the book that should be open - people!

I sometimes find myself wonder why it can be so challenging to read people, understand their motives and therefore prevent being hurt later on in the communications and/or relationship.
I do believe I'm a bit naive when it comes to this matter, but I also want to believe that I'm learning.. but sometimes it doesnt really look and feel like I am.

Being a woman, I'm aware that females often overinterpret behaviors, words and signs. I'm fully aware of that. But somehow, when the signs are just SO DAMN clear but the behaviour doesnt support them I get confused. I doubt and wonder.
Its hard enough to get to know people without all these games, rules, lies, bluffs and whatnot. I'm just not able to play at the same level as some people do.
And because of that I suffer, I misread people and I feel I've been let on and then let down.

I'm fully aware that I want to believe the best in people but I also have had the experience that it's hard to see or get to know people that well that they are willing to show you their best.
they, instead, have this mask on, that is attached with behaviour that is built on defense and blocking. Although they deep down might want to share, open up and the signs are there - it's just hard to break old habits, to unmask and stand there vulnerable.
But I sometimes feel I'm the only one that tries to take her mask of ( I dont intend to say I'm the only one without a mask - I know that's not true ).

I just want to be able to read people, understand their behaviours and live my life without being hurt, being let down and walked all over.
I hope, I sure do, that it comes with time and practice, experience and wisdom.
- with love -

So you think you can dance????

I had a very intersting conversation with a friend the other day.. and it just came to me again today as this day has been a little more complicated than days before.
the conversation was about living life as it was a dance. it brings twists and turns, backsteps, front steps, jumps and twirls. And when you dance with others it brings you more joy than you could have imagine.

However, just like dancing, you need to practice. Otherwise you will not be able to dance with others, you stay off balance and your rythm is not right.

Life is like that. what we do now, this hard, complicated, confused time of our life is our practice. We are getting ready to do the dance we so desperatly want to dance sooner rather than later.
today is a hard day of practice. I'm realizing that I allow people to dance with me that have no intention to help me grow as a dancer, no intention to stay with me the whole practice and be my partner in crime while dancing.. and when I find out I become sad. I start to doubt myself. I feel little.
So even though I've been pracicing for years now and my dance is slowly coming together.. I find myself wondering if Im pracicing the wrong dance.

How can I be sure Im supposed to be dancing a salsa and not a wals?
these are just few thoughts Im having...
-with love and dance-

with life full of teachers

Although I have not been writing this passed month it's not because of lack of topics, low energy or few thoughts in my head.. on the contrary.. there has just been lack of time to put them into words and post them here.

I love learning from others, I seek out people, I ask questions, I enjoy being inspired by amazing people. and often I know where to look for answers to my questions, who to speak to to become inspired, what to do to learn.
But sometimes my AHA moments, those moments when I'm learning something unexpected, something I feel so important, come when I least expect them to arrive - from people I did not expect to be so insightful. and the beauty of it, they're not even trying to be, they just are at this moment. what they are saying hits home and my AHA moment arrives.

This happened to me this summer when two people, one very close to me and one who used to be very close to me, just in a converstation said something that left a foodprint in my mind, hit a nerve, something about this random conversation had a hidden message for me... without them knowing it.
this made me think and reflect on myself, my behaviour and my ideas about myself.
it was so interesting.

And the most interesting part was that these people, these unexpected "teachers" dont know it.
This summer gave me some material to reflect on myself but with this post I wanted to remind people that we can learn from everyone - we all have insights, experiences, feelings that we can share, inspire with and also teach.
Dont judge the book by it's cover if you really want to learn, reflect, grow.
allow your mind to be open to the "magic words" from all around. Not just from those directions you expect them to arrive from.
You will be amazed by the insight into peoples life and the AHA moments that insight can and will bring.
allow yourself to learn from everyone..
and people will be able to learn from you as well.

