Interpretations of love

Why is it that when women (yes I know I'm generalizing) are in love they also become overly interpretive? Why do we become so insecure? Why do we doubt everything and everyone good in our life?
I keep wondering about this as I feel i'm trying to interpret every little thing, and in a more of a negative way than in a good way.
Every small remark, action, lack of action becomes a little note in my head, and I over analyse it to "understand" what he actually meant by this.
Why do I do that?

I believe its good to understand behaviors of your significant other, but when it becomes such an over analysis and negative interpretations it is nothing more than a hinder to the relationship.
And I know that.. but I cannot stop interpreting and doubting. That only leaves me hurting because he does not mean the things I've created in my mind, with his actions.

I wish I could just stop interpret and over analyse.
It is not so simple, because my "research" has shown that I am not the only woman in a relationship that does these things. So maybe it is a female thing..
but then, how can we overcome it and make sure we enjoy the love and the relationship we are in?

just a question, would love to have an answer to it but I doubt I will.

- with love -

how is my life?

How is a life
that one moment spreads joy
and the next is covered in tears?

How is a life
where pain is to be
in love with the one?

How is a life
where the one you love
is there and not there?

How sad is my life,
when the day of joy
becomes overly sad?

How sad is my life
when tears decide my time
and I cry in the night?

How is a life
where you hope for the best
when sadness takes over?

that is a life I am willing to live!

life is full of beauty - we just have to be open for it!

During hard times, one has to hope that brighter time is on its way... because if we keep focusing too much on the hard time in our life, we lose spirit and passion for life.
I know this first hand.
Not an experience I want to dwell on but it leads me to another thought I had today...
Beauty of life. Can that only be visible after you see things in black and gray? why do we always wait with appreciate life until it becomes extremely hard?

Today I was walking around this beautiful garden, leaves were falling, the colors were amazing and I was there with loved one.
for a moment I stopped and I just looked around me. How can I think of negative things in this environment?
How blessed am I to live in this place, to be able to enjoy and appreciate the seasonal changes and share this with the man I love?
And that made me realize that I dont do this enough.
Just look around, counting my blessings (because they are more than the negative things) and just love my life and the people in it.

Of course, this doesnt make the challenges go away.
but maybe, just maybe, by appreciating the beauty around us, the people that make life special and the moments that actually mean the most.. the challenges will not be so unbearable.
I think so.
I actually can feel it.. as I am looking forward to tackle the challenges of the coming week.

I hope you feel the same after stopping and just letting go.. breath in the beauty your life has to offer (it is there somewhere, I guaranty you that).
I hope life's challenges will become just a speed bump you will easily overcome.

that I wish for.
-With love-

Be strong enough to be your girl!

It is amazing feeling when you are in love, when you found that special someone you want to share your life, your love, your strength and weaknesses, your happiness and sorrow. basically your everything. It doesnt happen easily for most people, because finding someone means you have to show vulnerability and emotions.. two things people are scared to show. And I get it.. I am the same. I make sure I hide my feelings but sometimes that is just so hard.

So when you find someone you are willing (and able) to share your life with it becomes so hard when you cannot help them. some situations you are not strong enough, or have the capabilities to help them and that is one of the worst feelings in the world.

But what can one do in those situations?
because you feel so helpless, your partner is hurting or in tough situations, and there is nothing you can do. Things are not in your reach to help.

How do you make sure you are strong enough to just be there?
just be there for the one you love in their situation?
and what does it mean, to be strong?

I want to be strong.
I want to understand what it means to be strong.
and how to get to that strength.
Because I want to be there for the people in my life, my loved ones.

Because they are there for me when I need them.
and it's extremely important to me.
I want to make sure they feel the same!

- with love -

You are my special someone - let me be yours!

It is amazing how good people can make you feel and how special they can make you believe you are.

Everyone of us has the need to be cared for, need to feel loved, need to feel comfortable in our own skins, need to have smiles and intimite kisses once and a while.
Finding the people who make this happen for you is a blessing.
Do not take it for granted you will meet one easily.

