

February:
- I finally found an interesting masters program to take. In Copenhagen Business School.
- Went to Icelandic ladies night in Paris. Met many interesting women and had good food and drink – all Icelandic of course ;)
- Went to All American Reject concert – AMAZING!!
- I took a TOEFL test and did really well. It was needed for my Masters application.
- I flew to Copenhagen and came as a surprise to Gorjans party. Had great time with friends and enjoyed walking around in Copenhagen.

March:
- Handed in my application for CBS.
- My little nephew got a name. Unfortunately I couldn’t be there as I was in Paris.
- Did a lot of sightseeing in Paris. It’s a great city to live in.
- Celebrated St.Patricks day with great bunch of people in Paris. Great fun and of course all in green!
- Chaired a national conference in Poland with around 150 people attending. It was challenging but a huge learning experience. And of course quite a bit of polish alcohol.

April:
- I resigned from my role as WENA ER coordinator and left few days later back to Iceland.
- Anna and Gunnfríður came to visit me during Easter in Paris. We went to museums ( Louvre etc. ), went up the Eiffel tower, saw an Andy Warhol exhibition, ate chicken in front of a church and so much more.
- Came home and hugged my family. :)

May:
- Partied with my cousin Ingunn. We had so much fun playing Guitar hero.
- Went to see Maria’s Bachelor project from Listaháskólinn – A lady bug doorbell :)
- Started SEA SWIMMING!
- Joined a great group of people who decided to fight the current situation in Iceland and arrange free summer course to help people start their own business. Such a great initiative and I was so proud to participate.
- Attended seminar about the financial crisis and its affect on Africa.
- Went to Selfoss to a Brass band concert. The band I played with for so many years celebrated it’s birthday.
- Chaired a Develop Leaders day for AIESEC in Iceland.

June:
- Went to Skagaströnd for the “fishermen Day”. Partied heavily with great friends.
- Finally got a paid summer job :) at a youth hostel.
- Waited and waited to hear from CBS.
- Met up with my friends from Sauðárkrókur. We went out for dinner. I ended up having a strange but a great night with Anna Sjöfn and her husband Maddi.

July:
- Got accepted into CBS for Masters in Strategy, Organization and leadership :)
- Went whale watching with Hugrún. We saw few whales and it was great fun but a little windy ;)
- Went sea angling ( fishing at sea ) with Hilmar and Haukur. I didn’t catch anything but Hilmar did and as he was with me it automatically became mine as well :)
- Became a big Sólstafir fan and went to their concert.
- Went to Bolungarvík for the first time in 6 YEARS! It was great to be back there to remind me why I love this place.

August:
- Preparation for Denmark started.
- Had a big birthday dinner with my dad for my family. Also to say goodbye.
- Celebrated my 26th birthday and invited friends over for cakes in a birthday/goodbye event.
- Flew with XX kg to Copenhagen the day before introduction week started. It was hard to walk up to 4th floor with all that luggage but I managed.
- Intro week started and I got to know my fellow students.

September:
- school officially started with heavy reading. It was hard getting back into learning mood.
- Went shopping in Ikea with Margrét who actually saved my life there. But at least I got a bed to sleep in, chair and table and place for my clothes :)
- Bought a bike. Important while living in Copenhagen.
- Anna came over and we had a great Thursday night partying with her cousin Atli, and then a lovely relaxed weekend of fun.
- Went to Sólstafir’s concert in Copenhagen. Loved it!

October:
- Me and Line had our house warming party. Finally.
- Went bowling with my class mates.
- Vera Sólveig came to visit. We went to a strange Indian place, Gorjans goodbye party and relaxed.

November:
- Went to visit my aunt and her husband. I stayed there for a weekend. It was really nice.
- Chaired a team building for the Danish MC. Somehow I can not get out of this organization ;)
- Attended a startup meeting with an American entrepreneur who shared his experience. Very interesting and gave me some ideas.
- Applied for a student job. Got into the phone interview.
- Went to a gospel choir practice. Just for fun :)
- Margrét Björg and Margrét came for a visit. Went for the first time to the Tivoli. Bought a year pass. ;)

December:
- Went to a Julefrokost with my class. So much fun, so much snaps and not a happy day after ;)
- Was invited for another interview with the job. Super happy with that.
- Went around the city due to the COP15 UN conference here.
- Met friends who came to Denmark for this conference. It’s so great to meet people, connect on more intimate levels and strengthen your friendship. Great.
- Partied with my study group.
- Went to Christiania.
- Flew home to celebrate Christmas and New Years with the people I love, my family.

In short, my year of 2009 was eventful. I don’t regret anything and I feel I have learned more about who I am and what I stand for. It has reconfirmed how much I love my family and how glad I am for the amazing friends I have.
I couldn’t ask for anything more.
With this great year in my experience box, I feel comfortable about taking on the next one. I hope it will be even better.

-with love-

With questions I take on the new year!

2009-12-31T03:07:00.000-08:00

It's the last day of this eventful year, 2010 is just around the corner and looking just as promising as this passing one has been.
It's interesting to look back and see the changes you have gone through, the challenges you have overcome, the people who empowered your life and the family who supported you.
I do feel blessed when I look back.

So many questions have come and gone through my head, questions that I have searched for answers and brought me closer to what I believe and what I stand for as a young Icelandic person.
Questions about love, lust, friends, family, education, motivation, obessesion, travels and so much more.
Some have been answered, Some still circle around my life waiting to be answered and some I dont think will ever get their answer.

These questions are my way to look forward, learn and expand my horizon.
I think each year needs to include some questions, something you search for, learn from and enjoy questioning.
Never take the status Quo.
Never accept things just because it has always been like that.
That I have learned.
It's hard, but the strong people who manage are those who leave something behind, those who live their lives proud, those who others hope they could be like. That is what I believe.

So when the new year comes along, I wish for continuous questions, hopes to learn more, enjoyment of experience and peace in being who you are.
I will continue looking for that.
Thanks for reading and happy new year

- with love -

still looking for creation

2009-12-29T10:59:00.000-08:00

The holiday season is half way through, the new year is around the corner and life is sweet.
Time of family, love and fun is still around me and it makes me smile.

The thought of creation and expression is growing, hindering me in sleeping - the need is so strong. My mind can not stop wondering, thinking and analyzing the process, facts and tasks that needs to happen before.
I find it so interesting, I'm quite excited.

