When expectations are unclear.. things break down!

Few weeks ago I had written a post here which I was extremely happy with. It had a clear message I am starting to realize and I wanted to share it with those, if any, read my thoughts at this blog.
But by being a little technically challenged, the post didnt save and was therefore deleted.. to my disappointment and frustration, and I left it like that.

However, this topic is coming more up in conversations with other and I'm finding it more and more relevant issue to keep in mind. And therefore I'm going to give it ago again.. hoping this time it will be successful and be as good as I want it to be.

The topic I want to give my thoughts about, it the topic of expectations towards others, be it within a romantic relationship, with family members, friends or co-workers, just to name few relationships this affects.
It has become more clear to me that I have certain expectations towards those I keep in my life, and when those expectations aren't met, I become frustrated or even angry. I have been let down.
The other day I was thinking this from another point of view.. "how can this person behave like this, when she hasn't made her expectations toward our relationship clear? what gives her the right?" and I become frustrated by this persons behavior.
One of the things I try to do is to reflect on issues that make me, e.g. frustrated. So I set down and started thinking about my behavior and why she might have felt the need to behave so irrationally. And I realized that  she has set some unspoken expectations towards our relationship, just like I had done towards her. But neither one has mentioned what we expect from each other, how we interact with each other and how to go forward in this relationship. And that made me think even further. I do this in most all relationships. I enter a relationship without clearing it with the other person what I am expecting, what I am "investing" into this relationship.
But when expectations are unspoken they are impossible to be met. So frustration is highly likely to take place at one point or another in the relationship. But we do not understand why this frustration takes place.. because we do not realize that the other person is not able to fulfill expectation s/he are unaware of.

And it lead me to think about another thing.. in a relationship people come with more than expectations. We come with different backgrounds, different levels of intimacy and behavior. But I, automatically when starting a relationship, expect the level of every aspect involved to be at my standards, to be based on my expectations. And that is just not fair when two people come and create a relationship. I had never thought about this before, and for me it was so normal that things would be done after my preferences. Thats just how it goes.. but that is not it!
The other person has just as much right as you to have things based on their preferences. But we never think about these things (now I'm generalizing A LOT)  when we start a new relationship of any kind.

These reflections were an eyeopener, and to be honest, they made me adjust my thinking in some of my relationships (yes, I'm still working on this) and I swear.. those relationships have improved and I can notice both parties being so much more happier and at ease, because now both are giving and receiving.

I just wanted to share this.. as I believe way too many of us do not think about these things and when we get frustrated we believe the other person has let us down (when they dont know how not to do so, because we havent told them) and it can ruin the best of relationship in the long run. In stead, we are able to realize that everyone has expectations, discuss them and find a common ground. Then, I believe, many more friendships, business relationship and romantic relationships will last longer and become stronger (wow this rhymes).
That is what I wish for us all :) because our lives are built up from different relationships. We cannot be without them.

All the best and with love

You are angry, I ignore you!

I am realizing more and more that people have a hard time talking to each other. It is easier to just get angry, get sad, get annoyed and ignore the issue.. leaving a hole between people. Sometimes the others do not understand why that is.. and become annoyed themselves. vicious circle that no one seems interested in breaking.

I wish that I would become better in talking, sharing my feelings and not allow others negative emotions affect me so hard. Because in most cases I didnt do something wrong, it is just they being annoyed and me not knowing why.
But still, I am left without a feeling of "why" and all I feel is "what did I do wrong?"
That feeling is one of the worst ones I believe we can have in a relationship with others. Because it leaves us insecure, and when we are insecure we feel bad, and when we feel bad our relationships are affected (not only with those we are having a disagreement/annoyance with, but all relationships and communications with people).

I do not know how to "fix" this, if it is at all possible. But all I can do is just tell what I am thinking and feeling, even if others do not want to hear it, and when others ignore me, are angry at me and I dont know why - I will let them be.
I will try hard to not waste energy on these people. Because I dont have enough energy to spend on people who just want to suck it away and not give anything back.

Just wanted to share my thoughts on this cold saturday morning..
-with love-

your most important everything!

We all need someone to hold us when we are sad, to cheer us when we are lonely, to stand by us when we are having a fight. We rely on your family, your friends, your partner, to be there when you most need them.
But what do you do when it is one of these people you are fighting with?
What happens to you when one foundation to your support network is breaking?
What is the right (if there is any) thing to do, to say, to think, not to do?

I have had fights with my family, me and my dad sometimes get along like oil and water.. but we always leave those fights in a term where we can still end in a positive note.
I have fought with my boyfriend but the love is stronger than the anger so we want to sit down and discuss and build stronger relationship.
I have fought with friends, about issues that for me were important but for them were non-existing. But again.. the feeling of support, love and respect is overpowering so the fight only makes my relationships stronger.
We all have different opinions, we sometimes say things without thinking it through. We have our bad days and we have our good days. We have situations in our life where we are helpless and we might take it out on those we believe are not standing besides us (even if they in reality are and we are just to blind to see it).
But it is what we do after those fights, after those words of anger and hurt have been said, that determines where we go from there. Are we going to make sure our support network becomes stronger after such a low  and hurtful time in our lives, or are we going to stay "proud" and make sure no one ever messes with you again?
And if you choose the second one? what are you gaining? Yeah you might be right, you are gaining your self respect as you stood your ground, and didnt take no crap from no one. But is that worth leaving a gap in a network that has followed you through thick and thin in your past, that have been there when you needed help, or you have cried and laughed with in their time of need?
Sometimes I think we have to be clear what is the most important thing in our world, and sometimes we dont see it so easily.
But hey, the most important thing in the world for you might be completely different than what I consider the most important. But all I ask is that you do not allow your ego to take over and ruin the good thing you have already spent years and years building!
Just a small wondering thought on a Friday night.

