An Extraordinary experience is waiting - are you ready to take it?

It has been a while since I shared something here. But I havent had the need for sharing, there hasnt been thought stuck in my head or questions I need to answer or ask.
But I got this need now. So I am back with one more post.

I had the great experience to travel half around the world to attend a conference about the topic I want to work with in my career life. I spent all my savings, made plans and handed in an article which was published. When I came there I met great people, motivated and intelligent people working in the field I want to work in, either in business, NGO's or as academics. It was inspiring and challenging.
I loved it.

It was my first time attending one of these types of conferences, and I was so nervous when it was my turn to  speak, share my article and my thoughts around it and my view point about the topic. I havent been this stressed in a LONG time.
But what a rewarding experience. People enjoyed my thoughts and agreed in many cases. I got great feedback on my performance and I won the best paper for the research track. WHAT A START!
I came home, having met old friends, having gained new ones, and have some more and deeper experience in the field I am trying to build my career in. I cannot ask for anything more.

So why am I sharing this with you now?

Because I believe we do not dare enough. I think we are too comfortable in our bubble so we do not search for or allow great opportunities to pop up. With taking chances comes great results and I think many of us are missing out on these results, these experiences to make us better because we have it so nice in our daily lives.
So I wanted to share this, hoping that it might ignite some interest to go out and search for your opportunities, be in attending conferences, meeting valuable people, write articles, create a video, whatever it is that gets to to a better place in your life ... GO FOR IT!
What have you got to lose?
NOTHING!!
Money comes back (in most cases)
pride can be hurt but you'll get over it

I hope more of us start to be brave. As the Metal Singer Blaze Bayley sang so great - FORTUNE FAVORS THE BRAVE!
Lets reach our extraordinary experiences!

- with love- 

your most important everything!

We all need someone to hold us when we are sad, to cheer us when we are lonely, to stand by us when we are having a fight. We rely on your family, your friends, your partner, to be there when you most need them.
But what do you do when it is one of these people you are fighting with?
What happens to you when one foundation to your support network is breaking?
What is the right (if there is any) thing to do, to say, to think, not to do?

I have had fights with my family, me and my dad sometimes get along like oil and water.. but we always leave those fights in a term where we can still end in a positive note.
I have fought with my boyfriend but the love is stronger than the anger so we want to sit down and discuss and build stronger relationship.
I have fought with friends, about issues that for me were important but for them were non-existing. But again.. the feeling of support, love and respect is overpowering so the fight only makes my relationships stronger.
We all have different opinions, we sometimes say things without thinking it through. We have our bad days and we have our good days. We have situations in our life where we are helpless and we might take it out on those we believe are not standing besides us (even if they in reality are and we are just to blind to see it).
But it is what we do after those fights, after those words of anger and hurt have been said, that determines where we go from there. Are we going to make sure our support network becomes stronger after such a low  and hurtful time in our lives, or are we going to stay "proud" and make sure no one ever messes with you again?
And if you choose the second one? what are you gaining? Yeah you might be right, you are gaining your self respect as you stood your ground, and didnt take no crap from no one. But is that worth leaving a gap in a network that has followed you through thick and thin in your past, that have been there when you needed help, or you have cried and laughed with in their time of need?
Sometimes I think we have to be clear what is the most important thing in our world, and sometimes we dont see it so easily.
But hey, the most important thing in the world for you might be completely different than what I consider the most important. But all I ask is that you do not allow your ego to take over and ruin the good thing you have already spent years and years building!
Just a small wondering thought on a Friday night.

-with love-

I feel like snow... my romance in life!

It is amazing how much the weather affects our emotions. When its raining and dark outside, we are more likely to be in a sadder mood, feeling blue and heavy and even close to depression. And when the sun is shining our spirit lifts up and we enjoy life.

But I have noticed that my emotions also "affect" the weather. What do I mean by this?
I mean, when I am sad, no matter how the weather is, it feels dark and cold. The snow falling is uncomfortable and bothering, its freezing outside and so on. But when I'm happy, life becomes so much better. even if it is dark outside.. I try to look up and see the stars. When its snowing I feel it is romantic and rain is peaceful.
So I mean what I say, its not only the weather that affects our emotions. Our emotions are strong enough to affect our interpretation of the weather, and how we tackle each day at a time.

