Life is full of questions - I dare to ask them and hope for answers.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

wisdom within a new month

As April comes to and end I realize that my mind is at ease. My longing for writing are less as I dont feel just as locked in uncomfortable environment as I was.
I'm expressing myself more and often with my friends and family.

I heard a quote in one of these teenage Drama TV-shows I'm watching since I came home and I wanted to share with 'everyone' who reads this site.
"Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late"
- Benjamin Franklin

I find this quote very true and that makes me sad.
When we grow up we became 'old', the spark we had, fire, the passion goes away easier. Which it shouldn't.
As we grow 'older' we gain more experience and knowledge we should use to keep us 'young', willing to continue, keep being passionate.

The part of the quote feeling about becoming wise too late, I also think is true.
As we grow older and experience life, we are not really thinking about the learning we can take from it.
Not until it's too late.
We think we know it all - even though we really know deep inside we dont!
That's my opinion in this.

Yes, this is an interesting quote that made we think as a new month is just around the corner.
- How can I learn from April to make sure I'm wiser for it?
- what can I do in May to keep my 'youth'?

I'll see
It's time for reflection now :)

-with love-

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I value my family!

I am back home in Iceland, been back for almost a week now.
It's amazing how the environment can effect you, the people around and the atmosphere.
Although I have no schedule, no work to do, I still enjoy my days. They fly by fast.
I dont think I realized how badly I was feeling.

I wrote in my previous post here that I have been living my values this time I spent in Paris.
I made my values clear to myself and I should not compromise.
But I did.

So, being back home, I promised myself 'I will not compromise. I will live my values'
One of my values is my family.

On Sunday I heard an awful news. Grandparents of one of my family members were violated and robbed. It was horrible to hear about the burglary and the violence the people had to suffer but what struck me hardest was the fact that the person setting the whole burglary up is related to my family member. the person was another grandchild of the grandparents.
It's even harder when you realize it was your family, your blood, that cheated on you, hurt you, let you down.

This made me think of how fortunate I am for knowing my values and understand what it is I have to do in order to live my values and cherish my family and support them as I can.

I knew when I came home that situation in my beloved country was bad. There is no sign of a job for me, my family is struggling and I want to help. But I cant.
I feel so helpless, a feeling I'm not used to and I dont like.
My brain is working overtime to find ways to turn this struggle to opportunities, find ways to support my family.
- But how can you 'turn your frown upside down' when everything looks so dark, things are heavy and opportunities few?
- What can I do?
- Where do the opportunities lie?

My family means the world to me.
I will figure something out!
I will! :)

-with love-

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

It's still me - a new and better one!

today, the last day in Paris, I feel no sadness or regret.
I actually can not wait for this chapter of my life to end and for the new one to take over.

It's quite interesting, this feeling of having nothing to say about leaving.
I feel like I have said everything before. Shared my feelings.

A song by Jason Mraz has a sentence in it - "go make your next choice be your best choice" - and I'm sure that I have made the best choice for me in the situation I was in.
I feel relieved.

what awaits me when I get home, I have no idea of.
But what I do know is that it will be better then here.
I'm searching for opportunities to take, doors to open and windows to crawl in.
The path of opportunities is narrow and short though in Iceland.

Where my choices take me I can never know until I'm there.
But I'm more then ready for a new adventure, new challenge that is the right one for me, a life with passion and smiles.

I was talking to a dear friend this week and he asked me what I felt about the time spend in the current role.
My answer was then, with no doubt - Waist of time.
But as I think more on his question and my answer I challenge my answer.
It hasn't been a waist of time at all.
but it has been hard though.
but not waist of time.

If I would think about this as waist of time, then everything I have done, people I have met, places I have been to - that wouldn't be worth mentioning.
And I do appreciate new friends I have met, old friends I saw again, places I visited for the first time, places I visited over and over again.
I love it!

I do think I have become a stronger person in this chapter of my life.
I feel it, my family feels it as well.
I am more clear on what I want in life, I have lived my values and strengthen my relationship with family and friends.

It's the same old me-but with more value and experience.
How can that be a waist of time?

I look forward to the new chapter, and to become a 'new' me!

-with love-

Monday, April 20, 2009

Reality of Romance

Yesterdays skies was extremely beautiful, dark blue and clear but no stars though. This view, with the lights from buildings, cinema's and cafe's made my walk home very pleasant.

Its in these times, moments, when I feel how romantic the city can be. It felt like a movie scene.
I will miss Paris when I leave in just few days. Paris is becoming part of me - Or I becoming a part of Paris :)

Although I wait eagerly to fly home there is a tiny thought saying 'I wish things would have been different'. Not only because then I would have enjoyed my job but also because I would have spent longer time here, in the city of love and romance.