I look forward to the new year with all it's challenges, all it's opportunities and all it's learning that I intend to get.
2010 will be a challenging year.. I hope.. but one where I stand tall and take each challenge with a smile.
I have goals for 2010, I have ambitions and I look forward to organize myself, change myself and become even better.
2010 is my year, just as 2009 has been my year.. but just in even better way!

-with love-

In peace I find the will to create

2009-12-27T13:37:00.000-08:00

Sitting in my parents living room with the TV on, the christmas lights brighly shining and window open, I feel great but a little restless. During this time where I eat, sleep, spend time with family I love the peacefulness but I also feel the need to create, to make something I can be proud of.
I want to write a book.

Writing a book is something I have always wanted to do. Specially when I was writing poems and I wanted to publish a book with my finest work.
Now I want to do more, something that people can learn from as I have learn from others.
I want to inspire, motivate and share.
This feeling is growing stronger and stronger.. Now it's disturbing my peace, leaving me with restlessness, a mind in overdrive wondering what to write about.. where is my passion.

I think this feeling is growing due to knowing my creativity needs improvement.. I need to work on my innovation, my thinking outside the box.
I think the book, the process of writing, will bring creativity to me.. help me with releasing my innovational and creative thinking.
I will continue thinking, looking at topics, finding where my passion lies. What could I write about?
How can I inspire?
will someone actually want to read what I have to say?

I also want to publish some of my finest poetry.. still collecting and wondering of the theme.. there has to be a theme right?
I love this restlessness because it challenges me..
It makes sure I dont just be, that I try to be even better then before.
I will continue to try.

Now I sit, enjoy the constant battle between the peace Christmas brings and the restless spirit the creativity awakens within me.
I love it.
And I do hope I continue following my feelings.
-with love-

Merry Christmas to y'all :)

2009-12-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

It's night before Christmas eve and I'm home, in Iceland, with my family.
I've been home for few days and it feels amazing. Being with people you love and who love you.
Tomorrow comes Christmas, these special times I enjoy so much, peaceful and full of joy. People smile more but are stressed as well.
I dont feel stressed at all.
If something I feel too relaxed. Being home I have the mindset of enjoy, love and belonging.

As soon as I came home I felt the christmas spirit.
It's amazing.
Not that I didn't feel the Christmas in Copenhagen... it's just completely different when you come home, see the christmas lights and smile and hug my family.
Now Christmas can come.
I'm ready!

Christmas is one of my favorite time of the year.
I love spending time reading, eating, laughing, decorating, giving and receiving.
Seeing my family getting things they need, want and/or love.
There is something peaceful about this.
And I have been searching for peace, serenity and I feel it here.
I love it.
I wish I could hold on to it for longer.
I wish I could take it with me to Denmark.
I wish I could share it with everyone. allow them to feel what I feel during these times.

Christmas comes tomorrow, weather you like it or not.
I personally like it, I'm ready
So I wish you all merry Christmas and have the best holidays you can have with family and friends.
May the new year be the best so far.
I sincerely wish and hope this for you!
-with love-

The need to express oneself leads to ....

2009-12-14T07:37:00.000-08:00

I'm still searching for the peacefulness.. the power that comes when you are in total ease with who you are and what you dream of..
I'm searching in all the wrong places.

These words, Peace, tranquility, serenity, calm and hopes are something that I can not seem to get out of my thoughts since yesterday. They are affecting me in some way. But a good way.
I have this urge to express myself, but I need the right audience for what I want to say.
I know to whom my message is ment for, but I can not get the attention of the needed audiences. What to do then?
Still communicate?
pour my heart out?
make space for new thoughts?
What to do when I have a point but no one is near to hear it?

But then again I might challenge my questions and ask - do you want this group to hear what you have to say?
Are you sure peace and harmony will follow?
because that's the ultimiate need for my message. To create the environment of tranquility, of serenity. Where I can be left in peace with no worries or thoughts in mind.
Is that the ideal world I'm looking for?

my heart is pounding as this need to express, to say something, to be heard increases but my hope for someone to actually listen ( or the right audience will be found ) decreases.
My hopes are diminishing.
they are fading, now when I need them the most.

I still search for this ideal world, where peace is upon me.
Where these thoughts, this pain, this history is kept aside but not forgotten.
Where it lies in hibernation and leaves me with peaceful new experiences.
I'm searching.
In all the wrong places.
Direct me to the right place.

-with love-

Today I talked to God

2009-12-13T08:01:00.000-08:00

Today I went to church. I haven't been in a church for a long time. It was peaceful as I set there and listen to the service and looked at a painting of Jesus on the wall. Peace and quiet.
I felt at ease in my soul. Something that I haven't felt in a long time.
it made me think about my late grandfather and that I miss him.
It made me think about my family and how much I love them.
It made me think about friends and how I respect them.
It made me think about issue that I thought I was over but when talking about it, it still brings pain, hurt and disapointment with it.

I haven't been to a church for long as I dont feel like that's needed in order to stay spiritual and religious.
But I have experienced that when I sit in the church, listening and just breathing slowly.. it brings serenity.
I feel,
I think,
I believe.

Today, as I sat in church listening to the service, I spoke to God.
It feels better now, somehow.
Why I'm not sure.
but it does. And that something that can't be argued.
It wasn't a long talk. But I think it was needed.
And I'm hoping that now, after I have said things "outloud" something will happen. Hopefully I will start to let go.
Let it be.
I hope so!

-with love-

Love lifts us up!

2009-12-08T09:34:00.000-08:00

Why do we lower ourselves when it comes to love and the person we are in love with?
This question came to my mind as I heard a song by Faith Evans where she says “I’m nothing without you” You are my everything”.
I can not except that someone would think so low of him/herself.

Ok, I will accept that when you are in love with an amazing person that person impacts you, that person can make you a better person – I wouldn’t go so far to say complete as I believe that is also a lowering statement.
The right person can have influence, can support you, and can lighten up your life in so many ways. But is it then right to say you are nothing without that person?
There must have been something there for this amazing person to fall in love with you to begin with?
Why would you imply that you are worth nothing by being alone?