Why did I want to write this?
Well, I dont think we are aware of our own power to make life hard or lively. Being aware how your emotions color the world you live in, is important as you might try to balance emotions, limit the drama around you and stay focused and optimistic as much as you can.
Then the hardness in life is likelier to become less hard, could be romantic even. If we just allow it to be so.

That was just my message this time.
Be aware of your feelings and how they affect your day, your relationship with others and the weather ;)

-with love-

Be strong enough to be your girl!

It is amazing feeling when you are in love, when you found that special someone you want to share your life, your love, your strength and weaknesses, your happiness and sorrow. basically your everything. It doesnt happen easily for most people, because finding someone means you have to show vulnerability and emotions.. two things people are scared to show. And I get it.. I am the same. I make sure I hide my feelings but sometimes that is just so hard.

So when you find someone you are willing (and able) to share your life with it becomes so hard when you cannot help them. some situations you are not strong enough, or have the capabilities to help them and that is one of the worst feelings in the world.

But what can one do in those situations?
because you feel so helpless, your partner is hurting or in tough situations, and there is nothing you can do. Things are not in your reach to help.

How do you make sure you are strong enough to just be there?
just be there for the one you love in their situation?
and what does it mean, to be strong?

I want to be strong.
I want to understand what it means to be strong.
and how to get to that strength.
Because I want to be there for the people in my life, my loved ones.

Because they are there for me when I need them.
and it's extremely important to me.
I want to make sure they feel the same!

- with love -

who are you and what do you want?

Despite the absence of writing my mind has been generating a lot of interesting thoughts. I just havent had the motivation to write them down or share with people. When life gets hard, it is like I close off. I need to bounce back.
And motivation is coming back, with support from loved ones. Life is becoming slowly more optimistic and good things are happening again. After a LONG summer full of challenges where I couldnt see the way out of.
I have said so many times "life is what you make of it" and of course it is true. But the thing is, you are not alone in this life (thankfully). You have to interact with other people on your quest to get the best life possible. And sometimes its the other people who stand in your way, who are the challenge in your life. and it is not so easy to work around other people.
Slowly the situation involving the "troublemakers" changes, sometimes to the better, sometimes to the worse. thankfully in my case it changed to the better. I of course did what I could do to solve the situation, but the other party has actions as well. And sometimes those actions lead you in even more challenges that you were in before.

Life is not so simple as you can do whatever you want and get whatever you want because there is always the interaction to the other person involved. of course, if you dont do what you have to to reach your dreams you will not become any closer to it. However, it would be naive to think that it comes without any obstacles or interactions with others. And maybe the other party wants what you want and will not allow you to get it. Maybe they screw you over, obstruct you in your quest by their actions (sometimes unintentionally). But you always have to account for interactions of others and how you want to counteract.

This is what I have been dealing with this summer. People unintentionally screwing me over, which leaves me in a mess. But I still decided to counteract with open minded, good communication and optimism, (dont get me wrong. I made sure I knew my rights and got what they owed me, just by being diplomatic). But despite that I want to work things out and do what I can to do so, the other party's action (or lack of) will affect the outcome of my work.

So my final point is this.. do what you have to do..but be aware that we are not alone in this. There are other people in the process you have to work with or communicate with that might disturb your work. So always have all details in place, keep facts clear, and think of all outcomes possible. By doing so, you will not be so surprised by the results and more able to counteract in the best way possible for you to reach what you want to reach.
human encounters are inevitable. We just have to be able to build the relationship in the way it is not a hinder to success but a support to it. You have to know how you are dealing with (as much as you can know someone) and by doing so you are more able to estimate reactions and build the right counter strategy if needed.

So let us not be surprised by people who might want our success but let us be prepared and overcome their selfishness and still reach our goals and dreams!

p.s not everyone is out to hurt us.. we have to find those who are friendly and build strong relationships with these people because we might need their support in dealing with those who do hurt us.