Being a shy person, not so comfortable about myself in one way but super secure about my abilities in other areas, is a challenge.
Being totally comfortable with someone, allowing my guard to fall back a little, laughing, smiling, feeling ok by crying in front of that someone, is a rare feeling for me.
So when I've found it, I'll try my hardest to fight for it.
because that is what it takes.... fight!
Show appreciation, show that person the same respect, same love, same vulnerability to allow them to cry or laugh,
that is what makes life worth living, it makes the hard times worth it.
Because you have someone to share them with, someone who makes you feel better about you and your situations.

Who doesnt want that?
but do we all recognize it and fight for it when we have it?
I doubt it.
And that is what I fear, not fighting hard enough, not fighting fair enough and showing how much this person means to me!

By writing this, I wish you all to be open to this person. this one who makes you smile and be secure about who you are, no matter how you look like.
I wish you all to hold on to this person, because they dont come often..
I wish you to fight for them. Because if you dont, they'll leave.
Just as much as you need to feel the love, feel the security, feel the passion.. that person has the same needs as well.
Do them right just as they are doing you right.

That is my wish, for the coming days, months and even years..

-with love-

Music makes the world go round - and all my feelings as well !!

Few times here I've written about the power of lyrics and music, how certain songs and their words can heal/refocus your thoughts, your feelings and your heart.
I have my own personal healing song, a song I listen to when I know I need to move on.. when I know I cannot stay in the mindset I'm in at that time.
And it works ALL THE TIME.
maybe that is because I know it is my healing song and when I listen to it in that purpose it just works.

but its not that often that the singer impacts me more than the lyrics.
However, I just had that experience tonight.
I was listening to a song I dont know sung by a person I have only heard few times sing and I could feel my happiness and love just flowing. It made me think about people I care about, it made me think of not being angry when there is no need - and the funny thing is that I dont know if the lyrics of the song were in any alignment with this or not.. I just heard this guy's voice and I got blown away.

I just wanted to share this with anyone who is reading.
Be open for empowerment, for inspiration, for guidance
Because it can come in any form, at any time when you least expect it.
And when it does come and you notice that it impacts you - listen to those feelings, listen to your motivations, listen to what this is telling you.. and follow it.

I know that I feel even happier now than I was before this song... my anger melted away and I'm so happy for that, because it was useless anger - but I couldnt see it until now - when certain emotions were woken in me.
And I appreciate it.
I hope you do too!!

-with love-

Happy Valentines Day - Every Day!

It's becoming a tradition for me to express myself on this day - Valentines Day.
This year though, my need is not as strong. I'm not sure why.
Maybe I'm more at ease, people around me not focusing to much on this day and/or I feel love in one way or another almost every day. Who knows?

My messages last year and the year before have been around the fact that people should not have to buy into this commercialization of Love, that one day is not enough to show love and that celebration of love does not have to mean being in love.
I still completely agree still today. It's very intersting to have this kind of blog and look back on previous years and my believes at different times.
Sometimes your believes adjust to new learning and knowledge but some always stay the same no matter what others believe to be true.
This topic is one of those - one that I still stand firmly behind.
Valentines Day is fine to have a special occation to be kinder to people than the next day - but all days should be platforms for celebration.
If not then why bother being in love - if you can only show it once a year based on calander?

I really hope people take notice that Valentines Day - Day of Love - can also be about saying I love you to friends and family.
I really hope people only use this day to be extra special in their demonstration of love - still focusing on love all other days.
I really hope people are true to theirselves when they celebrate - not following the mainstream. The same thing might not be the right way to showcase love for all people.

But as the day of love fades from our calender I'm glad I take this day to reflect on my relationships, my priorities and my definition of love.
I believe that's the ultimate goal with this day!
And that I can buy into.

- with love -

All we need is love - but what does that mean?

I'm watching these TV shows called OZ. They are about maximum security prison in the USA and scary to mention as well.. but what I find extremely interesting is the part of the narrator in the show.
He's part of the prison inmates but his major role is to, in my opinion, to challenge and give food for thoughts. How intereting! in a prison tv show!