Maybe the reason people make these statements is the fact that when this person, this individual who impacted you in so many ways, leaves your life you become “normal” again? And now you are used to be this lifted, inspired person who someone loved, so this feeling of being left without that is not wanted.
Going back to your old self then doesn’t feel right. And I agree, you shouldn’t go back to your old self. You take this learning, this experience of being this person and you develop your new self. But you are always something. You can even become more if you want to.

Saying you are nothing is of course being extremely romantic and I do realize that songs are playing with emotions and that’s why this sentence is there. But it just struck me now as I heard it tonight.

Love is a great thing. Being in love is even better. I wish that feeling to everyone. But what I wish more than that is that people love themselves and understand that they are someone. And that being in love only takes them to another level of their awesomeness. I always try to keep that in mind. It’s hard, but it’s so much worth it in the end.

-with love-

December starts with a soft bang!

2009-12-06T01:05:00.000-08:00

It's December.
The weather has gotten very cold.
But the Christmas lights around the city brings it to life.
I heard that Copenhagen is one of the best cities to be in during this time of the year.
So far, it's been true :)

There is always something going on in my life, some actions, events and people coming and going. These passed few months it hasn't been so active. Like I said before, I had a steady routine and it didn't feel right.
Now as December starts I feel all active again, but still holding on to the routine in most parts. It feels good!
I guess it is just a phase I have to go through, to learn to appreciate my life.

Although December has just started it has brought with it dissapointment and sadness. But everything is balanced. So it has also brought joy, laughter, smiles and experiences.
I'm just learning to accept that good comes with bad, bad balances good and if I'm lucky.. the good outweights the bad.
as only 5 days have passed I know the good outweights the bad.
December is my month of joy, being happy and look forward to Christmas.
I just have to keep reminding myself that each dissapointment, each no, each sadness brings me one step closer to happiness if I just let it!
I have to have that in mind.
I need to :)
And I will!

- with love -

November holds my hand into Special times

2009-11-30T07:08:00.000-08:00

Last day of the month again and this day feels better than many other end of the month days.
November was mild, both in weather and also in feelings. I look back with smile and look forward to December.
Motivation has been low, my current path has been questioned and reflected upon, my self esteem has been shattered, my feelings have been mixed but still... It's been balanced I believe.
Good things have happened, friends visited, Copenhagen explored and feelings rekindled.
November has seen drama, frustrations, smiles and laughters.. But that should all months include.
Or at least that's my opinion!

So as December starts, one of my favorite month, November leads me into the new month with smile. What more can I ask for?

Christmas season is arriving and I cant be happier with that. I do believe Christmas brings the best out in my family, and I love sharing these special times with them.
But what is also exciting this year is the fact that I will experience Danish Christmas as well. That for me is priceless as well.
As much as I love my own traditions I do love learning new things as well, see how others celebrate these special times and how they enjoy life.
I love it.

Why is Christmas time so special for me?
I somehow feel people become more possitive, smile more and share their life, love and experiences. I believe and feel people want to be with me, they want to make me smile and they want me to make them smile.
It's time of family and family is one of my values. A value I want to nurish and attend to. It makes me smile.
That's what Christmas means to me!
I love being home.
I can not wait to go home and feel this again.
I miss it!

- with love -

The power of Poetry!

2009-11-27T02:20:00.000-08:00

When I was younger I expressed myself, my feelings and my creativity through poetry.
I was good at it, I loved it and I made people smile with them.
What a great feeling.
But then it somehow got lost to me.
Time passed with no writing, no words on paper and no expressions.
And the wierdest thing was, I didn't miss it!

The other day I reconnected with my old writings. I read them over and it kindled a known feeling within me. I remembered the feeling of creating something nice, beautiful and funny. I remembered the feeling I had when I wrote my sad poems, what events had just happened in my life and how they have changed me. Helped me to become who I am today.
Poetry was my expression, my way of letting my thoughts run free.

But as i grew older it faded.. why I'm not sure.
As I read my poetry I realized I miss this expression, this creation.
In a way, this blog is trying to fill in a hole.

I had forgotten, but when I was living in Paris last year I wrote few poems.
When I was feeling sad, all alone and not being able to share... I sat down with my notebook and expressed myself on paper.
And it felt good.

My poetry is very personal, ment for myself.

A friend asked me this week - why dont you publish them. Let others enjoy them?
And the feeling I got was... scared.
I would be letting people in, learning private things about the way I feel and think. I am not ready for that kind of openness..Not at this stage of my life.
My poems are for myself, to keep my thoughts clear, to help me conceptualize my feelings.
I believe everyone should do the same - but find their own form/way to express them.

I hope, that now I will continue expressing myself. Both with my thoughts here and my feelings in a poetry form.
It might help me focused.

-with love-

Have you ever thought "just maybe"?

2009-11-23T03:12:00.000-08:00

Feelings - what an interesting and sometimes amazing experience they can bring. They can also be sad, pain and cold.
We want to feel, mostly good, but I sometimes think people are searching for the feeling of pain.
Why do I think that?
People continue to hold on to objects or other human beings, fighting the loss as hard as they can. Most of the time, those people/objects we crave to hold on are those we need to let go.
But we cant and therefore we keep a feeling of pain, hurt and sadness within ourselves.

what is it that keeps us holding on?
Why do we fight to hold on to something that either has no feelings for us or that needs to leave our lives for some reasons?
Why is it hard to let go?

I guess, and this is only my opinion, that we want to believe that this person/Object is good for us in some ways.
That potentially there is more to come then the current relationship we have.
That maybe that person feels the same about you.

But usually, when we have hard time letting go - the other person doesn't even notice. Life goes on as normal.
And yet we sit and hope and pray and wonder.
it can be so painful.

So that's why I say people hold on to pain, the search it out and wont let go.
It takes time, hard work and support to give up something you truely believe is a good thing for you.
Giving it up is going to be hard. But only in the short term.
then pain goes away and we leave ourselves open for joy, love and laughter with new pepole, new objects - new experiences.

-with love-

What a difference a day makes

2009-11-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

It's interesting to realize how much the environment around you, events you go through and the news you receive can effect you.
It's also interesting to experience how your feelings can change one day to the next.

The way you react shows a little the character of your person, how strong you are and how self centered you are.
Being able to slowly but steadily take each challenge on, behave in a mature way and not giving up, feeling sad and blue is hard but not impossible.
When you are a stronger person it becomes even a preferred reaction to a challenge.
You know yourself enough to not fall into this bad habits.

