happiness being left in the past

The other day I was sitting with the sun shining on my face and listening to a song called "you could be happy" by Snow patrol.
What came to my mind at the time is that I might not allow myself to embrace happiness as much as I could. In previous post I was talking about expectations and how they are usually built on sand but not carved in stone and based on sound reasons. And that is why they break down easily.
That for me, is the story of my search for happiness.. I build my hopes and happiness on the sand I have around me, hoping for the stable future.

But one's mind is hard to change when it has decided something. I believe that's also why my reasons are not solid. Because I'm stuck in the past, not allowing my head and heart to move on.
Dont get me wrong.. whenever I think more about this, I belive I allow myself to depart more and more from the past but it's a long and tiresome process.

Maybe this is all about not allowing me to embrace who I am and what I have to offer to new people in my life?
Or scared that the happiness and love once had will never return, and therefore I hold on?
But it wont come back, not the same love and happiness. Potentially, if I allow it, it will be even better.
But I feel I'm not allowing this to happen - at least not as fast as it could be.
I wonder!

When does wrong become right?

I think it's quite interesting this process of having expectations to people/events.
I just experienced a dissapointment recently because I had built up unrealistic expectations to a person. Actually, that person hadnt given me any reason to do so, but the events coming up led me to believe more was to be expected.
And of course that was not the case.

But what strikes me as interesting is this.. even though I was expecting something more, deep down I knew nothing would happen. But I somehow overlooked it. It kept popping up in my mind "it's not gonna happen" but I still went on keeping high hopes, for something that was not there.
Why did this happen?
Why did I build up an idea, hope, an expectation when deep down I knew it would never be?

Is it the fact that I'm searching for dissapointment?
or do I want to believe I'm wrong?
Or do I dare to hope without reason? but is that "healthy" then?
if there is no logic, reason, chance... why build up something that will be taken down, potentially a harsh experience?

It's not that I'm dreaming big,
it's not that I'm setting realistic expectations,
it's not that I'm reading situations right...
it's more that I'm being silly, trying to believe or trying to hold on to what could be/what was.
and that's not so good.
or is it?
I found this very interesting as I feel the dissapointment today.. still sad that my expectations were not met.. and that I should maybe have listened to "myself".
well, you live some you learn some!
or what?

-with love-

Happy Valentines Day - Every Day!

It's becoming a tradition for me to express myself on this day - Valentines Day.
This year though, my need is not as strong. I'm not sure why.
Maybe I'm more at ease, people around me not focusing to much on this day and/or I feel love in one way or another almost every day. Who knows?

My messages last year and the year before have been around the fact that people should not have to buy into this commercialization of Love, that one day is not enough to show love and that celebration of love does not have to mean being in love.
I still completely agree still today. It's very intersting to have this kind of blog and look back on previous years and my believes at different times.
Sometimes your believes adjust to new learning and knowledge but some always stay the same no matter what others believe to be true.
This topic is one of those - one that I still stand firmly behind.
Valentines Day is fine to have a special occation to be kinder to people than the next day - but all days should be platforms for celebration.
If not then why bother being in love - if you can only show it once a year based on calander?

I really hope people take notice that Valentines Day - Day of Love - can also be about saying I love you to friends and family.
I really hope people only use this day to be extra special in their demonstration of love - still focusing on love all other days.
I really hope people are true to theirselves when they celebrate - not following the mainstream. The same thing might not be the right way to showcase love for all people.

But as the day of love fades from our calender I'm glad I take this day to reflect on my relationships, my priorities and my definition of love.
I believe that's the ultimate goal with this day!
And that I can buy into.

- with love -

inspiration is important - motivation is the key.

It's strange to realize that things that inspire you are so diverse and unpredictable. And as long as you are open to instant messages, reflection questions and motivational boost it can come from people you never expected to have those influence on you and from events/artifacts that you never really knew could be inspiring to a person like you (whatever that means).

the other day I went to a national gallery in Copenhagen and without expecting it I felt empowered and inspired by pictures, paintings, personal quotes and dialouge with people.
I never take it for granted to be motivated.
it's hard, it required work.
and sometimes I forget and let it slip away.
When that happens it can be so hard to get a grip and start again, get inspired to do what you love to do, be with people you love and follow the path your heart has put you on.

