Life is full of questions - I dare to ask them and hope for answers.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Having a crush is tough!

I am sitting in the living room looking out the window, listening to music and thinking.
What comes to mind is not the parties I have been invited to tonight nor Facebook although it's open as well.
What I'm thinking about is me, my behavior when I like someone and if I actually like the person or if it's just being smitten.

When I like someone I always feel so insecure, I'm too aware of myself and I'm afraid of overdoing things.
it's ironic, the song currently playing is called "everybody's got the right to love" by The supremes.
The reason I find this ironic is because I personally am not so sure this sentence belongs to me. I sometimes do wonder.

Ok, this is a little dramatic, I know. it's just one of these nights where drama is crawling all over my thoughts and I have to get it out one way or another.
So what is the reason behind my drama and 'deep' thoughts tonight?

Well, honestly, the reason is that I'm afraid I might be falling for someone. :s
I do not like situations where I feel so uncomfortable and I have no control to influence the situation I'm in.
I dont like falling.

This is such a paradox when I think about it.
I dont like falling for someone, the feeling of being insecure, trying to show my worth. It makes me uncomfortable. Feeling like I'm constantly competing when I'm not.
But I do like the feeling when I'm over these fears and obstacles and I can think positively about this guy. When I can just enjoy the smart things he does and says.

These next days will be interesting.
Will I continue feeling uncomfortable and therefore fight against my potential crush OR will I look the other way and start feeling positive about the situation?

I think people should look at it as a blessing to find someone they connect on this level, where a crush and more are potential.
So why cant I look at it like that as well?
I will try!

- with love and potential crush -


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日月神教-任我行 said...