Social construction influenced by music!

Today I was sitting in the Metro on my way to the airport to meet a dear friend. She had a very short layover at the Copenhagen airport.
as always, while travelling I had my iPod on and a song came on that made me think a little..
The song is called Call my name with a band called Third Day.
I found the song and I want to share it with you here.. maybe you take some learning out of it as I did today - or more as thoughts rather than learnings.



In my current studies I have learned that words, stories and discourses can carry a lot of meaning with them.. something we can make sense out of and I'm starting to apply this approach to my songs as well. Many songs have meaning, we just need to dig deeper and find what meaning we put into it.
In the song above there were sentences like;
- Its been so long since you felt like you were loved
-What went wrong?
-When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
-and it seems like no one in this whole world cares
-

I construct my own social reality and create a meaning of this... where I connect with these sad words, sad reality. but understand that there might be someone who actually cares.. who wants me to call their names.
So even if the reality around me feels unbearable, I'm sad and alone, my friends are far away and not always there.. I just need to stretch my hand, make a phonecall, send an e-mail, facebook message or even skype them and my reality changes as people bring in their reality to mine and construct a new, more positive, happy place where I want to be.
Load of crap maybe.. but in my reality, this all makes sense!! :)

- with love -

bringing hidden agenda into the light!

Our life and experiences is something we can and should share with others, both for enlightenment as well as for just talk about their life.
for some of us, though, there are times in our lives that by some reasons we can not share, due to secrets, promises, bad experiences or choices we're not proud of.
believe me I have few of those experiences but when I look back at them most of them I learned something, I gained something ( even if I lost something/someone ) and in my experience sharing has usually brought me closer to understanding my learnings.

I know sometimes you have to keep a secret, promise not to tell or share, live with bad decisions or whatever, but in the long term you should be able to find out what you learned as a person. what did that period have to do with who you are now as a person. How you can avoid or reach out to new or old friends or things.
Its important.

Although it is important it is hard to make sense to these times, these events, these people.
My opinion is that I need to try.
if not, it hunts me, frustrates me or scares me, hurts me and hinders me from growing.
I dont want that.
I cant afford that.
So how can I start to make sense to my "darker/hidden" periods, people in it, events attended, love lived and/or lost?
How can I start to open up after being closed for such a long time, wondering what it meant, if it meant anything at all?
How can I overcome this hiding and realize how it is affecting me today?
how is what I want to know!

-with love-

Music guides my way!

It is amazing how powerful songs and lyrics can be when certain situations happen.
In more the one occation do I look to songs to feel empowered, inspired, angry and to hear words that I need to hear to start letting go of things.
I never really understood how some people can actually live for music but it started to be clearer and clearer when I realize how important this little things are for my sanity. it's amazing.
think about it.... really think when you hear songs, what emotions do they waken within you?
What do you think?
How do you feel afterwards?
Was it needed?

I wanna end this post about my awareness with few lines that are important for me since last night.. and I need to keep them in mind just for few more days.. then I hopefully need another song with another meaning to guide me through my rocky path :)

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.
- The All American Rejects

the lyrics speak to me, Now I just better listen!!!

-with love-

being me is not good enough?

I never learn from my past mistakes.. or at least it feels like I dont.
Sometimes I feel like I'm naive.. I'm too trusting and allow people to take advantage of me. and then I become disappointed and angry when they dont deliver to my "standards" of behavior because that's what I expected in return.
even though they never "agreed" with my expectations.

it makes me angry at myself, it makes me angry at these individuals and makes me sometimes doubt if getting to know new people is actually worth it. It feels like I'm just loosing more than I'm gaining.
Or at least that's how it feels now, at this very moment. Just when I have been having a negative experience yet again with an individual I thought was worth "keeping".
I was wrong.. and I learn the hard way.

This is not the first time I'm angry at myself because of this person, and it's not the first time I'm angry at this person.
How can I overcome this believe that people are by rule kind hearted and want you well?
When in real life people think about themselves and their gains in the relationship. how much can they get away with this time without giving anything back or actually investing in a friendship or a relationship?
Why does it seem that I attract these type of people?
and why the f**k cant I learn that it's never as it seems, they dont mean what they are saying and I just end up without a friend and loss of integrity and/or positivity.

I know that this is not true of all people, but like I said.. it feels like I'm attracting all the "wrong" type of people in my life now.. and it's making me feel that I should just keep to the current friends I have, not open up, not take chances and not allow people in.. because I'm too open when I start.. I'm too needy if I can say that. and people cant handle it and leave, and take their words and promises with them..
good riddance I guess!
lets see
-with love-

when it rains - it pours! so to speak!

It is in times when you get bad news you start understanding your strength and the power of the relationship you have with your family, or those involved in the bad news.
Today I got bad news, it left me shocked, it left me with tears in my eyes.
I guess life needs to be balanced, good and bad come in package. you cant have one without the other.
It's a matter of how you handle the time when bad news arrive in your life.. I look inside, channel my thoughts to the good time, share my feelings with people I trust and try to continue with my life.
But it is hard.
News that affect you can take energy out of you, leave you stranded..
and how can you get back on track when once stranded?

I'm in a search for answers to these how questions of mine.
I will not be left behind stranded and sinking..
I will get free, with my strength and my power..
But I might need support..
and I'm not afraid to look for it..
- with love -

I count my luck in life!

I sometimes find myself thinking how lucky I am.
I have amazing parents and family who support me when needed without me having to ask. They know how hard it is for me to ask for help, no matter how small it is.
I feel, as people offer their support, that I'm appreciated, I'm valued as a person, a member of the family and that my contribution is important. I think that's why my family is so generous and willing to help me.
I'm honored by this.. and I know just how lucky I am.
Not everyone has a family they can rely on.
Unfortunately.

I sometimes also think about my friends.
I have many great friends with diverse background, from different corners of the world and who value different things in life.
But they all make me feel great, make me feel inspired in one way or another.
The fact that they look for me, want to hang with me, spend their precious time with me shows me that they care. That they appreciate who I am and what I bring to the friendship.
I'm amazed by this and I can not help to count my luck and smile when I think of my friends.
I know, not everyone has friends that truely care and allow you to be who you are.
Unfortunatly.

The reason for this message is not to showcase anything special except for the fact that we have people around us that elevate us, lift us up, allow us to become greater than we ever thought we could become.
All because they care, they support, they show interest, they want you around.
I think we all need to recognize these people in life and show them we know. we care as well and support them to be as great as they can be.
It goes both ways.

I hope my friends and family feel the same. that I'm here for them, support and care.
I hope they think they are lucky knowing I want to have them around, I listen to them and share their excitments and joy.
just as they do with me.
I hope they know!

- with love -