Paris, the city of Romance?
Yes for sure although I haven't been here with a loved one to try it out. So I will have to take people's word for it.
And sometimes men here do not behave very romantically with women.

- So what is it with this city that makes it so romantic?
- And is this romance only to be experienced if you are in love?

No, I dont think so. I'm not in love but yesterday night I felt the romance of the city.
I asked a question on facebook few weeks ago that goes something like this.
"is it possible to love a reality that we dont know?"
A friend of mine said "Yes, it's called romanticism". Thanks Gorjan because now I do believe that is true.
I think the answer to my question about Paris lies in this answer/question as well.

Paris is romantic because you never know what to expect, you love whatever comes your way because Paris, not matter what, will never let you down. With it's beautiful buildings, amazing parks, views like you have never seen before, people being open and warm.. How can it not be romantic?

Paris is a reality I know, I live here. I see it every day.
One might wonder that the romance would fade away , as it tends to do.
- how do I make sure to keep the romance alive?
My answer to that question is this;
Embrace what Paris has to offer, big and small. Smile and look around. Be open for the romance and see the beauty that is all around, the atmosphere is screaming 'romance'. you just have to listen.

Yes, I'm sure I'll miss Paris.
Even though I have had to experience the romance by myself I still feel it has been worth it.
Now, at least, I can not claim to be not romantic ;)

Who knows.. maybe I'll be back one day with my husband and share these romantic feelings the city has shown me, with the one I love :)
You never know!!

-with love-

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Finding the words to say Goodbye

My mind is no longer here in Paris as days pass and I have just few more days until I leave this chapter of my life and head back home to Iceland.

Last night I had to write a letter.
it was hard, it was strange, it was needed.
Saying my final goodbyes to a role and potentially to an organization that I have been a part of for 1/5 of my life.
Saying goodbye is always hard, specially when a big 'thing' is about to leave your life.

I have had to say goodbye before, with sadness and regret, hoping it wouldn't actually go away. A closed chapter I wanted to continue.
I remember all my tears I cried after saying those goodbyes.
I remember feeling bad for days and not thinking about anything else.

This time it's different.

There are no tears that follow this goodbye, there is no regret or hope for continue.
But there is of course little sadness.
5 years is a long time and I will feel something as I start closing this chapter and getting ready to start an new one.

The letter will be sent.
That will be my closure!

- with love -

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Sailing through life on a friendship!

Yesterday was the second day of Easter, my friends left and reality has taken over again.
Yesterday evening I was sitting on my bed playing cards when I started to hear a familiar music, marching band music, so I opened the window to hear better.

Then i realized. This is what Paris is all about. I was standing half out of the window in my pajamas listening to french brass band music in an amazing weather.
So I took some pillows and sat down in the window just to get that french feeling and enjoy the music better.
This felt so great!

As I wrote here yesterday these past few days I had friends over to experience Paris with me and it made me think about the topic of 'Friendship'.
Now I do not consider me having few friends, on the contrary I think I have quite many, but I believe I have just few 'best' friends.

As I reflect on this topic I find my self not having hard time making friends, getting people to open up but my question that comes from these reflections is;
"How does a friend become 'Best' friend?"

What I mean is, what has to happen/be said for my friends/acquaintances to go from one level of friendship to the next one?

I somewhere read that if you can count the number of real true friends on one hand you truly are wealthy.
Now I have to use both hands to count my real true friends, best friends, and I start to wonder how come I'm so lucky to have some many true friends in my life when others dont manage to get even one handful of them?

I once wrote here that you choose your friends wisely without knowing it. And then I wonder again..
"How do you 'choose' your friends?"

I'm so thankful for all my friends, best ones as well as others, and I look forward to continue building those amazing friendships.

p.s. this reminds me of a SMS I received few years back, forgive me if I dont remember 100% the wordings.
"There might be stormy seas and rocky shores but the friendship is the only ship built to survive them all"

-with love-

Monday, April 13, 2009

Brightness in the darkest hour!

No matter how dark life seems at times,
no matter how low I get.
No matter how alone I feel
or how frustrated about my situation/surroundings I get

there is always something that makes me smile, makes time fly, makes me feel alive

These 'somethings' are my friends :)

Having friends over for Easter here in Paris made me forget that I'm counting the days until I get back home to Iceland.
I laughed
I smiled
I enjoyed Paris
I had fun with my friends

The past six days gave me the energy to go on, to finish as well as I can and also gave me good memories I will treasure.
I visited so many places I hadn't been before in Paris.
I had pick nicks in church gardens
I experiences culture first hand by visiting Andy Warhol exhibition, Chinese museum, seeing Mona Lisa and Venus De Milo.
I went to the top of Paris at Sacré Caeur, Eiffel tower and breathed French air as we walked through the amazing parks in Paris with sun shining down on my face.
I even managed to get tanned ;)

My friends experienced my life, where I work and how I live. Where I shop, how I eat, where I spend my time off and they understood why I am often feeling the way I do!
Having my friends experiencing and understanding means a lot!