Therefore it's so important to be open and take in motivation and inspiration whereever it's offered, when you need it the most as well as when you believe you have no use for it. ( I believe that usually when we believe we dont need it, is the time when we need it the most ).

I hope I never lose this ability, to take in power from others. To look at others achievements and say "I wanna be great as well" and stay creative.
Sometimes I'm afraid that the working environment we have in Europe especially, it kills motivation, dreams, hopes and learning.
Something that scares me.
Something I want to avoid.
Something I want to change.

I want to be inspired by others, and I want to inspire others.
I hope I can be!

- with love -

All I got for Christmas was what I wanted!

The Christmas holiday season is one of my most favorite times of the year. Time to be with family and understand how truly blessed you are as a person. It's time to rekindle friendships that are becoming rusty by spending time with people who mean a lot to you, laugh and smile, talk and listen, love and be loved!
Who does not love the feeling that comes with this?

Since I came home, hugged my family and saw how big my little nephew has gotten I've been quite emotional. smallest happy thoughts, sad moments, lovely gestures by friends make me cry. I'm emotional but more importantly, I'm happy.
I count my blessings for having amazing people around me.

What I also like around this holiday is the peace and calm I feel around my people, despite the fact that the whole country is going crazy due to stress.
My famlily's priority is to enjoy each other company rather then doing everything, cleaning everything and see everything.
I love that, that's Christmas for me.
Being relaxed, love my company, love the food and just soak in the energy that comes with being happy.

As the new year soon will knock on the door I want to wish those how read this, happy holidays. may you also enjoy it as much as I do and spend it the way that brings you the most joy!

- with love and holiday spirit -

back to the past that I cant let go of.

I was watching a tv show called The Forgotten and in the end there was a talk that really struck me and made me think. "I wanted to go back. But you cant go back, people change.[...]Places can be magic, and certain times in your life can be magic too. But when they go, you have to let them go. I know that know. you still take them with you."

I have talked about this before.. letting people/things go when you should, even though it's hard for you. These sentences here above are true. those time might have been magical but magic doesnt last forever. nothing really does. So in order to keep the image of magic and smiles alive - you have to let it go before it becomes worse. Then you only will remember those bad times, where magic doesnt exist.

But how do you "allow" people to leave your heart, your mind, your thoughts?
How can you do this without falling apart?

I believe there are magical moments I try to relive, keep close to me, even though the time has past and the people dont share the same feelings as back then. But I find it so hard to let go of this magical feeling, the smiles, the happiness it brought me.
But I know i have to.
And sometimes I think I have already let go... but then I realize I'm not even close.
What makes me hold on when I should let go?

So many questions with no possible answers just floating around.
I hope to think more about this and even come to some conclusion... If I do, I will share it here!

-with love-

thinking few steps ahead!

I have been thinking more and more about my next steps, my future and where I see myself in that context.
Part of that picture is having a family ( hopefully )even though my current situation does not support that dream, being single and all. Even so, this is a big part of my future as I see it.
fair enough that I'm having these dreams, but the thoughts that come after that are the ones that really cought my attention.

a little background is needed before I explain my thoughts, or at least I wanna share.

I believe I grew up to be a good person, I'm well raised ( I think so ), I'm resectful and I have great relationship with my parents, my brother, my grandparents and other family member. of course I've been rebellious but nothing that is not normal for teenagers growing up. I believe this about my brother as well, he's a great person, hard working, caring and honest.
These traits, I stongly believe, are there due to our upbringing - that is, the way my parents raised us.

back to what I've been thinking about when this family picture of the future comes to mind.

I'm very nervous that I will not be able to do as good job as I believe my parents have done. that scares me.
I know that it will come when the time is right but I believe I have big shoes to fill and that scares me as well.
I want a great relationship with my children, I want them to respect others and I want them to love life.
It's not time for me yet to think about this, but I still do.
I wanna be prepared - as I'm scared of this role, this role that I also can not wait to take on with a great partner ( hopefully I'll get there ).

So my question is just simple - what makes people great parents?
Yeah, just wondering like always!

- with love -