value in friendship!

Time flies fast these days, it's already end of another month and things change accordingly to speed. The weather, people, attitude, hair styles and you name it.

On this last day of March I got to think about friendship and what that word means to me. I have often thought about and written here about friendship and how lucky I believe I am having chosen the friends I have today.

What came to my mind is that sometimes I feel I have better friends than I am to them. My friends have done so many things that mean the world to me, been there in times of need, shared with me, laughed with me, cried with me and taken me as who I am. I wonder if I am as good to them as they are to me.
I sure hope so.

I think I sometimes take friends for granted. imagine they will be there no matter what so I am not sure if I put as much energy in growing friendship as I should be.

Are we, as people, normally aware of how much we actually appreciate people in our lives?
Do we give them the credit they deserve?
Do we show them the respect, support and love they deserve as friends?

I hope I do.
Because friendship is one of those most important values I have. I just realized this.
I have always valued family relations. I love my family.
And though I have always tried to be the best friend I can, I feel as I write this that I need to be aware that friendship is also part of my family value.
I need to live up to my values.
I am glad that I realized this.
From now on I hope to live up to my friends expectations, giving them the respect and support they need/want.

I want to grow my friendship, my relationships with family, my network.
Those who mean something to me.

- with love -

my heart says one thing, my head doesnt agree!

How come it's so easy to say you will let go of things that aren't working, things that dont belong any longer, things which dont care for you as they used to but it's SO hard to actually let go?

How can you get your heart agree with what your head has decided?

Maybe we all hope deep down inside that you dont really have to let go to something that was part of your life and in a way still is.
Maybe you are scared to get back out there and finding those that work for you, who care, who are willing to be in your life?
Maybe we actually think we have let go, and try to ignore the fact that it's not true?
maybe we are lying to yourselves and we dont want to admit to it?

How can I make my heart agree with my head?
How can I make sure that I'm not lying to myself, that I actually let go.
I want to be able to stop wondering and just let it be.

Why is life so complicated?

Actually, just as I wrote this sentence here above I realize... life isnt complicated. I just make it like that because I take part in games being played instead of being sure of myself, letting the games pass me by and stay strong.
I am making myself feeling so bad, no one else.
Its me who is not letting go.
And I know I need to.
I need help in doing so.
But I'm too scared to search for it. Who to trust? who actually can help me?
oh man.. why do I do this to myself?
Why do we complicate our lives?
What do we think we are gaining?
Loved ones?
feelings of hope?
Future with smiles?

I dont think so!

- with love -

spring is in the air!

The spring is finally here in Copenhagen and it just lifts up my spirit.
with uplifted spirit my mind starts wandering again. Now I'm back to my potential startups and ideas related to that.
I am finding my passion again but it's sad, it's not coming when needed related to my studies.
I need to get refreshed, I need to keep focus this end point of this project. I need to stay on path.
It's hard when you are not motivated.

This weekend comes with hope of work, relaxation, smiles and joy.
I will try to use those valuable things in my life to build up motivation, to strive for getting through the current tasks and smiling towards the future that is just around the corner.

I can not wait for the next month to take over with it's sunshine, birdsongs, smiles, easter and family meetings.
Another motivational booster for me. and hopefully I use it wisely.

-with love-

Smiles and joy brought by the spring - finally!

The other day I was walking home after saying goodbye to a dear friend. I was listening to nice songs by Ourlives in the iPod and as I was walking my street back to my apartment I cought myself smiling. I was feeling happy and it was a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time.
It was so nice.
It felt like a scene from the movies as the perfect music was playing and I realized that I'm so lucky.
I have great friends, amazing family, I live in a great city and it's spring time. What more can I ask for.
So I smiled.
And I felt good.

Its strange how low you can get, feeling sad and homesick, needing some people around but still not feeling too sociable. I hate when I sink to that level. It's so energy draining and I just feel emty.
But the beauty of it is how little it actually take to get back to my normal self. great conversations with friends, smiles from family members, nice words from people around and being part of people's happiness. That's the best step in crawling from my own misery.
When I start feeling happy again, I notice that life is good.. although not everything is as perfect as it could be.. I'm a lucky girl.
I need to remember it.
I need to share it.
I need to embrace it.

So as I still work through my feelings I try to smile more, I try to engage in conversations more, being more social and just loving life and spring in Copenhagen.

I hope everyone finds their way out of misery, because everyone deals with misery at some time in their lives.
It's the path to happiness that is worth it all.

- with love -

guilty mind leads to hard feelings

It's strange how my mind and thoughts work, the lack of balance and the feelings that I bring.
I get a guilty conscience whenever I spend money on myself with friends and just having a good day but I have no problem thinking about spending hell of a lot of money on "silly" things like tattoo's.
Why is that?

why can I be so senseble in some areas, but not so much in others?
Where do I draw the line?
Where is my balance?

I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but I am in search of something.
trying to reach out and find some answers.
Hoping you, who reads this, can give me some idea.

So search for a balance, in different corners, behind doors I hope to find it. To not feel guilty when not needed and thinking twice when it's needed.
- with love -