One of the toughts they were provocing is using the saying "head over heels" when talking about love. This saying, originally, comes from old Britain when people committed a crime of some sort they were hung upside down, with their heels over their head. from there on out it was used when you were in a position of no control, in state of helplessness. so why use that phrase when it comes to being in love?
- their comment was; being in love IS like being helpless, being out of control. Sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a negative way. It was quite interesting to hear this.

And it all came together when I watched a movie called The holiday. One part of that movie, one of the main character is talking about being in love. Some people are in love with each other but many ( unfortunately ) are in love without having that love being reciprocated. It's painful, you feel helpless and out of control of your own emotions.
No one ever talks about these people, these unlucky ones that go through being "head over heels" literally speaking in love.

so I have to wonder, if explanations are taken from painful experiences to showcase what love is, or what it means to be in love - is love then partly negative?
My experience of love is both negative AND positive. And most of the time it's been a painful process of helplessness and doubt.
But there are experiences of joy, satisfaction, strength and peacefulness in there as well.

Love, as a topic for discussion, is extremely interesting. People have different views on what it means and how to show love. All we can agree on is twofolded; that it is hard, to either be in love alone or with someone, even if the end result of this hardness is good or bad. and that we all disagree on what love actually means!

- with love -

decisions decisions decisions!

Some decisions are easier than others, and some are breeze to make. it's those hard ones that really question myself on how well I know me and what I want in life.
It's hard when you feel the need to make decisions that you are not 100% sure you wanna make but you can feel the need for them anyway.
But these decisions are those that shape our lives in many cases.

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. ~Roy Disney

This statement is speaking to me now,
I have worked very hard to become who I am today.. someone I'm proud of, someone with good values and someone who loves life.
By knowing what I want, what I value, should help me in my decision making.
But sometimes it's hard to see clearly.
Take for example Love.
I have been in love... and I wish to experience that feeling again as it is wonderful.
However, I seem to keep holding on to something/someone that reminds me of that past, that feeling, that love.
But in order to stay true to my values I need to let go, start to open up again, and not sell myself short/undermining my worth.
But its hard.
But as this statement shows, If I want to show my worth to others I have to believe it myself and walk the talk.
And that walk usually starts with hard decisions.
So make it!

And I have, or I believe and feel I have.
Lets see if I stand by it and dont sell myself out but stay strong!
- with love -

I count my luck in life!

I sometimes find myself thinking how lucky I am.
I have amazing parents and family who support me when needed without me having to ask. They know how hard it is for me to ask for help, no matter how small it is.
I feel, as people offer their support, that I'm appreciated, I'm valued as a person, a member of the family and that my contribution is important. I think that's why my family is so generous and willing to help me.
I'm honored by this.. and I know just how lucky I am.
Not everyone has a family they can rely on.
Unfortunately.

I sometimes also think about my friends.
I have many great friends with diverse background, from different corners of the world and who value different things in life.
But they all make me feel great, make me feel inspired in one way or another.
The fact that they look for me, want to hang with me, spend their precious time with me shows me that they care. That they appreciate who I am and what I bring to the friendship.
I'm amazed by this and I can not help to count my luck and smile when I think of my friends.
I know, not everyone has friends that truely care and allow you to be who you are.
Unfortunatly.

The reason for this message is not to showcase anything special except for the fact that we have people around us that elevate us, lift us up, allow us to become greater than we ever thought we could become.
All because they care, they support, they show interest, they want you around.
I think we all need to recognize these people in life and show them we know. we care as well and support them to be as great as they can be.
It goes both ways.

I hope my friends and family feel the same. that I'm here for them, support and care.
I hope they think they are lucky knowing I want to have them around, I listen to them and share their excitments and joy.
just as they do with me.
I hope they know!

- with love -

temptations all around me

I'm sitting in my living room and listening to tranquil moments by the sea. It's not because I'm all stressed out, not because I feel the need to relax but because I'm leading a reflection session for outgoing AIESECers tomorrow.
I want it to be a peaceful experience and in order to give that to them I feel I should be at peace as well.