I'm always saying I know myself well but then something happens and I'm challenged in my way of thinking and the way I look at myself.
I am preasured to rethink who I am, why I react the way I do and where I need to improve.
Because there are areas of improvement - I just am a little blind towards them myself in a daily routine.

But what I'm glad about, what makes me satisfied with me - is the fact that when I am challenged, when I know I'm reacting not according to what I believe in, I recogize it.. And that gives me potential in becoming better.
I am glad that I have that.
Not everyone does I believe.

So today has been a reflection day for my behavior, my selfishness and my lack of strength.
I'm a little closer to improvement.
But it's an ongoing process - and that I believe not everyone understands either.
You need to constantly rethink, reshape and reform who you are to become better ( or at least that is my believe at this very moment).
Reflection is my current action. I take it seriously.

-with love-

Selfishness on all levels :s

2009-11-20T09:11:00.000-08:00

when you find out that all your hard work, sleepless nights, blood, sweat and tears haven't been successful it's like a slap in your face. All your wind is out, energy is low and you feel bad.
Not bad for your little success but because even though you gave it your all - it still wasn't good enough.
Your self-esteem takes a hit and you wonder.. why am I bothering since my best is not good enough?

I'm feeling like this now..
But also what comes to mind is "if at first you dont succeed - try again".
I dont know why this is hitting me so hard today.
Maybe because I know I gave it my all and therefore I'm not going to become better. If I didn't understand and do better - what implies I will do better next time?

I think the reason why I get so sad is because I feel sorry for myself.
Instead of taking this and roll with it, making my mind on doing better I stop and be sad, feel sorry for myself and believe I deserve it.
But I dont.
I did my best and obiously it wasn't what was needed.

So why do I keep feeling sorry for myself?
Why do people do that?
Well, I have always believed that we are selfish creatures with focus on our best benefits, our best solution and our rights - weather it's actually right or not!
I think this is showing a little my selfishness.
So I better stop.

I know it's hard to get less recognition from a hard work than you expected.
I have experienced it.
I know that people demand what they believe they deserve.
I have done the same.

But those feelings will not bring me better results next time.
So I better stop and do.
Do the best I can and just cross my finger and hope it's the right thing to do at that point in time.
It's all I can do.
That and stop my selfishness!

-with love-

Path of no return?

2009-11-15T12:53:00.000-08:00

As I sit at my desk, watch out my window into the darkness that is embracing Copenhagen now I feel a little uneased.
I should be at peace after a relaxing weekend, catching up with family and exploring Denmark a little more but I'm not.
It's not an uncomfortable feeling I'm having. It's kind a more "oh man, why am I here?"
So I'm in a need to soulsearch a little and figure my way a little again.
Being so busy I haven't had the time to confirm where I'm heading and if I'm satisfied with it.

I miss my lifestyle of travelling, of discovering new cultures, people and being on the move.
Now I'm getting into a routine, something I haven't done in years and it feels strange. Routine is not bad and I am discovering new things - but in the field of my studies.
It's just a feeling like I'm missing out on life!

I know that's not what's happening as I'm preparing myself for the future.
But the fast track I've been on is becoming slow and steady and familiar.
There is no uncertanty, no breath of fresh air, now feeling of accomplishment.
Perhaps this feeling is starting to show it self as I have began to question the path I'm on now.. Dont get me wrong, Denmark is great!
But I'm not completely satisfied with my study program and maybe that is pushing this doubt, this feeling on going nowhere into my heart.
Perhaps I just need to sit down, analyze my life as it is at the moment and discover if I'm on the right path or not.

Maybe I need a time where life takes an unexpected turn, brings in color and excitement and get's me motivated again.
As I read in the book I'm currently reading " Principle-centered leadership" by Stephen R, Covey...
Motivation is a function of the heart - more than the head..
And maybe I'm not following my heart as I should be.
Maybe I am and I just dont realize it because the other alternative looks more interested - the gras is greener or the other side..
But is that ever the case?
I should just hold back and rediscover who I am and where I'm going - to make sure my path is taking my the right way!

-with love-

I'm just joking ( and leaving you a hint )

2009-11-12T04:28:00.000-08:00

With every sentence we say, in joke or in real, there is always some level of seriousness behind it. Even if you might not see it in your own words, it's there.
People say something, knowing that it's a joke but the little portion of truth in it might find it's way to the listener.
Wierd topic I know but I've been thinking about why do I make the jokes I do. Is there some truth that I'm trying to send out to the listener - as I do believe that there is meaning with everything I say?

Like Skunk Anansie says - I'm lost in time I can count the words.. That's what I'm doing.
I'm counting my words, making sure I'm not saying something I dont really want people to hear, understand or see.

I made a joke the other night that lead to interesting discussions, but the thing is.. I wanted those discussions to happen. I wanted to see if the thoughts were still there with the listener.
So I used the joke to manipulate the aftermath of the joke towards topics that I found to hard to just start a discussion on.
So the joke had a truth, a meaning, an hidden agenda.

I'm becoming more and more aware of this.. and therefore I'm trying to not just joke randomly but "use" the jokes in a right way.
Although I'm getting more aware of this - I'm not sure that others are aware. Or sometimes it feels like they are not aware - and the smallest joke can leave traces of truth, hurt and pain after it's said.
But is it my role to ask people if there is a little truth behind each joke? If they meant something more then what they wanted to say?
Well, we all learn by getting constructive feedback from others, we spend time with, work with and so on.
But is this something that can be given in a form of feedback?
I'm just not sure.

- with love -

Self R-E-S-P-E-C-T, tell me what it means to me!!

2009-10-31T03:21:00.000-07:00

it's the end of the month. a month that always seems so gray and dull - October.
Last October I spent in Paris and somehow it didn't seem as gray. I actually enjoyed the autumn leaves and the beauty that Paris has to offer.
Here in Copenhagen, it's not that the month has been gray. It's more that it's been cold and stressful that took the color out of it.

I've been thinking a lot about me and my personal beliefs and strengths. This book I'm reading is really bringing up some questions and they are challenging my thoughts. They are challening me but also leaving me with some interesting points I should potentially look into.