-with love-

month of experience hopefully leads to a month of dreams!

The end of another month is here, strange feelings are attatched as phases come to an end and new begin, each with their own issues and troubles as well as joy and smiles. 

This last month has flown by so fast.

Most likely because Ive been keeping myself busy.

I try to stay active, try to learn new things, try to meet new people who might help me on my way and I might be able to learn from as well.

This past month has been full of professional experiences, personal experiences, love experiences and more.

Its taken me highest of high emotionally, down to the lowest of low where I become scared and vulnerable.

But all in all, this past month has been amazing.

I reconfirmed my passion and I am sure that I am heading the right way. Just getting there is taking longer time and has more barriers than I had expected.
But my approach to this is that ”good things do not come easy”.
It is just, when you know what you want to do when you grow up, but face troubles in getting there, it discourages you. It demotivates you. It allows doubt to enter your thoughts.

”I mean, if it is what I am supposed to be doing with my life, would it be so hard to reach it?”

YES!

So I´ll not keep this longer, but leave you with the thought that if it hard to reach your dreams, it is mostly because they are worth the work.

BUT, in some cases the dream is not supposed to be reached. It is not logical, not realistic to reach it, your work is not bringing you closer. Then it is important to re-evaluate the dream and either find a new one or a new way to reach it.

Knowing what you want to do with your life is the biggest part in the process. We now just have to figure out how to reach it, how to overcome the barriers and to realize if it is not meant to be, find a new dream.
It is not so easy, but easier than chasing something that will never happen.
at least you go through moment of pain when dropping the dream and finding another, but your chase will show some efford.

So at the moment, the barriers to my dreams are not too high, I still see ways to overcome them. But if, and I hope it doesnt come to this, but if I realize that I might not reach what I want that way.. I know I have to re-evaluate my dream, and figure out a new way to reach where I want to be. Or even.. figuring out something else I could do when I grow up.

So I wish you all a great new month, full of adventures and dreams. And I wish you success in reaching the place you want to be at in your life.

-with love-

How to work the law of attraction?

Life is interesting.
One day you might be having a rough day, nothing goes your way and you are demotivated. And the next day, things are so much better, you're seeing results, you are positive and passion comes up again.

Law of attraction becomes important to focus on when the streak of good events is taking place in life. Good energy, good thoughts on your behalf bring more good events and good thoughts. That cycle of positive is what life is all about. Negatives are bound to happen in between.. but we cannot allow it to take over our thoughts.

This is what I'm trying to work on.
I know its hard, I experience it every day.
But I wanna enjoy life when things are working out, like it is now in my life.
So by reflecting a little on my thoughts, my attitude, my experience in the week that has passed, I am loving life. I want to make it continue so I'm thinking how can I make sure that actually happens.
Dont get me wrong. Not so pleasant things took place in the week but the positive out weights the negative. and that is what I want to continue focusing on.
But how to do so?

That is what I'm still working on.
I'm still reflecting on my experiences, my thoughts and what I might have done to change the course of my life to the better.
I look at the people around me, how I approach them, how I work with them, how I respect and treat them.
I look at my attitude towards obligatory things in my life, how I partake in them and how I make sure I'm learning something from everything I'm doing,

I'm loving life at the moment.
And I want it to stay.
I want to send out positive energy to receive more positive energy.
And I'm working on it.

-with love-

what is your hard work worth? worth the life you live?

I'm reading a very interesting book, called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer.
When starting to read the book I wasnt so sure I liked the writing style. It is so different from what you are used to.
But the further I get into the book, the more I read the more facinating it becomes.

The story is very interesting, but what keeps me reading is the interesting questions the characters are asking themselves and others in the book.. they are asking questions we all ask ourselves but put in a way that the reader doesnt have to think about them if he's not in that place. but if he is, then each question sticks out for you to reflect on.
or at least that is how I'm interpret the book, that is my process of reading it.