Paris has a new meaning for me, it gave me different memories and I'm extremely happy with that.
I look forward meeting my friends back home in Iceland for our next adventure!

-with love-

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

My Parisian experience - Part II

As my stay in Paris is about to come to an end I have started to think about what this city means to me.
Then I remembered that I posted here my thoughts about Paris after 2 weeks in the city and I wanted to kind a go back to them and see where I am today!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Parisian experience
Tomorrow I have been in Paris for 2 weeks already. It just feels like 2 days.

I haven't been much around the city, I haven't been doing much outside AIESEC and I havent meet many people that are not AIESECers. Despite those facts, I'm having the time of my life here.
How can I not?
I'm living in Paris :)

This morning, on my way to the office, I started thinking about my perceptions of Paris.
- it's crowded city
- some places smell like Pee
- there are more homeless people here then I have seen in other cities
- it's so alive 24/7, people are everywhere
- so far it's only rained once ( and then it really rained )
- Random men talking to you on the street "Belle" "Bonjour" "Ca Va" etc.
- When it's sunny outside the city is so pretty
- People read all the time, I really enjoy that
- wine culture is big
- sitting at cafés all hours is generally accepted by the French people
- good coffee
- good bakary food
- beautiful language

So far this is what I'm thinking of Paris.
My first 2 weeks are just the way you would like your first 2 weeks in a new country to be like.
I'm ready for the next 2 weeks :)

- With Love -
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I still feel blessed for having had the chance in my life to live in Paris. I love this city and even though my experience here hasn't been as pleasant as I hoped, the city somehow never let me down.

So what comes to my mind when I think about Paris today - almost 7 months later!

- diversity in people, Here you can see people from all over the world and I love that they still dress in traditional ways as they would in their countries. It brings a lot of colors to the crowd.
- amazing bakery products. It's dangerous but so worth it :)
- people kissing, no matter where you are, what's the weather people always show affection and kiss in public.
- Good coffee.
- reading in the metro - it makes me feel less stressed and I love it
- Amazing parks where people gather to enjoy the weather, each other company and see and be seen.
- beautiful buildings. Although I'm not into architecture I love to see beautiful buildings and Paris has enough of them
- lively city - it doesnt matter what time I am walking around there are always people walking along, sitting somewhere and making the city so alive.
- random parking. Paris is over crowded and its hard to find a parking so people park their cars everywhere

These are just few of the first things that came to my mind when I thought about what Paris means to me.
But more than this Paris has another meaning for me as well.
It's the place where I realized how ready I am for the life outside AIESEC.
It's the place where I have shared 7 months of frustration, pain and hurt but still I love the city.
It's the place where I learned how strong I am as an individual and it made my relationship with family and friends stronger as well.
For that I will also remember Paris fondly.

I know I will be back here someday in the future.. for what I'm not sure.. but I love this place too much not to come back!

- with love -

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Are you worthy of a smile?

How much is a smile worth?

It might be a strange question but bare with me in my thoughts.
I love seeing people smile and I also love hearing that my smiles bring smiles and joy to others.
But in today's world, full of stress and competition, do we smile enough?

Few days ago on my way home I was listening to my music and waiting for the Metro when I realized that I was smiling. So I started looking around at the people at the metro station and no one had a smile on their faces. People looked sad, bored or stressed.

A dear friend of mine, Ali, once walked around Reykjavik smiling at people to see their reactions.
And if i remember correctly most of them smiled back. They were glad to see someone who enjoyed themselves, showing some emotions - I think.

Another smile story from me.
I always remember at one conference when I was passing my fellow MCP and smiled, he came back to me to thank me for my smile and greetings. He had been having a bad day and my smile made him feel better.
It was extremely nice to be told that your smile made someones day!

From this, I decided to ask the question I started with.
How would you "price" a smile?

For someone, your smile can be priceless.
Keep that in mind!!!

I think people forget the power of a smile in todays world.
A smile can really have a power on your mind and if you smile you look happier, you feel happier and people around you relax and feel better as well.

But also smile for yourself.
I read somewhere that a smile you smile when no one is around is a genuine smile.
So keep smiling, make someones day and feel better.

That is how much a smile is worth!

- with love -

Friday, April 3, 2009

Dreaming - is it right or wrong?

The topics of my posts are often quite related as the same topic reoccurs in my conversations.
Today I have been talking to my friends about dreams, hopes and expectations towards those dreams.
We were talking about if it's healthy for you to dream/want something and when/if you dont reach the dream - dont get what you want - that you start feeling bad, dragging yourself down or even doubt yourself.
So why would you?
Isn't it better to hope for nothing, be pessimistic and go with the flow like that?

My opinion is NO!!!

I realized in these discussions that my approach to this topic is as follows;
I believe in dreams.
I dream where I want to go in the future, what I want to accomplish. I dream of family and my career.
I dare to dream and work towards them.
Why?

Because my experience in the past has shown me that if I know what I want and work towards it, I get it.
But I have also experience the other side, meaning, dreaming about something and not getting it.
And of course I was sad.
But when I started to reflect on those dreams and the outcome of what would have happened if I had reached it, I also realized that these dreams weren't the right ones for me.
The dream was good, but the effect it would have, the situations it would have led me in would not have made me happy.

So my conclusion is, Not all dreams are meant to come true.

But you need to have something to strive for, that motivates you.
And if that dream doesn't come true then you have to get over it, find another dream and dream even bigger then before.
Its easily said then done because not realizing your dreams is sad and you will feel bad.
But you can not stay sad and blue.
You have to continue dreaming.

Another aspect of why people might think it's better not to dream and why you feel bad when you dont reach the dreams you have is, in my opinion, the fact that people dont just dream about something. They have built up this big expectation tree behind it. A tree that might not be realistic to begin with.
I know I do this as well, but I'm aware of it so I try to stop myself when I start to over think my dreams, build up expectations that I have now grounds for doing.
I need to learn not to put too much pressure and expectations on what should come out of my dream AFTER I realize it.

So I should focus on the dream and only the dream I want to reach and she what other dreams/hopes come from reaching them.

-with love-

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Power of randomness!

Yesterday I was feeling quite random, using my energy to have fun and make the time fly faster.
I've been in a very talkative mood, enjoying random conversations about Rakija from Serbia and my experience with that one disgusting drink. It's so interesting to tell people who like this drink how I tried to make it taste better by mixing it with coca cola because I just couldn't drink it normally.
But what was said yesterday that you learn to appreciate this drink. For Serbs ( and other nationalities ) Rakija is part of their culture, their heritage, it's their drink. So I think I will try at least one more time to learn to appreciate it and then also part of the serbian culture :)

Yesterday evening I was sitting down with my flatmates, not wanting to sleep as I had some feelings of excitement - not sure why. We also had interesting discussions that went from topic to topic, sex to kisses to love to relationships.
for me, I found it very interesting to see the impact culture and religion have on these topics, as we all come from a different background.

And yet again, this concept of soul mate popped up in the conversations.
It reminded me of a quote I read in the Wizz Air magazine on my way to Poland. "to believe that there is only one person right for you when there are 6 billion people in the world, is sad" - not sure the name of the person who said this, but doctor Gilmore rings some bells. :s

And I agree, as I have mentioned here before.
I also know that I could not end up with just anyone, not EVERYone is right for each other but there can be many people that fit together.
Does this make any sense to you?
It does to me ;)
I'm getting more and more clear on what this "right" person means to me - now it's just to be open and see who comes along that fits my "criteria" :)

Its very cool and needed to take the time to be random and just go with the flow.
The discussions and the emotions from other people can surprise you and be more personal, deeper and more relevant then "normal" discussions.
But then again - What is normal these days?

-with love-

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Challenge your reflection - reflect on your challenge!

There are words that I keep on wondering about and what they actually mean?
Challenges is one of those words I have been thinking about for the past days.

- How do people define challenges?
- How do people behave in order for them to tackle challenges?
- How can we make sure to take some learning from each challenge?
- What is it that makes people strive to take on challenges rather then take the easy way out?
- Does the word challenge automatically mean stepping outside your comfort zone?

The reason I'm wondering about this word is that I keep feeling like there are constant challenges out there, waiting for me to tackle them, to take them head on but I'm not sure if I should!
What's in it for me?
What do I gain?

Recently I told a loved one that "sometimes life is hard, people come and go and not always the way we would like them to. Challenging times always bring some learning, you might not see it now but in the long run it's there. You just have to set your mind to find the learning."

Was I right telling this person this?
Is there always some learning?
and to repeat the previous question I made - how can we make sure to find the learning?

Reflection, someone would say.
Reflect on your experience and find the lessons, learning, the emotions and so on.
I completely agree.
I take my time, sit down and think things through.. what did this experience bring me that I can take from to be a better person.
But is the skill of reflection something that everyone has?
Can we take it for granted that everyone know how to "search" for the learning by reflecting?
If not, how does one gain this skill?

I'm just wondering!
- with love -