Question about self respect.
Where does it come from?
is it as simple as making a promise and keep it to yourself?
and from keeping the promise you feel better and start to repsect the fact that you can do what you set your mind to?
I dont know
I want to know.

The questions that are circling around in my head are related to my personal self repsect and self knowledge.
I make promises and dont keep them. And yes of course it sucks. But somehow I dont feel it's the only part that builds up self respect.
What other objects, feelings, actions lead to self respect?
I'm gonna keep on reading the book.
See what I find more out.
I will share here!

-with love-

Procra..... Neh I write it later!

2009-10-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

Procrastination is a very interesting word I find.
I find it so interesting that I would prefer to leave my work, watch a movie and then have to be stressed later to finish my work.
And I'm not the only one!
Then we complain about stress, lack of time, not being 100% prepared and wonder why we dont do better then we did!

Procrastination comes too easily to me.
I wonder why?
Why is this so easy?
Why can I not just stay on top of my plan and work according to my schedule, stressfree and happy?

It's not that I'm not happy now, believe me I am.
But I also just know somewhere deep in my head that I have to deal with the consequences later.
I'm fully aware of that, yet I dont stop delaying things. My focus does not get clearer, and my mind does not stay on topic.
Why?
Psychology researchers use three criteria to categorize procrastination: for a behavior to be classified as procrastination, it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying - Wikipedia
I'm definitely the last part, delaying all the studying as much as I can!

I found this interesting video online - I actually saw it couple of months ago. But as I watch it again now, it's speaking to me!
It IS me!

I have to find ways to stop procrastinating, stop leaving important stuff hanging there.
How?
I will hopefully find a way!
-with love-

lack of dialouge leads to pain?

2009-10-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

The fall has officially arrived to Copenhagen. The cold has been here for awhile but it's the grayness, the foggy weather and the light rain that really make it look and smell like an autumn.

My days are becoming less organized then when I came here. I'm becoming more flexible. That, for me, is a sign of feeling comfortable.
I like it!

as the day become shorter, darker, wetter, my spirit becomes lighter yet stressful, happy yet nervous, awake yet tired.
My mind is always at work and not always working on the right materials.
So what is on my mind these days?
Complains and comparisons!

I have noticed that many people, sometimes even including me, complain heavily. Especially related to health.
But what bugs me even more than that is the fact that when someone else is sharing their pain as well... the pain is never as much as with the first people.
They are the one suffering.
It bothers me so much!

Why do we do that?
Why do we compare pain and lack of health?
Why do we insist that our pain is worse then someone elses?
Why do we think this topic is interesting to others?

I keep asking myself these questions, hoping I can learn from them for my behaviour.
I know we are all different, we can not take as much pain as the next person or whatever, but we should be able to respect that we also dont know how the other person is feeling and if your pain is worse.
I think this subject is doomed to lead to frustrations with friends and family - as everyone is hurting sometime.
We can not help it.
It depends on what time of pain we are in, but it's there - sometimes bad and sometimes bearable.

I think there are certain topics that people can not discuss without being very objective and open for a dialouge.
But many people aren't able to do so!
then what to do?
Stop whining - listen to people and they will listen to you!!

-with love-

People are alike - in so many different ways!

2009-10-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

I'm facinated by people.
I'm facinated about their interests, their lives, their education, their music taste and their behaviors.
I also know that I attend to put people into specific categories based on their appearances and behaviours at first sight.
I dont intend to but based on generalizations already established in the society my thoughts tend to follow the path.

Some people do fit in with the steriotypes, the generalizations, but most people dont.
That's why I love to get to know people with different interests, backgrounds, social status - all just to challenge my thoughts of the categories I tend to put people in.
It's working.
I love when people surprize me, are more then meets the eye.

People are so interesting beings.
We, as a race, value so diverse things, some are religous others are atheists, some like country mucis and some like Rock, some want children.
We are so different. French, icelandic, African, indian, tribal, Asian.
But even though we are so different, I believe there is no species just as alike as we are.
We have emoitions,some show them and others hold them in - but it's there.
We have motivational aspects in our lives besides just keeping alive and raise our youngs.
We believe in things, wether it's God, ourselfs, friends/families, the environment, famous people or something else.
We love. We want to be loved. We want to express love.
And we do express our believes, loves and emotions in one way or another. Some I might not agree with, Some I think are wrong But we all express us in some ways.

As I learn more about people, the more I'm attatched to the knowledge of human behaviour, motivation and passions.
I want to continue challenging my view of people.
I will express myself and enjoy my likeness with the person next to me as I continue my path in learning about my friends and family, people I love or could love.
what an interesting path I have to say.

-with love-

Motivation, such an interesting word

2009-10-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

Where does motivation come from?
Why am I motivated about some issues but not others?
Why can I not keep motivated to write my essay?

I have this final exam essay to write and I love the topic, I enjoy reading my data but I can not start writing.
I can not put my thoughts into words. I would rather spend my time watching TV, facebooking or reading something completely different.

I dont know what's wrong.

But I'm getting more and more settled in here in Copenhagen. I am starting to grow to this environment, learning my ways around and feeling comfortable at my home - love it!
The only thing missing is my motivation.
Both for my essay and also getting out in evening to meet friends and potentially start excercising.

So that's why I'm wondering about this word "motivation" and where it comes from. Why am I motivated about some things and not other?
What motivates me?
Interests = Motivation?

I love these questions as I think about the answers as I post them here.
Now I just have to really think, and hope to find my motivation and delegate it into my essay.
Let's hope :)
-with love-

Indulgence - where art thou

2009-10-07T03:53:00.000-07:00

Sitting in my bed with no light except the one from the computer, playing “the first cut is the deepest” with Duffy I’m feeling a little blue ( and no – it’s not from the cold in my apartment ;) )
I have to give up one thing that really makes my day good. One thing I look forward while waiting for breaks in classes, my way to wake up – Coffee!

These past few days I have been having heartburn and feeling quite tired. But I have also been drinking way to much coffee ( according to some people ). And to find out if the coffee is making my feeling bad, I need to take a break.

It sounds very simple when I’m writing this where, the music has changed to Creed playing very melancholy song – fitting very well to my feeling.
But when I actually think about giving up something that means a lot, makes an impact and I enjoy it doesn’t seem so simple anymore.
Why do I feel like that when I know it’s better for me to leave it. It might be the thing that is causing my heartburns?
Why do we have such hard times giving up the bad habits but we find it so easy to take new ones on?