At one place in the book, the main character is wondering If life was worth all the work it took to live. what exactly made it worth it?

throughout all the questions, the sentences that struck something while I was reading, this one made me stop, read it over again and mark it.
And I wonder why?

And my thoughts came back to my life and the way I live it. I does take hard work to live life. to be the person you want to be, to experience everything life offers. Its hard to keep up with work, with love, with friends, with family, with the outside world, the inside feelings.
life is hard.. for all of us, no matter how good you have it. You have to work for who you are and who you want to be.

What makes it worth it?
why do we do this work?

My guess, because we dont know anything else.
We have ideas and goals, places to see, people to meet, successes to achieve.
and it takes work.
but when you have them. when people are in your life and you reach your goals you just feel it. the satisfaction of doing the best you could. no matter how hard it was.
but for some it doesnt last.
A new goal, new people, new places replace the previous and life becomes hard work again..

This is just my guess..
made from my interpretations..
from my experiences..

but i do think many people would agree to some point.
Or at least I hope so :)

- with love and hard work -

Celebration time - come on!

Almost a whole month has past by without me posting something.
the reason is twofold: first I've been busy and have not had the time to process my thoughts into a post.
second, my thoughts have been so scattered around issues and ideas. No red thread like sometimes. So it has been hard to find out what it is I want to share here.
Since I use this platform for venting purposes. :)

so what has been on my mind enought to want to share it here?
the topic on my mind is achievements.
mainly celebration of achievements you have reached.

everone has achievements, big or small, that need to be celebrated.
why this is so close to my heart is because I've been speaking to some people who have done well for themselves but they dont recognize it, they dont celebrate success and achievements. And because of that, both big and small acheivement loses its impact.

we all strive to become someone, do something, and if we do not celebrate what we have, what we have reached how will we keep motivated to reach our main goals?
this is what I want to share.
Celebrate, share and enjoy every success, little or small (because no success is little in itself).

Motivation is important but it doesnt happen by itself. we have to work for it. and this, what I have been talking about, is just one step in keeping motivated for your tasks and goals in life.
so celebrate, reach achievements and keep on being successful.

- with love -

My role as family and a friend! I take it seriously.

Today was a difficult day for a friend of mine. Technically it was yesterday but as I started to write this post I got lost in previous posts on my blogs and found a video I posted few years back.

It felt right, viewing this video as I pay my respects to my friend and her difficulties. The video reminded me just how important family is to me.

My friend lost her younger brother 5 years ago and today would have been his birthday. It is a day when memories are visited, when tears are allowed to fall, where love is celebrated. It is hard, I'm sure. But my friend is strong.
There is not much I can do to brighten her spirit on a day like today.
except be there and make sure she knows I'm thinking of her and her family, who are all dear to me.

the video I just watched has pictures of my family members who I miss greatly. My grandfather who past away 3 years ago became real again, just for the short moment this video played on.
I miss him.
I miss my family, being so far away.

and friends are my family as well.
So if they are hurting, I am hurting.
therefore I want to be there for my family and friends.
Much as I wish I could help her to be strong, I know that grief will not go away. it is part of the healing process, the process of remembering something precious you had but lost. tears are necessary in that process, smiles are crucial.
And you have to go through the emotions.
I feel it now as I remember my grandfather, with tears in my eyes but smile on my face because the memories are amazing.
I hope my friend feels the same.

And my role in all this, just being there when she needs me, smile with her if she wants, cry with her so she doesnt feel alone.
And she will do the same for me!!

that is family!
-with love-

being able to take opportunities - it requires work!

Another month is passing by, life goes on, situations change but you always feel the same - you never change as well.
Or do you?

I havent had the time lately for personal reflections, interesting conversations (exept about my thesis) or experiencing new things. Life just flies by without me, I feel.

but there are moments in life that are worth grabbing, in the speeding reality we live in. we might not see them as they fly by as well... but we have to keep our eyes open, our minds aware and body able to grab them when we see them.

so what does that mean?
what does it mean when someone says "keep your eyes open" for something/someone?
I mean, we have our eyes open most of our waking time.. so it doesnt make sense - or does it?

