Today I talked to God

Today I went to church. I haven't been in a church for a long time. It was peaceful as I set there and listen to the service and looked at a painting of Jesus on the wall. Peace and quiet.
I felt at ease in my soul. Something that I haven't felt in a long time.
it made me think about my late grandfather and that I miss him.
It made me think about my family and how much I love them.
It made me think about friends and how I respect them.
It made me think about issue that I thought I was over but when talking about it, it still brings pain, hurt and disapointment with it.

I haven't been to a church for long as I dont feel like that's needed in order to stay spiritual and religious.
But I have experienced that when I sit in the church, listening and just breathing slowly.. it brings serenity.
I feel,
I think,
I believe.

Today, as I sat in church listening to the service, I spoke to God.
It feels better now, somehow.
Why I'm not sure.
but it does. And that something that can't be argued.
It wasn't a long talk. But I think it was needed.
And I'm hoping that now, after I have said things "outloud" something will happen. Hopefully I will start to let go.
Let it be.
I hope so!

-with love-

Love lifts us up!

Why do we lower ourselves when it comes to love and the person we are in love with?
This question came to my mind as I heard a song by Faith Evans where she says “I’m nothing without you” You are my everything”.
I can not except that someone would think so low of him/herself.

Ok, I will accept that when you are in love with an amazing person that person impacts you, that person can make you a better person – I wouldn’t go so far to say complete as I believe that is also a lowering statement.
The right person can have influence, can support you, and can lighten up your life in so many ways. But is it then right to say you are nothing without that person?
There must have been something there for this amazing person to fall in love with you to begin with?
Why would you imply that you are worth nothing by being alone?

Maybe the reason people make these statements is the fact that when this person, this individual who impacted you in so many ways, leaves your life you become “normal” again? And now you are used to be this lifted, inspired person who someone loved, so this feeling of being left without that is not wanted.
Going back to your old self then doesn’t feel right. And I agree, you shouldn’t go back to your old self. You take this learning, this experience of being this person and you develop your new self. But you are always something. You can even become more if you want to.

Saying you are nothing is of course being extremely romantic and I do realize that songs are playing with emotions and that’s why this sentence is there. But it just struck me now as I heard it tonight.

Love is a great thing. Being in love is even better. I wish that feeling to everyone. But what I wish more than that is that people love themselves and understand that they are someone. And that being in love only takes them to another level of their awesomeness. I always try to keep that in mind. It’s hard, but it’s so much worth it in the end.

-with love-

December starts with a soft bang!

It's December.
The weather has gotten very cold.
But the Christmas lights around the city brings it to life.
I heard that Copenhagen is one of the best cities to be in during this time of the year.
So far, it's been true :)

There is always something going on in my life, some actions, events and people coming and going. These passed few months it hasn't been so active. Like I said before, I had a steady routine and it didn't feel right.
Now as December starts I feel all active again, but still holding on to the routine in most parts. It feels good!
I guess it is just a phase I have to go through, to learn to appreciate my life.

Although December has just started it has brought with it dissapointment and sadness. But everything is balanced. So it has also brought joy, laughter, smiles and experiences.
I'm just learning to accept that good comes with bad, bad balances good and if I'm lucky.. the good outweights the bad.
as only 5 days have passed I know the good outweights the bad.
December is my month of joy, being happy and look forward to Christmas.
I just have to keep reminding myself that each dissapointment, each no, each sadness brings me one step closer to happiness if I just let it!
I have to have that in mind.
I need to :)
And I will!

- with love -

November holds my hand into Special times

Last day of the month again and this day feels better than many other end of the month days.
November was mild, both in weather and also in feelings. I look back with smile and look forward to December.
Motivation has been low, my current path has been questioned and reflected upon, my self esteem has been shattered, my feelings have been mixed but still... It's been balanced I believe.
Good things have happened, friends visited, Copenhagen explored and feelings rekindled.
November has seen drama, frustrations, smiles and laughters.. But that should all months include.
Or at least that's my opinion!

So as December starts, one of my favorite month, November leads me into the new month with smile. What more can I ask for?

Christmas season is arriving and I cant be happier with that. I do believe Christmas brings the best out in my family, and I love sharing these special times with them.
But what is also exciting this year is the fact that I will experience Danish Christmas as well. That for me is priceless as well.
As much as I love my own traditions I do love learning new things as well, see how others celebrate these special times and how they enjoy life.
I love it.