Listening to the words of Red hot Chili Peppers – we just have to give it away.
Why isn’t it just that simple when you realize what it is you should give away?

Sometimes I find the human mind, feelings and stubbornness a very interesting issue. I have so little knowledge when it comes to these things. But I do like asking questions, challenge and wonder why I’m so weak at some areas when I’m so strong in others.
What decides where I’m stronger and where I’m not as strong and where I am a complete mess?

I’m not happy as I go into a new day where I will leave out few things that I like. I love myself to much ( meaning I don’t want to do hard things even though they are best ) to take something from me – but now it’s asked by someone else, someone who cares about me enough to make me realize what I need to do. And then I need to listen.
I need to by extra strong this week – without my coffee ;)

-With love -

What's the meaning of your brands?

2009-09-28T02:33:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to think about how some things become a big part of your daily routine and some would say an obsession as well.
Like for example facebook.
Now, since I got the internet home I feel the urge to check facebook out regularely and check out what my friends are doing and what is going on in the world.
Facebook is becoming my means of communicating.
Does that mean it's becoming a part of who I am?

One of my course in school is talking about corporate Brands and one of the question that was raised in class is do brands become what they are because of the consumer's consumption? Meaning - do companies create the brand or is it we, the people who buy it and therefore strenghten the signal they are supposed to mean for people?

I never thought I was a brand person, buying and using brands just because they are cool.
But I do.. but maybe not for the coolness of them but for the sentimental value they have with me.
They are part of me - who I am and what I stand for, in some way.

I think it's very interesting to look at people this way and see if they are aware of this.
Because I think I'm not the only one that uses branded material to state my identity, who I am.
I think we all do in one way.
Do you buy organic?
You prefer fair trade goods?
You buy Nike because of their link with the atheletes?

Now always, but most of the time there is reason behind our purchases.
Are we aware of them, that's my question.
Facebook definetly is a part of me and my way to communicate.

- with love -

obsessed much?

2009-09-26T04:50:00.000-07:00

Somehow, these days, I'm constantly tired.
I started this semester so hard core, making sure I will not stay behind, misunderstand or fail my courses.
Now I can not even read one chapter :s

But besides these mild uncomforts I'm doing great.
School really is challenging me and my thoughts. I'm loving it :)

Why do people get obsessed with certain people/things?
I'm wondering as I seem to become easily obsessed with things I find interesting.
Then I just dont think of anything else, I share it with everyone and try to learn as much about it as possible.
What is it do be obsessed?

To preoccupy the mind of excessively.
v. intr.
To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic
- from dictionary.com

How can you find the line between "normality" and "obsession"?
I dont think we will find that solution in a dictionary. But then again I dont think I know where to search.
Should you just feel it?
What if you dont?
What can happen if you overstep the line - even so far that the line becomes just a dot to you ( Joey Tribbiani - Friends )
I wonder.

Maybe obsession is normal in small doses - it keeps us interested in people/things and motivates us to learn more, be more.
But as long as you dont go too far from the mentioned "line".
I wonder.

I dont expect to come to a concrete answer - I will just stay a little obsessed with my things and hoping I can always keep the line in sight, stay interested and move on when the time is right ;)

- with love -

world of challenge leads to a better me

2009-09-15T10:46:00.000-07:00

Three weeks already and my first two courses are about to end – with a big essay where I have to analyze business strategies and alignment of organizational identity within an organization of my own choosing.
What company should I choose?

It’s interesting to be reading about organizational culture and identity. I can relate many of the readings to my own experience, both inside an organization as well as just personal experience. Being new here in Copenhagen is bringing culture shocks and challenging my personal identity and what I stand for as an individual.

I feel challenged every day here.
The amount of reading materials is not something I’m used to, riding my bike in a different traffic ( and just trying to ride the bike after years of no practice hehe ), staying focused in classes, being analytical of the texts I’m reading, trying to get used to cook in the new kitchen, not understanding what people are saying and so many more.

But without challenge I wouldn’t want to strive to overcome them and become better, stronger, faster and able to speak Danish. Without constant challenge I would just be.
I don’t want to just be – I want to be great! I want to overcome these challenges and find the next ones as they will be harder, deeper, different.

I’m still trying to adjust to living in Denmark, learning what I can do after school, during weekends. Where I can sit down with a coffee or a beer, where I can meet friends, sit down and enjoy the weather.
I’m still learning. So far I think I’m doing good. But that doesn’t mean I could do better – I know I could!

-with love-

strengthen my faith to survive

2009-09-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

It's already been 2 weeks since I moved from Iceland to Denmark, I'm getting settled in already, my room looks quite good and now it's just getting into the learning mood - reading all the time and have this analytical thinking.
it's just harder then I expected :)

As I sit a little longer at school looking at people that strike me as being so completely different from each other, with different backgrounds and different ways of thinking, I start to look at myself and ways that I am using my background and contributing with my different thinking - Am I doing that?

I sometimes doubt myself when I look at those people around me, I doubt my intellegence, I doubt my points in discussions and I doubt that I'm making a big fool of myself when I am trying to communicate.

“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.” – Kahlil Gibran

I think that the reason I'm feeling this little these days is that I'm not comfortable in the environment yet, I haven't build up my self esteem amongst my peers. But that's what they are - my peers. They are no better/worse then I am. Just different and I need to overcome the doubt that my difference will not be accepted/understood and just go with the flow.

I dont want to keep this longer as I need to continue studying.
I just wanted to get back to these thoughts that I'm having and what I feel is my way out of situations that I have gotten myself in, no matter if they are rightly there or not!

- with love and faith -

what have you got to say about your life?

2009-08-31T00:58:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of August and Septmber and the autumn is just behind the corner.
A lot of things have been going through my mind since I came to Copenhagen as this is a rush of experiences, feelings and learnings.

I'm currently sitting at my school, waiting for the first class of my Master program to start - Business Strategies - and I have a tingle in my stomach.
It's all about to begin.