I guess that not everyone takes it so literal.
But I think its more than just having your eyes open, if you dont want to miss out on something.
I believe you have to mentally prepared as well. without self-awareness and mental strength you will not be able to comprehend what you are "seeing". You will not be able to connect the "view" with your life and what you want out of it.
but it's also not only about mental strength.
I believe as well that it is about physical strength.
Ok.. not maybe about being able to benchpress 100kg, but it's about the balance between body and mind. if you keep your mind sharp as well as your body.. you are more motivated to grab the opportunities that your eyes are open for.
Being able to comprehend the opportunities is one thing.. being able to run after them to catch them is another thing.

Therefore, I believe.. in this fast changing world, where opportuntities come and go, you as a person with goals and ideas need to understand what it takes to get where you want to go without losing to speedy environment and people in a hurry.

life always has something to offer.. be prepared to figure it out.
it requires some ability on your behalf, but nothing you cant work towards.
sharp eye, sharp mind and strong body.. and you're good to go.
Or at least I believe so :)

- with love -

Emotional baggage - where to leave it behind?

It's interesting how emotions work/dont work.
I have absolutely no idea, sometimes, why I feel the way I feel or why I'm not feeling something I think I should be feeling.

Last night, as I was practicing playing the guitar I decided to try to play one song. This is a beautiful song but I realized I hadnt heard it for almost 8 years but I sometimes think about it.
The reason I think about it is because I relate the song with a very sad and hard decision I had to make 8 years ago.
so of course I have gone out of my way to not hear it.

But somehow yesterday I though I would give it a go, especially since I would just be badly playing it and singing it myself.

After the first 5 worlds I just burst into tears.
I felt all these emotions, sadness, lonlienss, regret, wonder and lack of hope, just fill my consciousness.
And I couldnt stop crying.

I have often thought about the decision I took and I dont regret it.
I have come to terms with it, I even made sure I will always remember the choice I made and why it was the right decision.
I have talked to family about it.
I have cried, I have smiled, I have been hurt and I have been satisfied.
so I thought I had worked through my issues.

Yesterday, after only 5 words from one song.. I am not so sure I have worked through them all.
why would I cry if there is not something that is bothering me?
why cant I listen to a song that reminds me of hard times, when I believe I have made peace with my decision?
why are emotions so hard to control or even to understand?

Maybe my issues run deeper than I expected.
or maybe its not the decision I'm still having problems with, but the fear of no future possibilities.
maybe it's the fact that I'm losing hope, more than strengthen it.
maybe the decision I took many years ago, scared me in more areas than I knew.
Whatever it is, there is still some emotions lurking around, making me realize I need to do something more than I have been doing so far.

I just dont know what!
-with love-

The love of sharing makes you stronger!

This month has been a month of reunions, month of smiles and laughter, month of exploring and month of challenges.
it's interesting that some months are just more positive than others, some are more brighter in colour and some just feel gray and sad.
May was a colorful month for me.
and what made it so bright and sparkling?
the people around me.

I am a quiet person but I have my moments when I'm outgoing and thrive well with others.
But that is also depending on the people around me.
May was full of friends coming for a visit but not only that.
it was not only visiting me at this new place but also to reconnect and share life.
I had forgotten how good that feels.

I believe that we, as people, believe we are outgoing, love to have people around us but we dont really share our life, love, sorrows and thoughts with the people close to us.
We allow them in to certain extent, but full on invitation is not given.
this is true to most people.
But usually we have few individuals we allow completely into our space, our thoughts, our presence.
and those people I love to reconnect with.
And not only do I love it..
I need it.
I miss it.
Sharing part of my experience, learning from others and smiling is what gives my life color, gives it meaning, and makes me stronger.

I believe the month of May made me stronger, more passionate and happier.
how can that not be a great package to take into the next month.
- with love -

Personal growth from bad decisions - will I ever learn?