I've been feeling a little restless.. not able to stay focused on the things at hand and keep dreaming and thinking of other projects I much rather would like to be working at than those I ought to be focusing on.
I'm trying to organize my days.
I'm trying to stay true to the path I see success on.
I'm trying to stay happy.

but distractions are many and unfortunately I fall easily.
falling is so easy, it's the "rising up again" part and look away from temptations that is so challenging for me.
And the worst thing is, I keep falling for the same distractions over and over again, even though I know better.
I swear, I know better but I can not stay strong.
I so want to stay strong.

Each fall opens something hurting inside and I want to leave that behind.
I want to forget.
close my eyes and not beleive I still feel something.

I want to be able to look away when tempted.
So far I'm still weak.
But I want to be strong!

- with love -

few days of emptiness leave me open for adventures!

For few days now I've been homesick, feeling blue and not very sociable. I miss my family, I have worries on my mind, I am stressed and I'm frustrated.
For few days now I have not been willing to smile, to feel good, to allow myself to be happy.
Those few days took so much energy out of me.

Saying goodbye to my brother as he smiled and walked towards the security check at the airport made me cry, I felt so alone. I felt so far away from friends and family.
For those few days my thoughts have been heavy, sad and taking me back home to Iceland.
Those few days drained me.

I know it's hard to be far away from those you love but sometimes I get so surprised how homesick I can get. I have been far away from my family before, I will be again and I'm currently doing good living in Copenhagen. So why does this period stay so long this time?

I think what I'm missing, and the reason my mind drifts to Iceland so often is the fact that here in Denmark I am alone. just as alone as I was in Paris - but in a different way -. I realized that I need people around, those I trust, those that I can hang with without having any expectation of "need to do stuff". That's why I'm feeling so alone. I dont have that here in Denmark, that's what I'm searching for by missing my family.
Thats why it was so hard to see my brother leave after having spent great time with him, hanging with a person I trust and not "having to do anything".
It was so needed and so nice.
That's why these few days came by, with emptiness and homesickness.
Those few days that stopped by, making sure I still know what I need.

These next few days will be brighter.
I'm not feeling as blue, the sun is shining more and I'm experiencing more.
that's what the next few days will be about.
I cant wait!

- with love -

my heart says one thing, my head doesnt agree!

How come it's so easy to say you will let go of things that aren't working, things that dont belong any longer, things which dont care for you as they used to but it's SO hard to actually let go?

How can you get your heart agree with what your head has decided?

Maybe we all hope deep down inside that you dont really have to let go to something that was part of your life and in a way still is.
Maybe you are scared to get back out there and finding those that work for you, who care, who are willing to be in your life?
Maybe we actually think we have let go, and try to ignore the fact that it's not true?
maybe we are lying to yourselves and we dont want to admit to it?

How can I make my heart agree with my head?
How can I make sure that I'm not lying to myself, that I actually let go.
I want to be able to stop wondering and just let it be.

Why is life so complicated?

Actually, just as I wrote this sentence here above I realize... life isnt complicated. I just make it like that because I take part in games being played instead of being sure of myself, letting the games pass me by and stay strong.
I am making myself feeling so bad, no one else.
Its me who is not letting go.
And I know I need to.
I need help in doing so.
But I'm too scared to search for it. Who to trust? who actually can help me?
oh man.. why do I do this to myself?
Why do we complicate our lives?
What do we think we are gaining?
Loved ones?
feelings of hope?
Future with smiles?

I dont think so!

- with love -

love - what does it mean to you?

Yesterday I went to the movies to see a movie called 'Precious'. It was a heartbreaking movie about an issue that for me seemed to be kept a secret but obviously is happening and people need to be aware.

It got me thinking of how good people have it and still complain. Of course some people complain and they have something to complain about. Those that have the most 'right' to complain leave it be.. due to some reasons. guilt, shame, anger... I do not know.

What was so hard for me, watching this movie, is the relationship between a mother and a daughter was a complete hell for both of them. The daughter never stood a chance.
How can you, as a parent, treat your flesh and blood like this?
even, how can you treat any person in your life like this?
Where does the selfishness comes from?

