love - what does it mean to you?

Yesterday I went to the movies to see a movie called 'Precious'. It was a heartbreaking movie about an issue that for me seemed to be kept a secret but obviously is happening and people need to be aware.

It got me thinking of how good people have it and still complain. Of course some people complain and they have something to complain about. Those that have the most 'right' to complain leave it be.. due to some reasons. guilt, shame, anger... I do not know.

What was so hard for me, watching this movie, is the relationship between a mother and a daughter was a complete hell for both of them. The daughter never stood a chance.
How can you, as a parent, treat your flesh and blood like this?
even, how can you treat any person in your life like this?
Where does the selfishness comes from?

I know, I can be selfish, thinking of what's best for me but never until now have I taken any actions that would benefit me but hurt others. Not deliberately at least.

For me, the relationship with my parents is what makes me who I am today.
Their love, support, understanding...
their rules, their humour, their values.
And if/when I become a parent I hope I build a relationship with my child/children where they dont feel like the person in 'Precious'. They will never doubt my love and mistake selfishness and hurt as love on my behalf.
I will try to make sure that will never happen.
It shouldn't happen.

That's why this movie was an eye opener.. this is happening all over the world.
Children do not know love.
And believe that what is happening is what they deserve.
I am thankful for this movie in a sence it opened my eyes, it made me think of my values, my relationships and what I mean by love.
for that I'm grateful.
But man, oh man, was that a difficult movie to watch.

-with love-

being at home is good and bad

Now when February is ending it's still freezing cold in Denmark and signs of spring are far away.
It's been a cold winter, a unique winter. I hope next winter wont be so cold and snowy.

For few days there has been a little sunlight sparkling through the gray and dull clouds in Copenhagen. Even those little sparkles bring some warmth with them, they bring joy and even some smiles on people around me. Including myself.

This past week has both been good and full of not so good news for me.
It's interesting to realize how balanced life can be.
You win some - you learn some.
And yes, I choose learn instead of loose. As I dont believe you ever loose if you have the attitude of learning from challenges.

Not so good news bring me down, kindles a little homesickness and leaves me tired and frustrated.
Good news bring me back to life, soften my homesickness and increase motivation and happiness.
Weeks varies. happiness, sadness, smiles and frowns.
It happens for everyone.. it's those who actually make the bright side win over the darker, sader site.
I want to be one of those.
That's why I focus more on the good news, and plan on enjoying the city with my friends and family that are coming to visit me these next weeks.

Copenhagen is becoming a home. Home has good and bad times.
Good times with friends will make me feel at home.

- with love -

who am I?

standing in the kitchen, just finished the lasagne and it's now in the oven.
There is one thing that is circling around my head. Actually that's a lie. There are so many things going on in this little head of mine. I just can not stop it.
What I mean is that there is a thing that has been more active today then regularly.

Why do I bother having a blog?
I have been reading friends blogs these past days and they are so good pens. They always choose a topic that is showing inside into the topic, sharing knowledge and just being plain inspirational.
I love that about them.

Mine is not that type of blog. and I started to think why not? Why did I choose to make mine so personal, where I share my thoughts more then knowledge?
I think I have knowledge to share.

When I think of it, my reasons are most likely these:
- I have so many questions of my own, things I need to understand and I want to contemplate about. issues others can share with me and I want to offer this opportunity to do so.
I feel this blog is not my platform to inform but more as a platform to grow.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts even though I dont get any feedback on them.
Putting things into words, makes me smarter, more knowledgeable and potentially more able to inform later on in life.
It's just not that time for me yet.
It will be :)

- with love -

Why not be yourself?

I just finished a little questionaire for a job I'm applying for and it made me think a little.
this is the second time in few months where I have gotten positive answers based on my experience, what I have done and what I have to offer.
It feels amazing.

what came to my mind is how often we feel small, little and not worthy of good things.
I have felt the same and that's why it's so important that when you finally get a confirmation that what you are doing is great, is impressive to others and you have something to give, that we embrace it. We dont just disgard it but smile and say THANK YOU! YES I AM!
But its harder then just saying it. It takes mindset changes that can happen with one step at a time.

It was just something that hit me this evening. Something that I keep forgetting as I sink back to ordinary and plain where self-believe and confidence is not cool. Not looked good upon.
Why I dont understand.. how great would it be if you can embrace your greatness without feeling selfish, cocky or stupid?
Well, I'm sure gonna keep on trying to embrace my awesomeness and support others in embracing theirs.

- with love -

I am winter - fading away

This week, after going through some personal stuff, I feel I'm finally getting on the right role.
I'm starting to be organized again, I'm listening to music, I'm talking to friends and I think I'm smiling more.
It was about time I just say.

But I also think the weather here in Denmark is affecting my feelings. It's all so gray and dull and it keeps on snowing like I dont know what.
For me, this should be the time when the country starts to brighten up a little, green leaves around and people biking more.
but that's not happening as the winter holds on with every breath that it has to stay. And so far it's been stronger then the spring.
I personally hope, Mr. Winter starts to loose the power, starts to let go and accept the fact that spring has to come with it's birdsinging, green color and smiling people.
I can not wait.

But I personally, think I'm behaving like winter.
I'm holding on to something, some image of perfection, and I do not accept that it's time to let it go. Spring has to come with new images, with new connections for me and I need to embrace it.
I think that my power is starting to fade though as I start to feel this fact, that this image is not perfect. That the perfect image is out there somewhere.
I just need to let go, search and keep my arms open for it.
So I'm being winter at this moment,
trying to keep alive something that is destined to fade away.

so as winter slips away, I hope my image slips away with it.
-with love-

be or not to be - my valentine!

I'm currently sitting at my friends place and spending some time with my computer.

Tomorrow is Valentines day, a day I do not celebrate and think is such a fake holiday. But of course it affects me as my society has adopted this day, make it relevant and supports people to believe it's the only day to show and express love.
How sad is that?
Or at least I believe so..

One year ago I was in Paris and I wrote a little text about this holiday as well then.

What I was writing then was that for me this day is not only about Love as in romantic love. It's about love between the people you cheerish, the ones you want to have a strong relationship with and those that you want to show you love.
But in order for this to happen you can not use only one day - you have to be concistant in showing your love, being in love and make sure your love doesnt dissapear. One day is not solving anything.
Of course I know the day was not meant to solve anything in that sence, but it was purely made to gain some money of those who believe that this is the occation where you can have a free pass in showing love.
That's why I say "how Sad is that?"

- How sad is that people need a special day to show love!
- How sad is that for someone to gain money in order for you to be able to show your love?
- How sad is that, that we as people, think this is fine behavior?

now I might sound as coldhearted bitch who doesn't believe in love.
Those who know me know that's not the case.
I'm a big fan of love.
But I also have clear ideas of what I believe to be love..and what for me is just a random act of greed, sadness or desperate behavior.
I prefer to be true to myself then to someone else's thoughts.

I love LOVE.
But I try to express it every day, with those who deserve my love.
I try to strengthen all relationships I do not want to see lost.
I step out and smile to those who mean the most to me, making sure they know they are in my life.
That for me is what valentines day should be about.
that kind of love.
And it should be every day!!

- with love-