I was watching a movie yesterday, Set it off with Jada Pinkett and my favorite actress Queen Latifah. I have seen this movie before, it's sad, it's heart breaking but still it has a good message in the end.
Short term solutions might seem the best way to go - but if you want to change, take a different course in life and get out of the hard life you are living, you have to plan forward. You have to realize how your short term plans and actions are contributing to where you see yourself in 5 years from now.

The girls in the movie didn't get that. Easy money and life was great. Until the Consequences caught up with them and they had to pay.

It was just interesting to see and hear how people in certain aspects believe that they do not deserve any better then what they have at the moment.
Is that correct? No!!
If so, then society ( in my opinion ) would never evolve as people were to afraid to learn, to adapt, to change.

Well, I just wanted to put this thought out there as I have to start learning and I had to release these thoughts :)
- with love -

reality to the right - wonderland to the left

2009-08-15T15:10:00.001-07:00

It's saturday night and I'm sitting at home, listening to music and working on my computer.
what comes to my mind is the change that is about to take place in my life in the coming week. But also the fact that I will miss my family and friends and face the challenge to make new friends.
Yes I do believe it is a challenge - to make new friends. why I'm not sure... maybe because I dont have all that confidence I should have?

It's strange.. I planned to go up north this weekend, party with friends and see some friends play for the first time in a band on a stage.
But reality sank in, I have too many things to organize, plan and pack before I leave this lovely country of mine.
I realized that, even though I'm fairly organized individual, I'm very unorganized and my prioritation could be questioned. But I always see it in the end - let's hope I always manage before it's too late!

Reality.. what an interesting word.
What is my reality? Where does the reality end and my dream/hopes begin?
Reality is easy to change but I think people ( including me ) dont realize how to.
for those who believe in the "secret" reality is what they dream of - it becomes true!
That's great.
As I listen to Aerosmith with the song "walk this way" I start thinking about the paths that I have been walking and the reality they belonged to.
So I'm just gonna walk this way - that I'm on now - and when the time comes, I will change my reality according to what I want, where I'm heading and how I see would be the best for me!
It's that easy ;)

Well, I'm off to sleep
-with love-

happy as a hippo?

2009-08-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

as I have mentioned here before - even though I dont blog things are still running crazy around in my head. This is no exeption!

In just few days a new chapter in my life will start and I'm getting so excited about it. It's a chapter I chose for myself with a lot of thinking and soulsearching.
And It's almost here.

A new chapter which includes both a new challenge in educaion as well to move and adapt to a new country, new environment, new culture.
I'm ready.

I had a very interesing talks with two friends, Lyuba and Hildur, the other day.
We meet to talk about how to find the paths we want to take in life, choices and action steps towards personal development.
I realized I have many ways to work, may good and some not so good. I like sharing my experience and find out options for friends to gain a valuable experiences, finding themselves and be happy - whatever happiness means to them!

What is happiness?
I believe 2 people have exactly the same deffinition on what happiness is for them.
and maybe due to that people question the fact they will ever find happiness.
My opinion is this,
You have to understand who you are and what makes you happy, what is happiness to you!
Without this basic understanding of you, you are running wildly tryig to catch something that might not even be valuable for you.
But I dont think people realize that happiness can be different from one person to the next.

I am one step closer to fully understand what happiness is to me.
At this point in life I am as happy as I can be, with he understanding that I have of myself.

-with love-

a choice a way from experience

2009-08-01T05:31:00.000-07:00

as July has come to an end and my favorite month starts with pouring rain and freezing cold I feel satisfied.
July was a hell of a month with hard work, meeting friends and being extremely proud of the summer course I was cooperating on.

In a hard time like Iceland is facing these days, to be supporting 20 new entrepreneurial companies to start business is an amazing feeling. It's kind a hard to explain.. you just have to experience it your self..
the feeling of joy, of success, of gratitude to those who also made this happen and to participants who managed to make this experience come to life.

Now, as I sit at my cousins place up west, I start to think about all the action steps that have led me to where I am today.
it's all about choices and not being afraid to take them.
You never know if they are the right ones for you at the time.. but with every choice and decision you are at least one step closer to another experience.
If you are too afraid - you just stay at same place and dont develop.
that's my experience

So from january this year I have been trying to take smart decisions that lead me to where I want to be.. and so far I have managed to come safe and stronger from each choice I have made.

Choices are so important and to tell people about your choice builds a commitment towards it.
Then you are more likely to stay true to the choice and where it leads you.
Personally I know, there are some choices I have to make - for myself - but I dont speak about them to others so there is no commitment building on my part!
I know this about myself, I know the choices and the decision I have to make but I just dont want to!
What is that all about?

Well.. first step I guess is to realize I have to make a choice.
Then to make it
Then to stick by it ( that's the hardest part sometimes )
then to enjoy the good things that come from this decision!

Hopefully I manage soon!

- with love -

building a dream on sand!

2009-07-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

How easy is it to create a feeling? or rekindle a feeling you thought had left your life?
I know I'm a very sensitive person who feels a lot, but for example love - doesn't come easy to me.
I fall easily but the fall is always short and fades away soon!
But the feeling comes quickly - it doesn't take a lot
Why?

Maybe it's just because I know how it feels to be in love and it's a feeling I wouldn't mind feeling again. So I'm trying to slowly but steadily to get there?
oh man.. just a random thinking I know but it is something that I have been thinking about as I have noticed this with me.

Maybe it's because I like this tingling feeling of liking someone.
but why does it come so fast and fade a way even faster?
Who knows.. certainly not me :p

Even though the tingling feeling is nice, I sometimes dream to much and build ideas on sand... then when it rains my dream is shattered.. and I'm left without a tingling and have to start all over again.
So I ask again.. why am I creating feelings that most likely are built on sand?
What encourages me?
What do I stand to gain? or loose?

I guess I have some more thinking to do!
-with love-

expanding my zones of comfort

2009-07-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

I think people are afraid of stepping out of their comfort zone, trying things they have never done before and meet people they usually would not meet.
I experienced this yesterday when I decided to step out of my comfort zone and go to a metal concert with three Icelandic metal bands.
This was my first time, I was feeling a little nervous about not fitting in but I also had this excitement feeling in my stomach.
I wanted to try!

I dont think I have been so nervous about what to wear in years. Usually I dont care, but yesterday I was nervous. I had to get help from my sister-in-law.
But when I was sure of the outfit then all fell into place. I was feeling much much more secure.
It was just this first step towards something new that was scary..
When that was done I new I would just enjoy this experience with friends who by the way were also stepping outside their comfort zones.
There's power in support I have noticed!

