Few weeks ago I had written a post here which I was extremely happy with. It had a clear message I am starting to realize and I wanted to share it with those, if any, read my thoughts at this blog.
But by being a little technically challenged, the post didnt save and was therefore deleted.. to my disappointment and frustration, and I left it like that.
However, this topic is coming more up in conversations with other and I'm finding it more and more relevant issue to keep in mind. And therefore I'm going to give it ago again.. hoping this time it will be successful and be as good as I want it to be.
The topic I want to give my thoughts about, it the topic of expectations towards others, be it within a romantic relationship, with family members, friends or co-workers, just to name few relationships this affects.
It has become more clear to me that I have certain expectations towards those I keep in my life, and when those expectations aren't met, I become frustrated or even angry. I have been let down.
The other day I was thinking this from another point of view.. "how can this person behave like this, when she hasn't made her expectations toward our relationship clear? what gives her the right?" and I become frustrated by this persons behavior.
One of the things I try to do is to reflect on issues that make me, e.g. frustrated. So I set down and started thinking about my behavior and why she might have felt the need to behave so irrationally. And I realized that she has set some unspoken expectations towards our relationship, just like I had done towards her. But neither one has mentioned what we expect from each other, how we interact with each other and how to go forward in this relationship. And that made me think even further. I do this in most all relationships. I enter a relationship without clearing it with the other person what I am expecting, what I am "investing" into this relationship.
But when expectations are unspoken they are impossible to be met. So frustration is highly likely to take place at one point or another in the relationship. But we do not understand why this frustration takes place.. because we do not realize that the other person is not able to fulfill expectation s/he are unaware of.
And it lead me to think about another thing.. in a relationship people come with more than expectations. We come with different backgrounds, different levels of intimacy and behavior. But I, automatically when starting a relationship, expect the level of every aspect involved to be at my standards, to be based on my expectations. And that is just not fair when two people come and create a relationship. I had never thought about this before, and for me it was so normal that things would be done after my preferences. Thats just how it goes.. but that is not it!
The other person has just as much right as you to have things based on their preferences. But we never think about these things (now I'm generalizing A LOT) when we start a new relationship of any kind.
These reflections were an eyeopener, and to be honest, they made me adjust my thinking in some of my relationships (yes, I'm still working on this) and I swear.. those relationships have improved and I can notice both parties being so much more happier and at ease, because now both are giving and receiving.
I just wanted to share this.. as I believe way too many of us do not think about these things and when we get frustrated we believe the other person has let us down (when they dont know how not to do so, because we havent told them) and it can ruin the best of relationship in the long run. In stead, we are able to realize that everyone has expectations, discuss them and find a common ground. Then, I believe, many more friendships, business relationship and romantic relationships will last longer and become stronger (wow this rhymes).
That is what I wish for us all :) because our lives are built up from different relationships. We cannot be without them.
All the best and with love
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment