back to the past that I cant let go of.

I was watching a tv show called The Forgotten and in the end there was a talk that really struck me and made me think. "I wanted to go back. But you cant go back, people change.[...]Places can be magic, and certain times in your life can be magic too. But when they go, you have to let them go. I know that know. you still take them with you."

I have talked about this before.. letting people/things go when you should, even though it's hard for you. These sentences here above are true. those time might have been magical but magic doesnt last forever. nothing really does. So in order to keep the image of magic and smiles alive - you have to let it go before it becomes worse. Then you only will remember those bad times, where magic doesnt exist.

But how do you "allow" people to leave your heart, your mind, your thoughts?
How can you do this without falling apart?

I believe there are magical moments I try to relive, keep close to me, even though the time has past and the people dont share the same feelings as back then. But I find it so hard to let go of this magical feeling, the smiles, the happiness it brought me.
But I know i have to.
And sometimes I think I have already let go... but then I realize I'm not even close.
What makes me hold on when I should let go?

So many questions with no possible answers just floating around.
I hope to think more about this and even come to some conclusion... If I do, I will share it here!

-with love-

thinking few steps ahead!

I have been thinking more and more about my next steps, my future and where I see myself in that context.
Part of that picture is having a family ( hopefully )even though my current situation does not support that dream, being single and all. Even so, this is a big part of my future as I see it.
fair enough that I'm having these dreams, but the thoughts that come after that are the ones that really cought my attention.

a little background is needed before I explain my thoughts, or at least I wanna share.

I believe I grew up to be a good person, I'm well raised ( I think so ), I'm resectful and I have great relationship with my parents, my brother, my grandparents and other family member. of course I've been rebellious but nothing that is not normal for teenagers growing up. I believe this about my brother as well, he's a great person, hard working, caring and honest.
These traits, I stongly believe, are there due to our upbringing - that is, the way my parents raised us.

back to what I've been thinking about when this family picture of the future comes to mind.

I'm very nervous that I will not be able to do as good job as I believe my parents have done. that scares me.
I know that it will come when the time is right but I believe I have big shoes to fill and that scares me as well.
I want a great relationship with my children, I want them to respect others and I want them to love life.
It's not time for me yet to think about this, but I still do.
I wanna be prepared - as I'm scared of this role, this role that I also can not wait to take on with a great partner ( hopefully I'll get there ).

So my question is just simple - what makes people great parents?
Yeah, just wondering like always!

- with love -

Pride belongs to those who work for it!

Today I read an online article from a woman and the title was "for the first time I'm ashamed of being Icelandic". the article was interesting and I agree with most of her arguements.
However I have to comment on one thing she says, it might be a minor detail but it struck a nerve with me and I feel I should tell my opinion as well.

She talks about what made her proud of being Icelandic, the health system, the pure nature and the safety of the people.
These are all fair points and I agree with them.

Most people might be aware of the situation that is currently in my country. financial crisis, bank crisis and in a way there is a political crisis as well. Somewhere the government ( if I can call it that ) needs to find money in the system to sustain the state. It's hard as we are facing huge deficites and debts. It's up the to people in at the parliment to find ways for us out of this.
And of course the "only" solution is to cut down in our services. It's harsh, I dont agree with everything but the money needs to come somewhere.
However, that's a topic for a whole another discussion. One that I think will not be done here.

What struck me is that she claims being ashamed of being Icelandic because of the actions our government are taking. That the decisions they have taken strips away her pride of our country. Fair enough. I also dont agree with those decisions. I believe there can be solutions found elsewhere.
But what I can not say is that I'm ashamed of being Icelandic. On the contrary. I am proud of my nationality. What I'm ashamed of are the people claiming to be working in our best interest.
These people who strive to save their own role, their own asses, their supporters opinion to gain more money from them later on.
These are the people I feel should be ashamed of calling themselves Icelandic.
Not me.
I have done what I can to support my country. It's not much but I try.
I'm proud to be Icelandic and I'm proud to actually want to change things back home, that I care, that I dont agree with those people who with their actions are driving the nation further down the drain.
These people should not be proud to call themselves Icelandic AND say they are working for the people.

So I mostly agree with this lady, she makes good points, fair arguments but I dont think we are the ones who should be ashamed.. Not at all.
Now is the time to protest and show the "government" what it means to be ICELANDIC!
That's my opinion.

- with love -

All we need is love - but what does that mean?

I'm watching these TV shows called OZ. They are about maximum security prison in the USA and scary to mention as well.. but what I find extremely interesting is the part of the narrator in the show.
He's part of the prison inmates but his major role is to, in my opinion, to challenge and give food for thoughts. How intereting! in a prison tv show!

One of the toughts they were provocing is using the saying "head over heels" when talking about love. This saying, originally, comes from old Britain when people committed a crime of some sort they were hung upside down, with their heels over their head. from there on out it was used when you were in a position of no control, in state of helplessness. so why use that phrase when it comes to being in love?
- their comment was; being in love IS like being helpless, being out of control. Sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a negative way. It was quite interesting to hear this.