I know, I can be selfish, thinking of what's best for me but never until now have I taken any actions that would benefit me but hurt others. Not deliberately at least.

For me, the relationship with my parents is what makes me who I am today.
Their love, support, understanding...
their rules, their humour, their values.
And if/when I become a parent I hope I build a relationship with my child/children where they dont feel like the person in 'Precious'. They will never doubt my love and mistake selfishness and hurt as love on my behalf.
I will try to make sure that will never happen.
It shouldn't happen.

That's why this movie was an eye opener.. this is happening all over the world.
Children do not know love.
And believe that what is happening is what they deserve.
I am thankful for this movie in a sence it opened my eyes, it made me think of my values, my relationships and what I mean by love.
for that I'm grateful.
But man, oh man, was that a difficult movie to watch.

-with love-

be or not to be - my valentine!

I'm currently sitting at my friends place and spending some time with my computer.

Tomorrow is Valentines day, a day I do not celebrate and think is such a fake holiday. But of course it affects me as my society has adopted this day, make it relevant and supports people to believe it's the only day to show and express love.
How sad is that?
Or at least I believe so..

One year ago I was in Paris and I wrote a little text about this holiday as well then.

What I was writing then was that for me this day is not only about Love as in romantic love. It's about love between the people you cheerish, the ones you want to have a strong relationship with and those that you want to show you love.
But in order for this to happen you can not use only one day - you have to be concistant in showing your love, being in love and make sure your love doesnt dissapear. One day is not solving anything.
Of course I know the day was not meant to solve anything in that sence, but it was purely made to gain some money of those who believe that this is the occation where you can have a free pass in showing love.
That's why I say "how Sad is that?"

- How sad is that people need a special day to show love!
- How sad is that for someone to gain money in order for you to be able to show your love?
- How sad is that, that we as people, think this is fine behavior?

now I might sound as coldhearted bitch who doesn't believe in love.
Those who know me know that's not the case.
I'm a big fan of love.
But I also have clear ideas of what I believe to be love..and what for me is just a random act of greed, sadness or desperate behavior.
I prefer to be true to myself then to someone else's thoughts.

I love LOVE.
But I try to express it every day, with those who deserve my love.
I try to strengthen all relationships I do not want to see lost.
I step out and smile to those who mean the most to me, making sure they know they are in my life.
That for me is what valentines day should be about.
that kind of love.
And it should be every day!!

- with love-

Looking in a personal mirror!

I'm currently sitting at my Aunt's place in the middle of nowhere in Denmark where I have the chance to have time of, study, relax and reflect.
Its so valuable to get this chance, to sit in the silence, to not think about what's going on out there in the world and just be.. alone with your tasks, your thoughts and yourself.

Last time I talked about challenges.. and how I value them as well. Because without them I can not see how people can become better,rise to another level and succeed.
Through challenges I learn.
Through reflection and time off I gain self awareness and rekindle my passion. without it I do believe I couldn't stay true to myself.
And without knowing who you are, how can you connect with others?
How can you find people who value what you have to share?
How will you know what you actually have to share with other people.
How can you built up relationships if you dont know who you are and what you are looking for?

These questions I think everyone needs to answer for themselves. And I think it's a must that people do so.
personal relationships are in many cases the base for personal success. You need people some of the times.
We need to keep that in mind.
At least I try to...

-with love-

With questions I take on the new year!

It's the last day of this eventful year, 2010 is just around the corner and looking just as promising as this passing one has been.
It's interesting to look back and see the changes you have gone through, the challenges you have overcome, the people who empowered your life and the family who supported you.
I do feel blessed when I look back.

So many questions have come and gone through my head, questions that I have searched for answers and brought me closer to what I believe and what I stand for as a young Icelandic person.
Questions about love, lust, friends, family, education, motivation, obessesion, travels and so much more.
Some have been answered, Some still circle around my life waiting to be answered and some I dont think will ever get their answer.

These questions are my way to look forward, learn and expand my horizon.
I think each year needs to include some questions, something you search for, learn from and enjoy questioning.
Never take the status Quo.
Never accept things just because it has always been like that.
That I have learned.
It's hard, but the strong people who manage are those who leave something behind, those who live their lives proud, those who others hope they could be like. That is what I believe.