It's so interesting to realize how you are changing as a person, you feel the changes happening and people are noticing and appreciating them as well.
I feel I'm going through this changes these past few weeks and I'm glad that this transformation is happening.
I was happy with who I was as a person but I also understood that there is room for improvements and areas of knowledge I need to dive in to become even closer to the individual I want to be and live the values I have identified for me.

But what I find even more interesting is the reasons you go through these changes, the events, people and places that drive this transformation into action.
Everyone has different reasons, different aspirations and different AHA moments that drives their changes.
But as long as we all know what it is that can have these impacts on us, we are able to tap into them and actually become the reflection of what we believe and live accordingly to that image. Someone we can be even prouder of being.

I have gone through so many transformational period just in the past 4 weeks.
people in my life are challenging me in a good way, I'm redifining what love, passion, happiness and strength means to me and I'm challening my thoughts on how I can become happy.
I am having great discussions with people where I have to argue for my point of view and I'm learning more about myself in that process.

However, unfortunatly there comes bad actions among those good ones that take your development back few steps.
I have also been through this, something that really made me question myself as a person. but I have to live with it, what's done is done and now I have to learn from it as well to make sure it doesnt define who I am. I will still become the person I believe I can be.
So this negative action will most likely drive me even more towards my development.
but I hope I will not have to go through more of these negative ones on my path.. but if that happens, I sure hope I'm strong enough of a person to learn from it and make sure it doesnt define who I am.

I hope that drive will define who I am instead!
-with love-

happiness being left in the past

The other day I was sitting with the sun shining on my face and listening to a song called "you could be happy" by Snow patrol.
What came to my mind at the time is that I might not allow myself to embrace happiness as much as I could. In previous post I was talking about expectations and how they are usually built on sand but not carved in stone and based on sound reasons. And that is why they break down easily.
That for me, is the story of my search for happiness.. I build my hopes and happiness on the sand I have around me, hoping for the stable future.

But one's mind is hard to change when it has decided something. I believe that's also why my reasons are not solid. Because I'm stuck in the past, not allowing my head and heart to move on.
Dont get me wrong.. whenever I think more about this, I belive I allow myself to depart more and more from the past but it's a long and tiresome process.

Maybe this is all about not allowing me to embrace who I am and what I have to offer to new people in my life?
Or scared that the happiness and love once had will never return, and therefore I hold on?
But it wont come back, not the same love and happiness. Potentially, if I allow it, it will be even better.
But I feel I'm not allowing this to happen - at least not as fast as it could be.
I wonder!

thinking few steps ahead!

I have been thinking more and more about my next steps, my future and where I see myself in that context.
Part of that picture is having a family ( hopefully )even though my current situation does not support that dream, being single and all. Even so, this is a big part of my future as I see it.
fair enough that I'm having these dreams, but the thoughts that come after that are the ones that really cought my attention.

a little background is needed before I explain my thoughts, or at least I wanna share.

I believe I grew up to be a good person, I'm well raised ( I think so ), I'm resectful and I have great relationship with my parents, my brother, my grandparents and other family member. of course I've been rebellious but nothing that is not normal for teenagers growing up. I believe this about my brother as well, he's a great person, hard working, caring and honest.
These traits, I stongly believe, are there due to our upbringing - that is, the way my parents raised us.

back to what I've been thinking about when this family picture of the future comes to mind.

I'm very nervous that I will not be able to do as good job as I believe my parents have done. that scares me.
I know that it will come when the time is right but I believe I have big shoes to fill and that scares me as well.
I want a great relationship with my children, I want them to respect others and I want them to love life.
It's not time for me yet to think about this, but I still do.
I wanna be prepared - as I'm scared of this role, this role that I also can not wait to take on with a great partner ( hopefully I'll get there ).

So my question is just simple - what makes people great parents?
Yeah, just wondering like always!

- with love -

Rollercoster of life!

these past few days have been hard, strange but with hint of happiness..
I haven't been able to formulate my thoughts, my feelings as this week is coming to an end. Sometimes when life takes on those bigger rollercoster rides your head keeps spinning as you dont take the time to digest your emotions.. you dont feel the whole experience, you stay numb. or at least I feel sometimes like that.

