My new years wishes and thoughts for 2012!

Today, this last day of the year 2011, a lot of things are passing through my thoughts, some have been longer than others and I feel they maybe worth discussing here.

One of the thoughts I've been having is the topic of priorities and friends.
We all love having friends, they mean a lot to us and we try to be there for them in their times of joy and sorrow. But we also expect them to try the same.
For me, that is the "role" of being a friend.

So what happens when friends "break" that role? the idea that you have of the friendship?
Personally, it takes a lot for me to exclude people that mean a lot to me. But when I feel strongly about the prioritation, the "breaking" of friendship, the lack of being there in times of joy (dont get me wrong, I understand if people have important things, hard things to attend to, other plans or are feeling under the weather) it hurts me. It takes a lot to make me feel hurt.
So my reaction is to disconnect.

Maybe, when you read this you think "what the h***" and fair enough. I think about this often because it hurts when I disconnect from people. I dont take it lightly.
But when you feel the friendship is broken, what is the right way to handle it? how to behave?
Are these even right questions to be asking?

I think, for me, I try to not take my friendship for granted. just like any relationship they require work. And for most of the time I'm happy to do that work. But when you feel the other part is not doing the same "amount" of work you start to wonder. And it is this wondering that makes me disconnecting.

But this sad thought is not the only thought that I'm taking with my into the new year.
I try my best to stay positive, to think about the good things in life because there are many around me and I try to learn more, both about friends, family and myself.
that makes me happy.

The other day I was sitting in a bus, looking out the window with good music in my ear and I start smiling. The moment made me feel good. I was sitting and watching the snow that had fallen during the day, how it made the surrounding even more beautiful than before and I started feeling happy being home with my family.
When I exited the bus and started walking towards the meeting point where I was meeting two good friends the weather was cold but still, the snow made the evening bright and I felt relaxed, I felt at peace and I felt hopeful.

Where I'm going with this thought is that I dont expect others to create my happiness, to make me feel blessed. I can only do that myself.
And in order to do so I have to appreciate every good thing around me. And notice that life is full of beautiful moments, people and events. I just have to be open for them.
And this thought, this feeling from the bus ride and the walk made me realize this.
I started smiling more, and when I do so I feel even better.
And I make others around me feel better.
And then life is good.
isnt it?

Well, these were two very different but important thoughts for me I wanted to share with you, if anyone is reading, and hope to take the awareness with me into the new year.
By doing so I'm hoping for even better 2012 where joy and satisfaction take over fear and sadness.
I wish you a great new year, believe in yourself and be aware that you make your own success and happiness.
Happy new year 2012!

When the person fits dont let him/her slip away.

It is not that often that I meet a person that I really connect with, I find funny and smart and when I leave I wanna meet that person soon again.
No it is not that often that people leave such a strong impression on me.

So when that happens, how hard should I fight to make sure these people stay in my life?
I work hard to make sure my friends, the ones that I do know mean a lot to me, stay in my life.
but when it is a new person, someone you might not really know but you wanna get to know, someone you have no connection to exept for the connection made when you met, someone who made you feel something, when does that person deserve some fight to stay in my life as well?

Earlier this year I wrote a post about having nothing to lose. And in this sense I do not have anything to lose. Building up a new connection can be hard, can be scary and can make you shy. But you're only trying to connect to another person.
If you dont step on anyones toes to bridge the gap, then you do not have anything to lose, but everything to gain.

then why am I so shy about it?
Why am I so timid and scared of showing others that I like someone?
do others really care?
I mean, do they care that you are reaching out to someone.. do people not just admire others that know what they want and try to reach out to someone they like?
Oh I dont know.. but something about this process is making my extremely shy, but I do not want to give up.
It is making my questioning myself, but I do not want to give up.

When a person is really special.. the process of finding him/her might be the best learning experience you can go throught.
I'm at least going to try to think about it that way.
and keep on reaching out, finding special people, people that make me feel special as well.

- with love -