So when the new year comes along, I wish for continuous questions, hopes to learn more, enjoyment of experience and peace in being who you are.
I will continue looking for that.
Thanks for reading and happy new year

- with love -

Merry Christmas to y'all :)

It's night before Christmas eve and I'm home, in Iceland, with my family.
I've been home for few days and it feels amazing. Being with people you love and who love you.
Tomorrow comes Christmas, these special times I enjoy so much, peaceful and full of joy. People smile more but are stressed as well.
I dont feel stressed at all.
If something I feel too relaxed. Being home I have the mindset of enjoy, love and belonging.

As soon as I came home I felt the christmas spirit.
It's amazing.
Not that I didn't feel the Christmas in Copenhagen... it's just completely different when you come home, see the christmas lights and smile and hug my family.
Now Christmas can come.
I'm ready!

Christmas is one of my favorite time of the year.
I love spending time reading, eating, laughing, decorating, giving and receiving.
Seeing my family getting things they need, want and/or love.
There is something peaceful about this.
And I have been searching for peace, serenity and I feel it here.
I love it.
I wish I could hold on to it for longer.
I wish I could take it with me to Denmark.
I wish I could share it with everyone. allow them to feel what I feel during these times.

Christmas comes tomorrow, weather you like it or not.
I personally like it, I'm ready
So I wish you all merry Christmas and have the best holidays you can have with family and friends.
May the new year be the best so far.
I sincerely wish and hope this for you!
-with love-

Today I talked to God

Today I went to church. I haven't been in a church for a long time. It was peaceful as I set there and listen to the service and looked at a painting of Jesus on the wall. Peace and quiet.
I felt at ease in my soul. Something that I haven't felt in a long time.
it made me think about my late grandfather and that I miss him.
It made me think about my family and how much I love them.
It made me think about friends and how I respect them.
It made me think about issue that I thought I was over but when talking about it, it still brings pain, hurt and disapointment with it.

I haven't been to a church for long as I dont feel like that's needed in order to stay spiritual and religious.
But I have experienced that when I sit in the church, listening and just breathing slowly.. it brings serenity.
I feel,
I think,
I believe.

Today, as I sat in church listening to the service, I spoke to God.
It feels better now, somehow.
Why I'm not sure.
but it does. And that something that can't be argued.
It wasn't a long talk. But I think it was needed.
And I'm hoping that now, after I have said things "outloud" something will happen. Hopefully I will start to let go.
Let it be.
I hope so!

-with love-

Love lifts us up!

Why do we lower ourselves when it comes to love and the person we are in love with?
This question came to my mind as I heard a song by Faith Evans where she says “I’m nothing without you” You are my everything”.
I can not except that someone would think so low of him/herself.

Ok, I will accept that when you are in love with an amazing person that person impacts you, that person can make you a better person – I wouldn’t go so far to say complete as I believe that is also a lowering statement.
The right person can have influence, can support you, and can lighten up your life in so many ways. But is it then right to say you are nothing without that person?
There must have been something there for this amazing person to fall in love with you to begin with?
Why would you imply that you are worth nothing by being alone?

Maybe the reason people make these statements is the fact that when this person, this individual who impacted you in so many ways, leaves your life you become “normal” again? And now you are used to be this lifted, inspired person who someone loved, so this feeling of being left without that is not wanted.
Going back to your old self then doesn’t feel right. And I agree, you shouldn’t go back to your old self. You take this learning, this experience of being this person and you develop your new self. But you are always something. You can even become more if you want to.

Saying you are nothing is of course being extremely romantic and I do realize that songs are playing with emotions and that’s why this sentence is there. But it just struck me now as I heard it tonight.

Love is a great thing. Being in love is even better. I wish that feeling to everyone. But what I wish more than that is that people love themselves and understand that they are someone. And that being in love only takes them to another level of their awesomeness. I always try to keep that in mind. It’s hard, but it’s so much worth it in the end.

-with love-