But it is hard to keep up with rollercoster of emotions, feelings, frustrations, happiness... and therefore I'm afraid I dont take as much out of it as I can.. as I want.
I need to be more active in asking questions, digging deeper and analyse myself.. specially in rollercosters, as those moments might showcase the most who I am, how I react and where my points of improvements are.
Not everyone thinks of these things.
I haven't for a long time but I want to start thinking again..
to be better,
to be happier,
to be healthier.

but how can I do this?
Where and how to start?
I will look into this and hope for the best... as I have never been a huge rollercoster fan ;)
- with love -

Social construction influenced by music!

Today I was sitting in the Metro on my way to the airport to meet a dear friend. She had a very short layover at the Copenhagen airport.
as always, while travelling I had my iPod on and a song came on that made me think a little..
The song is called Call my name with a band called Third Day.
I found the song and I want to share it with you here.. maybe you take some learning out of it as I did today - or more as thoughts rather than learnings.



In my current studies I have learned that words, stories and discourses can carry a lot of meaning with them.. something we can make sense out of and I'm starting to apply this approach to my songs as well. Many songs have meaning, we just need to dig deeper and find what meaning we put into it.
In the song above there were sentences like;
- Its been so long since you felt like you were loved
-What went wrong?
-When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
-and it seems like no one in this whole world cares
-

I construct my own social reality and create a meaning of this... where I connect with these sad words, sad reality. but understand that there might be someone who actually cares.. who wants me to call their names.
So even if the reality around me feels unbearable, I'm sad and alone, my friends are far away and not always there.. I just need to stretch my hand, make a phonecall, send an e-mail, facebook message or even skype them and my reality changes as people bring in their reality to mine and construct a new, more positive, happy place where I want to be.
Load of crap maybe.. but in my reality, this all makes sense!! :)

- with love -

when it rains - it pours! so to speak!

It is in times when you get bad news you start understanding your strength and the power of the relationship you have with your family, or those involved in the bad news.
Today I got bad news, it left me shocked, it left me with tears in my eyes.
I guess life needs to be balanced, good and bad come in package. you cant have one without the other.
It's a matter of how you handle the time when bad news arrive in your life.. I look inside, channel my thoughts to the good time, share my feelings with people I trust and try to continue with my life.
But it is hard.
News that affect you can take energy out of you, leave you stranded..
and how can you get back on track when once stranded?

I'm in a search for answers to these how questions of mine.
I will not be left behind stranded and sinking..
I will get free, with my strength and my power..
But I might need support..
and I'm not afraid to look for it..
- with love -

Still on a path of crazy hope

My mind has been running around like crazy these past few days and it has affected my life in some ways. My thoughts, as mentioned in my previous post, have not been constructive, been out of place and unreal but somehow I can not stop thinking them.
I can not get them out of my mind, no matter how hard I try, no matter I get facts that prove me wrong they stay there and mess with my.
Its so strange that thoughts and even wishful thinking can play this much with you.

Usually I enjoy having creative mind, thoughts all over the place and thing of new and interesting things.
but when they become unconstructive its not so good.

So wishful thinking is keeping me up at night ( so to speak ).
If I should try to find a possitive apsect of all of this, because keeping this possitive is one way that I make sense of all this, would be to look at this wish I have been feeling finally came alive. I realized that I still want it, and I want it badly.
It's clear to me that I have needs in this live that I always thought of but didnt realized how much I need it, or want it.
I feel that's a possitive aspect of my crazy thoughts.
I have realized what I want in life... and now it's about time to work towards it.

Things I want in life will not come easily, I know.
It will take more out of me than I'm used to, take strategies I haven't been successful with but I say.. I'm aware of that but I'm willing to give it a shoot.
I dont think I would ever be satisfied in life if I would never go for it. Fight for what I need and want in life.
Now I realized where my priorities need to lie.
something that I wasn't completely sure, although I knew needed it.

So even if my thoughts are unreal and keeping me insane... at least some good has come out of it.
For that I'm thankful!