By now I have gotten to know more people, new type of music and Icelandic band that is about to tour all over Europe but I had never even heard of them.
So I have to admit, taking this step yesterday and just go with the flow and not being to uptight - that has been paying off for me this summer.
I feel good about this.
Actually, I feel great!

I wish more people would do this, not being afraid.
Then I guess understanding, patience and potential cooperation would be easier amongst people!
Just a thought.

- with love -

Body and mind

2009-07-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

Our bodies are very interesting "invention".
No matter how hard we work it without little or no rest it proves that it can take almost everything we bring..
But for a short period of time - I mean - without proper resting and relaxing.

This, I am feeling right now.
I have been working maybe a little to much without a day off and relaxing.
Today I felt the consequences.
I had fever, head ache and felt really bad.

Of course I started taking it more easy but it's hard when you are at work.;)
Did I listen to the body?
Neh, I knew I should have gone straight home after work, rest and maybe even take a bath.
But I decided to meet a friend.
Of course I do not regret that decision as i haven't met her in a long time.
But I also feel as I get home early that I needed it.

So now I'm starting to realize that if I want to be able to take Copenhagen head on I need to take it easy now.
Even though I am enjoying working so much.. I need to rest, relax and charge my batteries.
I will need them full when I go back to school.

Yes,
Your bodies and minds are amazing.
How much we can use them.
But I think we dont use them as much as we should - in a proper way at least ;)
Anyway..
I'm starting to talk crazy..
I'm going to sleep, resting my body as well as mind.

- with love -

what I make of life

2009-07-16T06:45:00.001-07:00

I started to blog yesterday but I never got the time to finish it.
So let's just start again!
Today I finished a big working schedule - 13 days without a day off - and I managed. Although I can admit that this morning I was not really ready to wake up.
But I always enjoy going to work.

It's so strange but I feel like when I keep myself so busy I dont really have time to sit down and reflect on my thoughts, experiences and feelings.
Like when I was in Paris.
Then, I was feeling so much but with a lot of time to digest the feelings and thoughts that came with.
Now, my feelings have not faded but my time to sit down and analyze what they actually mean is less these days then I actually would like.

A sentence was said to me today at work - "work is what you make of it" and I do agree.
I think both work and life is what you make of it. And now, I want to be happy... So I am happy.
Even though I havent had many days off I still enjoy the work I'm doing, the people I work with and I know I will be able to use the salaries in a good way towards something that I really want - my studies!

So you can basically say, I'm grabbing life by it's head and making it be as I want it to be.. as beautiful as it can be... and stay as happy as I can be!
Positive attitude is the key, that I have really figured out!

- with love -

Self awareness but no will power?

2009-07-10T15:52:00.000-07:00

Time is flying so fast these days that I feel like I'm loosing balance. I can not finish everything I need. Or that's my feeling.
But even though this feeling is there I still enjoy my life, my work, my activities.

There is something extremely frustrating about myself that I can not seem to figure out a solution to.
I have so many ideas of what I want to do for my self and I know they are good for me, but I dont make them happen.
I keep thinking... I'll start on monday.
Then monday comes and I think.... man, I will start on wednesday or something.
And all the time when I'm procrastinating these action steps i should take, there is a tiny voice in my head saying.. Thordis, you lazy bastard.

Where do people find the strength, skills and will power to change their behavior from one way to a better but more challenging way?
And what is it that is making me so lazy to go the direction I know is good for me?
What to do when you know the destination but the journey there is still a mystery?
What then?

If you figure this out, please let me know.
I need to do something.
I know that.
But I just need to figure out how I get myself to do it!

- with love -

Life sure is beautiful

2009-07-05T01:34:00.000-07:00

A new month has arrived and life sure is beautiful.

I enjoy my work, I'm doing interesting things in my free time like snorkeling, Whale watching and spending time with friends and family.
And the best thing of all is that life sure is following my idea of where to go.
I got accepted to CBS for my master studies in Economics and business administration - with focus on Strategy, organization and leadership :)
And that makes me just so much more happier.

So as July starts with big bangs that are so many things that I need to start thinking of, plan, organize and do.
but somehow I can not seem to find the time.

Getting accepted to CBS is a milestone for me towards my goals in the future.
I was so scared that I wouldn't get accepted as there were so many people applying.
But I did.
Leaving to Denmark brings me closer to what I want to do in life, it's what I'm passionate about and I'm looking SO much forward to take on this challenge and also live in a different country.

I do feel blessed, I feel lucky and I feel happy these days!

Life sure is beautiful. :)
- with love -

One yes towards a good experience!

2009-06-28T04:41:00.000-07:00

June is about to end and I feel like it started yesterday. Time has flied so fast and when I look back I see why it has gone so fast. I'm working, working and keeping busy after work as well.
No relaxation for me! ;)

This weekend I went out of my comfort zone a bit. Not by doing something different then I'm used to but saying yes when I feel like saying no!
But I'm so glad I said yes in both occasions.

Both occasions gave me something, I met new people and had amazing fun.
When I think back, that's so priceless and I was just one NO away from not experiencing it!
How sad would that have been.

But today is a beginning of a new week with work and new challenges.
I was going to relax this weekend, but that somehow went out of the window.
Relaxation is needed.. I will try to get some today!
Lets see how that goes.
I hope for it.

-with love-

a live message - inspired!

2009-06-25T11:41:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting in a university class room, listening to a friend of mine talking about his experience in making a business plans.
The reason is...
it's Thursday's class in "establish your own company" and we are making sure that participants understand what a business plan is and how to do it!
So important!

So why am I blogging and not listening to carefully?
I wanted to share something with those who read this.

I'm very inspired by people around me.
I'm also working on my own business plan in relations to markets in Asia.
I have many more ideas about possibilities that are lying all over Iceland.
I feel empowered by my own abilities, motivation and passion.
I'm following a dream!

And the best thing is also.. the people here are also following their dreams.
And I'm supporting them in making it come true!
How cool is that??? :)

there is only one thing today that can make life even better ( it's great as it is)and hopefully I will know in 2-3 weeks!
Cross our fingers!

- with love and inspiration -