-with love-

Bring on the new year!

Today is the last day of the year 2012, a year that was full of smiles, love and laughter, tears, frustrations and irritations. But what stands out from all the events of the year, my interactions with people and the learning i take from the year, is my confirmation of a strong family and friends, my ability to love again and my path re-established. That is the most important things that happen for me this  year, and that is amazing.

As the new year enters, I am confident it will be full of love, excitement, and joyful events as well as challenging aspects and hard times. Then it comes handy to have a strong family and a supportive boyfriend.

I do not want to spend too much time writing here, I want to head on out and spend time with my family and celebrate with them this new year and honor those who have left us and love those who are with us.
I wish for everyone, a year full of love and joy, and success in the path that you have chosen!
I wish you cherish your family, stay loyal to your friends and they stay loyal to you.
I wish you to have courage to follow through with your dreams, hopes and love.
I wish you to reach your goals and your aspirations.
I wish for challenges you will overcome, alone or with help of friends and/or family.

I wish this as well for me, as I enter the new year full of unexpected adventures.
I know I will make the most of them with love, honesty and hard work.
Bring it on!!

-with love-

Interpretations of love

Why is it that when women (yes I know I'm generalizing) are in love they also become overly interpretive? Why do we become so insecure? Why do we doubt everything and everyone good in our life?
I keep wondering about this as I feel i'm trying to interpret every little thing, and in a more of a negative way than in a good way.
Every small remark, action, lack of action becomes a little note in my head, and I over analyse it to "understand" what he actually meant by this.
Why do I do that?

I believe its good to understand behaviors of your significant other, but when it becomes such an over analysis and negative interpretations it is nothing more than a hinder to the relationship.
And I know that.. but I cannot stop interpreting and doubting. That only leaves me hurting because he does not mean the things I've created in my mind, with his actions.

I wish I could just stop interpret and over analyse.
It is not so simple, because my "research" has shown that I am not the only woman in a relationship that does these things. So maybe it is a female thing..
but then, how can we overcome it and make sure we enjoy the love and the relationship we are in?

just a question, would love to have an answer to it but I doubt I will.

- with love -

I feel like snow... my romance in life!

It is amazing how much the weather affects our emotions. When its raining and dark outside, we are more likely to be in a sadder mood, feeling blue and heavy and even close to depression. And when the sun is shining our spirit lifts up and we enjoy life.

But I have noticed that my emotions also "affect" the weather. What do I mean by this?
I mean, when I am sad, no matter how the weather is, it feels dark and cold. The snow falling is uncomfortable and bothering, its freezing outside and so on. But when I'm happy, life becomes so much better. even if it is dark outside.. I try to look up and see the stars. When its snowing I feel it is romantic and rain is peaceful.
So I mean what I say, its not only the weather that affects our emotions. Our emotions are strong enough to affect our interpretation of the weather, and how we tackle each day at a time.

Why did I want to write this?
Well, I dont think we are aware of our own power to make life hard or lively. Being aware how your emotions color the world you live in, is important as you might try to balance emotions, limit the drama around you and stay focused and optimistic as much as you can.
Then the hardness in life is likelier to become less hard, could be romantic even. If we just allow it to be so.

That was just my message this time.
Be aware of your feelings and how they affect your day, your relationship with others and the weather ;)

-with love-

Birds of feather flock together? is that healthy?

I've started to think a lot about differences in opinion, when too much difference starts affecting relationships (or does it at all) and are opinions build on valuable foundations or not so much (if I can say so).

I know a person who has political opinions and views that are so far from my own, but I enjoy listening to his  point of view, discussing issues with him and challenging his views based on my own opinions. But I have been thinking a lot lately about the future and how our opinions and political views can impact our relationship, will it be a challenge? Because the people we associate the most with are the people with similar worldviews as you do, right? Will they be as open minded as I am to discuss and argue and listen and acknowledge?
I want to believe so. But i think it is an interesting thought.
I do not know a lot of couples who have total opposite political views.
I do not know a lot of best friends who do not agree on issues.
of course, no one has exactly the same ideas and views (if so, that it is not their own in my opinion). But I still think people flock to like-minded people.
Or am I wrong?
I dont know any politicians who married someone from the opposition, not here in the western world, or in other country (fair enough I havent done an extensive research).
But if we only associate with those who are similar to ourselves, with similar views and believes, will we ever learn, will we ever challenge our thoughts only to make them stronger or find new paths to believe in?
And isnt that a challenge for our world?
Does that not just lead to impatience and intolerance ?

I dont know.. but that is my opinion.
I would like to hear yours!

- with love -