Why is Christmas time so special for me?
I somehow feel people become more possitive, smile more and share their life, love and experiences. I believe and feel people want to be with me, they want to make me smile and they want me to make them smile.
It's time of family and family is one of my values. A value I want to nurish and attend to. It makes me smile.
That's what Christmas means to me!
I love being home.
I can not wait to go home and feel this again.
I miss it!

- with love -

The power of Poetry!

When I was younger I expressed myself, my feelings and my creativity through poetry.
I was good at it, I loved it and I made people smile with them.
What a great feeling.
But then it somehow got lost to me.
Time passed with no writing, no words on paper and no expressions.
And the wierdest thing was, I didn't miss it!

The other day I reconnected with my old writings. I read them over and it kindled a known feeling within me. I remembered the feeling of creating something nice, beautiful and funny. I remembered the feeling I had when I wrote my sad poems, what events had just happened in my life and how they have changed me. Helped me to become who I am today.
Poetry was my expression, my way of letting my thoughts run free.

But as i grew older it faded.. why I'm not sure.
As I read my poetry I realized I miss this expression, this creation.
In a way, this blog is trying to fill in a hole.

I had forgotten, but when I was living in Paris last year I wrote few poems.
When I was feeling sad, all alone and not being able to share... I sat down with my notebook and expressed myself on paper.
And it felt good.

My poetry is very personal, ment for myself.

A friend asked me this week - why dont you publish them. Let others enjoy them?
And the feeling I got was... scared.
I would be letting people in, learning private things about the way I feel and think. I am not ready for that kind of openness..Not at this stage of my life.
My poems are for myself, to keep my thoughts clear, to help me conceptualize my feelings.
I believe everyone should do the same - but find their own form/way to express them.

I hope, that now I will continue expressing myself. Both with my thoughts here and my feelings in a poetry form.
It might help me focused.

-with love-

Have you ever thought "just maybe"?

Feelings - what an interesting and sometimes amazing experience they can bring. They can also be sad, pain and cold.
We want to feel, mostly good, but I sometimes think people are searching for the feeling of pain.
Why do I think that?
People continue to hold on to objects or other human beings, fighting the loss as hard as they can. Most of the time, those people/objects we crave to hold on are those we need to let go.
But we cant and therefore we keep a feeling of pain, hurt and sadness within ourselves.

what is it that keeps us holding on?
Why do we fight to hold on to something that either has no feelings for us or that needs to leave our lives for some reasons?
Why is it hard to let go?

I guess, and this is only my opinion, that we want to believe that this person/Object is good for us in some ways.
That potentially there is more to come then the current relationship we have.
That maybe that person feels the same about you.

But usually, when we have hard time letting go - the other person doesn't even notice. Life goes on as normal.
And yet we sit and hope and pray and wonder.
it can be so painful.

So that's why I say people hold on to pain, the search it out and wont let go.
It takes time, hard work and support to give up something you truely believe is a good thing for you.
Giving it up is going to be hard. But only in the short term.
then pain goes away and we leave ourselves open for joy, love and laughter with new pepole, new objects - new experiences.

-with love-

What a difference a day makes

It's interesting to realize how much the environment around you, events you go through and the news you receive can effect you.
It's also interesting to experience how your feelings can change one day to the next.

The way you react shows a little the character of your person, how strong you are and how self centered you are.
Being able to slowly but steadily take each challenge on, behave in a mature way and not giving up, feeling sad and blue is hard but not impossible.
When you are a stronger person it becomes even a preferred reaction to a challenge.
You know yourself enough to not fall into this bad habits.

I'm always saying I know myself well but then something happens and I'm challenged in my way of thinking and the way I look at myself.
I am preasured to rethink who I am, why I react the way I do and where I need to improve.
Because there are areas of improvement - I just am a little blind towards them myself in a daily routine.

But what I'm glad about, what makes me satisfied with me - is the fact that when I am challenged, when I know I'm reacting not according to what I believe in, I recogize it.. And that gives me potential in becoming better.
I am glad that I have that.
Not everyone does I believe.

So today has been a reflection day for my behavior, my selfishness and my lack of strength.
I'm a little closer to improvement.
But it's an ongoing process - and that I believe not everyone understands either.
You need to constantly rethink, reshape and reform who you are to become better ( or at least that is my believe at this very moment).
Reflection is my current action. I take it seriously.

-with love-