I'm facinated, I'm ready to learn
- with love -

Rollercoster of life!

these past few days have been hard, strange but with hint of happiness..
I haven't been able to formulate my thoughts, my feelings as this week is coming to an end. Sometimes when life takes on those bigger rollercoster rides your head keeps spinning as you dont take the time to digest your emotions.. you dont feel the whole experience, you stay numb. or at least I feel sometimes like that.

But it is hard to keep up with rollercoster of emotions, feelings, frustrations, happiness... and therefore I'm afraid I dont take as much out of it as I can.. as I want.
I need to be more active in asking questions, digging deeper and analyse myself.. specially in rollercosters, as those moments might showcase the most who I am, how I react and where my points of improvements are.
Not everyone thinks of these things.
I haven't for a long time but I want to start thinking again..
to be better,
to be happier,
to be healthier.

but how can I do this?
Where and how to start?
I will look into this and hope for the best... as I have never been a huge rollercoster fan ;)
- with love -

to tell or not to tell - where is the line?

it's interesting how you always think afterwards about things you should have said. Specially in situations when the outcome was negative.
Sometimes you wonder if you were too harsh, sometimes you wish you had said how you really feel.. but sometimes you know you were right, but it still feels bad, strange, empty.
Why is that?
why do we sometimes wish we hadn't said how we felt, knowing we had the right to share that, inform the person about it, in order to have clear and honest communications?
Why do we always think of how others feel about how we feel?

Of course it's not good to be rude, but if you feel like saying it, you think it will help in communications and clear the air, then my opinion is TELL IT.
But be able to explain your reasons, your arguments for doing so!
I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one feeling like this!

decisions decisions decisions!

Some decisions are easier than others, and some are breeze to make. it's those hard ones that really question myself on how well I know me and what I want in life.
It's hard when you feel the need to make decisions that you are not 100% sure you wanna make but you can feel the need for them anyway.
But these decisions are those that shape our lives in many cases.

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. ~Roy Disney

This statement is speaking to me now,
I have worked very hard to become who I am today.. someone I'm proud of, someone with good values and someone who loves life.
By knowing what I want, what I value, should help me in my decision making.
But sometimes it's hard to see clearly.
Take for example Love.
I have been in love... and I wish to experience that feeling again as it is wonderful.
However, I seem to keep holding on to something/someone that reminds me of that past, that feeling, that love.
But in order to stay true to my values I need to let go, start to open up again, and not sell myself short/undermining my worth.
But its hard.
But as this statement shows, If I want to show my worth to others I have to believe it myself and walk the talk.
And that walk usually starts with hard decisions.
So make it!

And I have, or I believe and feel I have.
Lets see if I stand by it and dont sell myself out but stay strong!
- with love -

Social construction influenced by music!

Today I was sitting in the Metro on my way to the airport to meet a dear friend. She had a very short layover at the Copenhagen airport.
as always, while travelling I had my iPod on and a song came on that made me think a little..
The song is called Call my name with a band called Third Day.
I found the song and I want to share it with you here.. maybe you take some learning out of it as I did today - or more as thoughts rather than learnings.



In my current studies I have learned that words, stories and discourses can carry a lot of meaning with them.. something we can make sense out of and I'm starting to apply this approach to my songs as well. Many songs have meaning, we just need to dig deeper and find what meaning we put into it.
In the song above there were sentences like;
- Its been so long since you felt like you were loved
-What went wrong?
-When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
-and it seems like no one in this whole world cares
-

I construct my own social reality and create a meaning of this... where I connect with these sad words, sad reality. but understand that there might be someone who actually cares.. who wants me to call their names.
So even if the reality around me feels unbearable, I'm sad and alone, my friends are far away and not always there.. I just need to stretch my hand, make a phonecall, send an e-mail, facebook message or even skype them and my reality changes as people bring in their reality to mine and construct a new, more positive, happy place where I want to be.
Load of crap maybe.. but in my reality, this all makes sense!! :)

- with love -