And it all came together when I watched a movie called The holiday. One part of that movie, one of the main character is talking about being in love. Some people are in love with each other but many ( unfortunately ) are in love without having that love being reciprocated. It's painful, you feel helpless and out of control of your own emotions.
No one ever talks about these people, these unlucky ones that go through being "head over heels" literally speaking in love.

so I have to wonder, if explanations are taken from painful experiences to showcase what love is, or what it means to be in love - is love then partly negative?
My experience of love is both negative AND positive. And most of the time it's been a painful process of helplessness and doubt.
But there are experiences of joy, satisfaction, strength and peacefulness in there as well.

Love, as a topic for discussion, is extremely interesting. People have different views on what it means and how to show love. All we can agree on is twofolded; that it is hard, to either be in love alone or with someone, even if the end result of this hardness is good or bad. and that we all disagree on what love actually means!

- with love -

the book that should be open - people!

I sometimes find myself wonder why it can be so challenging to read people, understand their motives and therefore prevent being hurt later on in the communications and/or relationship.
I do believe I'm a bit naive when it comes to this matter, but I also want to believe that I'm learning.. but sometimes it doesnt really look and feel like I am.

Being a woman, I'm aware that females often overinterpret behaviors, words and signs. I'm fully aware of that. But somehow, when the signs are just SO DAMN clear but the behaviour doesnt support them I get confused. I doubt and wonder.
Its hard enough to get to know people without all these games, rules, lies, bluffs and whatnot. I'm just not able to play at the same level as some people do.
And because of that I suffer, I misread people and I feel I've been let on and then let down.

I'm fully aware that I want to believe the best in people but I also have had the experience that it's hard to see or get to know people that well that they are willing to show you their best.
they, instead, have this mask on, that is attached with behaviour that is built on defense and blocking. Although they deep down might want to share, open up and the signs are there - it's just hard to break old habits, to unmask and stand there vulnerable.
But I sometimes feel I'm the only one that tries to take her mask of ( I dont intend to say I'm the only one without a mask - I know that's not true ).

I just want to be able to read people, understand their behaviours and live my life without being hurt, being let down and walked all over.
I hope, I sure do, that it comes with time and practice, experience and wisdom.
- with love -

So you think you can dance????

I had a very intersting conversation with a friend the other day.. and it just came to me again today as this day has been a little more complicated than days before.
the conversation was about living life as it was a dance. it brings twists and turns, backsteps, front steps, jumps and twirls. And when you dance with others it brings you more joy than you could have imagine.

However, just like dancing, you need to practice. Otherwise you will not be able to dance with others, you stay off balance and your rythm is not right.

Life is like that. what we do now, this hard, complicated, confused time of our life is our practice. We are getting ready to do the dance we so desperatly want to dance sooner rather than later.
today is a hard day of practice. I'm realizing that I allow people to dance with me that have no intention to help me grow as a dancer, no intention to stay with me the whole practice and be my partner in crime while dancing.. and when I find out I become sad. I start to doubt myself. I feel little.
So even though I've been pracicing for years now and my dance is slowly coming together.. I find myself wondering if Im pracicing the wrong dance.

How can I be sure Im supposed to be dancing a salsa and not a wals?
these are just few thoughts Im having...
-with love and dance-

with life full of teachers

Although I have not been writing this passed month it's not because of lack of topics, low energy or few thoughts in my head.. on the contrary.. there has just been lack of time to put them into words and post them here.

I love learning from others, I seek out people, I ask questions, I enjoy being inspired by amazing people. and often I know where to look for answers to my questions, who to speak to to become inspired, what to do to learn.
But sometimes my AHA moments, those moments when I'm learning something unexpected, something I feel so important, come when I least expect them to arrive - from people I did not expect to be so insightful. and the beauty of it, they're not even trying to be, they just are at this moment. what they are saying hits home and my AHA moment arrives.

This happened to me this summer when two people, one very close to me and one who used to be very close to me, just in a converstation said something that left a foodprint in my mind, hit a nerve, something about this random conversation had a hidden message for me... without them knowing it.
this made me think and reflect on myself, my behaviour and my ideas about myself.
it was so interesting.

And the most interesting part was that these people, these unexpected "teachers" dont know it.
This summer gave me some material to reflect on myself but with this post I wanted to remind people that we can learn from everyone - we all have insights, experiences, feelings that we can share, inspire with and also teach.
Dont judge the book by it's cover if you really want to learn, reflect, grow.
allow your mind to be open to the "magic words" from all around. Not just from those directions you expect them to arrive from.
You will be amazed by the insight into peoples life and the AHA moments that insight can and will bring.
allow yourself to learn from everyone..
and people will be able to learn from you as well.

I'm facinated, I'm ready to learn
- with love -