2014 - a year of relationship, respect and kindness!

There are only few hours until the New Year, 2014, begins with fireworks and celebrations and I have been surfing my facebook site and reading some 2013 summaries from friends and family. It is an interesting read. We have all had times of joy and smiles with family and friends. We have learnt something new, met new people (both good and not so good). We have lost someone, had our hearts broken and cried on someone’s shoulder. 

Why am I mentioning all this? I am mentioning this because we have all gone through the same things, although each person experiences it in a different way and each situation is different from the next. We all have sadness in our lives, we all have joy. We have family and friends we care for and we wish them all the best. 

But sometimes it feels like we think that no one understands what we are going through, that no one has it as bad as you have it. And then you take your hurt or frustrations out on others, who might have had just as bad day as you have.

So my New Year’s resolution is to try to be kind to others and treat them in the same manner as I would like to be treated, with respect and kindness. My wish is that we all start doing this because we all need help someday and that requires relationships which will not be built with frustrations and greed. The important relationships are built with trust, respect and openness.

Another new years resolution I have for myself is to be more courageous. I know what I want and I just need to go for it. Nothing will be handed to me on a silver platter. But sometimes I just feel a bit scared to show others what I can do, because what if they don’t think I am good enough? Then I have failed! But I want to take a different approach, I want to look at is as a success.  At least I might get some feedback and support which I would not get if I do not try.

So as I write this I send my wishes into the universe and I hope it reaches every one of you. And I wish you a great 2014 with great adventures and smiles and where relationships, kindness and respect will play a key role. I know that will play a big role in my life.  

Let the new year begin!

By the power of forgiveness!!

I am learning more and more to forgive people and it feels so great to be such a strong individual, being able to discuss and forgive issues that hurt for a little while but were not done to you out of anger or to hurt you. Most of the time, these hurtful activities or words, are said or done because that is how the other individual communicates, or believes that will give him/her the best results. And it hurts me because I do not agree with this.
But just the fact that I am able to be aware of these differences, be aware that this person did not intend to hurt me, only to convey their feelings. This awareness helps in strengthening a relationship that is built on two different backgrounds, two different cultures, two different ways of thinking and communicating.
And who am I to say that my way is the right way, just because the other way is offensive or hurtful?

Being able to discuss these things, realize where the hurt comes from and how to minimize it, is in my opinion, a key skill in sustaining a relationship.
Everyone keeps saying "being in a relationship is hard". and Yes it is. I just didnt realize how hard it is, and how hard both parties have to work. And I have to be open to the fact that even though I believe I am doing all the work in the relationship, the other person is most likely sitting at home, thinking the exact same thing.

So I am realizing more and more, that forgiveness is a key variable in the communication matrix that should be included in a relationship.
Unfortunately, for most people, this is left out. Because most of us find it hard to be a "bigger" individual and forgive when someone has hurt us. Why should we? the other person was the one doing all the hurting.
But isnt it just as likely that the other partner in this relationship is thinking the same thing when he feels like you have done something to hurt him/her? and I am sure you didnt do it on purpose, so wouldnt you want the benefit of the doubt and explain what you meant and why you did what you did? Most likely yes.
if not, I believe we are not as into the other person and willing to work on the relationship.
Because relationships are hard, and even harder than we could have imagined.

Some things should not be forgiven, and that is when the other person is willingly hurting your, is violent towards you or abusive. These things, I feel, should not be forgiven so dont feel bad that you want to leave a relationship because of these things. You have to make sure you take care of yourself first.
But if the other person is just communicating in a different manner, is behaving in a way that is unfamiliar to you, give that person the benefit of the doubt.

so do some experimenting. When you feel hurt, forgive. and I hope you will feel better about yourself, the other person and the relationship you are having.

-with love-

When expectations are unclear.. things break down!

Few weeks ago I had written a post here which I was extremely happy with. It had a clear message I am starting to realize and I wanted to share it with those, if any, read my thoughts at this blog.
But by being a little technically challenged, the post didnt save and was therefore deleted.. to my disappointment and frustration, and I left it like that.

However, this topic is coming more up in conversations with other and I'm finding it more and more relevant issue to keep in mind. And therefore I'm going to give it ago again.. hoping this time it will be successful and be as good as I want it to be.

