a shine of light makes me smile!

It has been around half a year since I wrote last. I dont want to force myself to write, especially since it means I dont have things to share with the outside world. But the other day, walking in the evening cold something moved me and I wanted to share again. So I have been reading over some of my older posts here and what strikes me as odd it that I mostly have the need to share when something negative is happening, when I am not feeling happy and things are out of place. And of course that is good, because learning from these moments are incredibly important. But the need to share this time does not come from feeling sad or bad. I am actually more happy than I have been in a long time. And maybe this is development for me too. Now I see the need to share the positive as well as the negative learning.
We'll find out!

So, the other day I was walking. It wasnt that late in the evening but the days here are so short that it was already dark outside. As I am almost arriving at the destination I walk by a church. Now, I am not very religious person but I enjoy discussing and learning about different religions and their philosophies. I would consider me more as a spiritual person, I believe in something out there, angels and good forces and the positive feeling it gives.
But walking towards the church the cross on top of its tower is lit up and from it beams of glow reached into the sky. It was a calming and beautiful sight.
It kind of felt like something was trying it hardest to light up the night sky for me.

I wanted to share this moment because for me it means appreciating the small things in life, things you just accidentally come across during your daily routines. These small things can have great meaning if we just give them a try.
For me, this light represented optimism. It made me smile and realize that just a small effort (like the light) can have a big impact (reaching with the glow far away). and my small effort can also reach far.

- When I am upset or feeling ignored.. do not just sulk and make even more strain on a relationship. smile and the feeling will change as the other person will not ignore you any longer.
- be forgiving. Holding grudges only affects your feeling, not the person you are angry at.
- say thank you.
- give hugs (I have also read that certain amount of hugs, not sure how many, are good for your health).

I hope this feeling of positive impact and joy will stay with me for a long time, especially now that Christmas is coming and family time is at hand.

I wish you all a great weekend full of appreciation.
- with love - 

By the power of forgiveness!!

I am learning more and more to forgive people and it feels so great to be such a strong individual, being able to discuss and forgive issues that hurt for a little while but were not done to you out of anger or to hurt you. Most of the time, these hurtful activities or words, are said or done because that is how the other individual communicates, or believes that will give him/her the best results. And it hurts me because I do not agree with this.
But just the fact that I am able to be aware of these differences, be aware that this person did not intend to hurt me, only to convey their feelings. This awareness helps in strengthening a relationship that is built on two different backgrounds, two different cultures, two different ways of thinking and communicating.
And who am I to say that my way is the right way, just because the other way is offensive or hurtful?

Being able to discuss these things, realize where the hurt comes from and how to minimize it, is in my opinion, a key skill in sustaining a relationship.
Everyone keeps saying "being in a relationship is hard". and Yes it is. I just didnt realize how hard it is, and how hard both parties have to work. And I have to be open to the fact that even though I believe I am doing all the work in the relationship, the other person is most likely sitting at home, thinking the exact same thing.

So I am realizing more and more, that forgiveness is a key variable in the communication matrix that should be included in a relationship.
Unfortunately, for most people, this is left out. Because most of us find it hard to be a "bigger" individual and forgive when someone has hurt us. Why should we? the other person was the one doing all the hurting.
But isnt it just as likely that the other partner in this relationship is thinking the same thing when he feels like you have done something to hurt him/her? and I am sure you didnt do it on purpose, so wouldnt you want the benefit of the doubt and explain what you meant and why you did what you did? Most likely yes.
if not, I believe we are not as into the other person and willing to work on the relationship.
Because relationships are hard, and even harder than we could have imagined.

Some things should not be forgiven, and that is when the other person is willingly hurting your, is violent towards you or abusive. These things, I feel, should not be forgiven so dont feel bad that you want to leave a relationship because of these things. You have to make sure you take care of yourself first.
But if the other person is just communicating in a different manner, is behaving in a way that is unfamiliar to you, give that person the benefit of the doubt.

so do some experimenting. When you feel hurt, forgive. and I hope you will feel better about yourself, the other person and the relationship you are having.

-with love-

When expectations are unclear.. things break down!

Few weeks ago I had written a post here which I was extremely happy with. It had a clear message I am starting to realize and I wanted to share it with those, if any, read my thoughts at this blog.
But by being a little technically challenged, the post didnt save and was therefore deleted.. to my disappointment and frustration, and I left it like that.

However, this topic is coming more up in conversations with other and I'm finding it more and more relevant issue to keep in mind. And therefore I'm going to give it ago again.. hoping this time it will be successful and be as good as I want it to be.

The topic I want to give my thoughts about, it the topic of expectations towards others, be it within a romantic relationship, with family members, friends or co-workers, just to name few relationships this affects.
It has become more clear to me that I have certain expectations towards those I keep in my life, and when those expectations aren't met, I become frustrated or even angry. I have been let down.
The other day I was thinking this from another point of view.. "how can this person behave like this, when she hasn't made her expectations toward our relationship clear? what gives her the right?" and I become frustrated by this persons behavior.
One of the things I try to do is to reflect on issues that make me, e.g. frustrated. So I set down and started thinking about my behavior and why she might have felt the need to behave so irrationally. And I realized that  she has set some unspoken expectations towards our relationship, just like I had done towards her. But neither one has mentioned what we expect from each other, how we interact with each other and how to go forward in this relationship. And that made me think even further. I do this in most all relationships. I enter a relationship without clearing it with the other person what I am expecting, what I am "investing" into this relationship.
But when expectations are unspoken they are impossible to be met. So frustration is highly likely to take place at one point or another in the relationship. But we do not understand why this frustration takes place.. because we do not realize that the other person is not able to fulfill expectation s/he are unaware of.

And it lead me to think about another thing.. in a relationship people come with more than expectations. We come with different backgrounds, different levels of intimacy and behavior. But I, automatically when starting a relationship, expect the level of every aspect involved to be at my standards, to be based on my expectations. And that is just not fair when two people come and create a relationship. I had never thought about this before, and for me it was so normal that things would be done after my preferences. Thats just how it goes.. but that is not it!
The other person has just as much right as you to have things based on their preferences. But we never think about these things (now I'm generalizing A LOT)  when we start a new relationship of any kind.

These reflections were an eyeopener, and to be honest, they made me adjust my thinking in some of my relationships (yes, I'm still working on this) and I swear.. those relationships have improved and I can notice both parties being so much more happier and at ease, because now both are giving and receiving.

I just wanted to share this.. as I believe way too many of us do not think about these things and when we get frustrated we believe the other person has let us down (when they dont know how not to do so, because we havent told them) and it can ruin the best of relationship in the long run. In stead, we are able to realize that everyone has expectations, discuss them and find a common ground. Then, I believe, many more friendships, business relationship and romantic relationships will last longer and become stronger (wow this rhymes).
That is what I wish for us all :) because our lives are built up from different relationships. We cannot be without them.

All the best and with love

Birds of feather flock together? is that healthy?

I've started to think a lot about differences in opinion, when too much difference starts affecting relationships (or does it at all) and are opinions build on valuable foundations or not so much (if I can say so).

I know a person who has political opinions and views that are so far from my own, but I enjoy listening to his  point of view, discussing issues with him and challenging his views based on my own opinions. But I have been thinking a lot lately about the future and how our opinions and political views can impact our relationship, will it be a challenge? Because the people we associate the most with are the people with similar worldviews as you do, right? Will they be as open minded as I am to discuss and argue and listen and acknowledge?
I want to believe so. But i think it is an interesting thought.
I do not know a lot of couples who have total opposite political views.
I do not know a lot of best friends who do not agree on issues.
of course, no one has exactly the same ideas and views (if so, that it is not their own in my opinion). But I still think people flock to like-minded people.
Or am I wrong?
I dont know any politicians who married someone from the opposition, not here in the western world, or in other country (fair enough I havent done an extensive research).
But if we only associate with those who are similar to ourselves, with similar views and believes, will we ever learn, will we ever challenge our thoughts only to make them stronger or find new paths to believe in?
And isnt that a challenge for our world?
Does that not just lead to impatience and intolerance ?

I dont know.. but that is my opinion.
I would like to hear yours!

- with love -

How to work the law of attraction?

Life is interesting.
One day you might be having a rough day, nothing goes your way and you are demotivated. And the next day, things are so much better, you're seeing results, you are positive and passion comes up again.

Law of attraction becomes important to focus on when the streak of good events is taking place in life. Good energy, good thoughts on your behalf bring more good events and good thoughts. That cycle of positive is what life is all about. Negatives are bound to happen in between.. but we cannot allow it to take over our thoughts.

This is what I'm trying to work on.
I know its hard, I experience it every day.
But I wanna enjoy life when things are working out, like it is now in my life.
So by reflecting a little on my thoughts, my attitude, my experience in the week that has passed, I am loving life. I want to make it continue so I'm thinking how can I make sure that actually happens.
Dont get me wrong. Not so pleasant things took place in the week but the positive out weights the negative. and that is what I want to continue focusing on.
But how to do so?

That is what I'm still working on.
I'm still reflecting on my experiences, my thoughts and what I might have done to change the course of my life to the better.
I look at the people around me, how I approach them, how I work with them, how I respect and treat them.
I look at my attitude towards obligatory things in my life, how I partake in them and how I make sure I'm learning something from everything I'm doing,

I'm loving life at the moment.
And I want it to stay.
I want to send out positive energy to receive more positive energy.
And I'm working on it.

-with love-

Luck of the dragon - is this your year?

Its the end of the month, the first month of this new year - the year of the dragon!
the year of the dragon is supposed to be a lucky year, according to what I hear. Why that is, I'm not sure. But I like it.
So far, this year has been awesome. is it because of the dragon spirit, I'm not sure either. But it is good none the less.

I believe luck is what you make of it. and with the attitude that this year will be great, it will be your lucky year.. then the chances of that coming true increase enormously.
I want to believe that at least.

So why do I want to believe this?
Well, I believe that if we believe something, we think about it regularly the more likely we are to act accordingly and take decisions that lead us to that direction. Maybe even without knowing that we are doing so.
By believing we are taking a bit more control over our lives, and what happens in them.
By believing, in whatever it is - luck of a dragon year or whatever - the mind starts to visualize where it wants to go, what it is that he believes in and how to get there.

For the people who feel like their lives are not going where they want it to be, I question if they actually know where they want it to be, do they believe that they can get there and do they believe that they are worth getting there?
Because if not, in my opinion, the mind has not visualize it enough to take decisions guided by that vision.

Life is hard.
We all know that from time to time.
But if we believe in something, we really want it, then life can get just a little bit better as we work our way towards it.
Or at least that is my opinion.

Just wanted to share this, just a small thought that needs even more reflection and discussion :)

- with love -