The topic I want to give my thoughts about, it the topic of expectations towards others, be it within a romantic relationship, with family members, friends or co-workers, just to name few relationships this affects.
It has become more clear to me that I have certain expectations towards those I keep in my life, and when those expectations aren't met, I become frustrated or even angry. I have been let down.
The other day I was thinking this from another point of view.. "how can this person behave like this, when she hasn't made her expectations toward our relationship clear? what gives her the right?" and I become frustrated by this persons behavior.
One of the things I try to do is to reflect on issues that make me, e.g. frustrated. So I set down and started thinking about my behavior and why she might have felt the need to behave so irrationally. And I realized that  she has set some unspoken expectations towards our relationship, just like I had done towards her. But neither one has mentioned what we expect from each other, how we interact with each other and how to go forward in this relationship. And that made me think even further. I do this in most all relationships. I enter a relationship without clearing it with the other person what I am expecting, what I am "investing" into this relationship.
But when expectations are unspoken they are impossible to be met. So frustration is highly likely to take place at one point or another in the relationship. But we do not understand why this frustration takes place.. because we do not realize that the other person is not able to fulfill expectation s/he are unaware of.

And it lead me to think about another thing.. in a relationship people come with more than expectations. We come with different backgrounds, different levels of intimacy and behavior. But I, automatically when starting a relationship, expect the level of every aspect involved to be at my standards, to be based on my expectations. And that is just not fair when two people come and create a relationship. I had never thought about this before, and for me it was so normal that things would be done after my preferences. Thats just how it goes.. but that is not it!
The other person has just as much right as you to have things based on their preferences. But we never think about these things (now I'm generalizing A LOT)  when we start a new relationship of any kind.

These reflections were an eyeopener, and to be honest, they made me adjust my thinking in some of my relationships (yes, I'm still working on this) and I swear.. those relationships have improved and I can notice both parties being so much more happier and at ease, because now both are giving and receiving.

I just wanted to share this.. as I believe way too many of us do not think about these things and when we get frustrated we believe the other person has let us down (when they dont know how not to do so, because we havent told them) and it can ruin the best of relationship in the long run. In stead, we are able to realize that everyone has expectations, discuss them and find a common ground. Then, I believe, many more friendships, business relationship and romantic relationships will last longer and become stronger (wow this rhymes).
That is what I wish for us all :) because our lives are built up from different relationships. We cannot be without them.

All the best and with love

You are angry, I ignore you!

I am realizing more and more that people have a hard time talking to each other. It is easier to just get angry, get sad, get annoyed and ignore the issue.. leaving a hole between people. Sometimes the others do not understand why that is.. and become annoyed themselves. vicious circle that no one seems interested in breaking.

I wish that I would become better in talking, sharing my feelings and not allow others negative emotions affect me so hard. Because in most cases I didnt do something wrong, it is just they being annoyed and me not knowing why.
But still, I am left without a feeling of "why" and all I feel is "what did I do wrong?"
That feeling is one of the worst ones I believe we can have in a relationship with others. Because it leaves us insecure, and when we are insecure we feel bad, and when we feel bad our relationships are affected (not only with those we are having a disagreement/annoyance with, but all relationships and communications with people).

I do not know how to "fix" this, if it is at all possible. But all I can do is just tell what I am thinking and feeling, even if others do not want to hear it, and when others ignore me, are angry at me and I dont know why - I will let them be.
I will try hard to not waste energy on these people. Because I dont have enough energy to spend on people who just want to suck it away and not give anything back.

Just wanted to share my thoughts on this cold saturday morning..
-with love-

Interpretations of love

Why is it that when women (yes I know I'm generalizing) are in love they also become overly interpretive? Why do we become so insecure? Why do we doubt everything and everyone good in our life?
I keep wondering about this as I feel i'm trying to interpret every little thing, and in a more of a negative way than in a good way.
Every small remark, action, lack of action becomes a little note in my head, and I over analyse it to "understand" what he actually meant by this.
Why do I do that?

I believe its good to understand behaviors of your significant other, but when it becomes such an over analysis and negative interpretations it is nothing more than a hinder to the relationship.
And I know that.. but I cannot stop interpreting and doubting. That only leaves me hurting because he does not mean the things I've created in my mind, with his actions.

I wish I could just stop interpret and over analyse.
It is not so simple, because my "research" has shown that I am not the only woman in a relationship that does these things. So maybe it is a female thing..
but then, how can we overcome it and make sure we enjoy the love and the relationship we are in?

just a question, would love to have an answer to it but I doubt I will.

- with love -