Selfishness on all levels :s

when you find out that all your hard work, sleepless nights, blood, sweat and tears haven't been successful it's like a slap in your face. All your wind is out, energy is low and you feel bad.
Not bad for your little success but because even though you gave it your all - it still wasn't good enough.
Your self-esteem takes a hit and you wonder.. why am I bothering since my best is not good enough?

I'm feeling like this now..
But also what comes to mind is "if at first you dont succeed - try again".
I dont know why this is hitting me so hard today.
Maybe because I know I gave it my all and therefore I'm not going to become better. If I didn't understand and do better - what implies I will do better next time?

I think the reason why I get so sad is because I feel sorry for myself.
Instead of taking this and roll with it, making my mind on doing better I stop and be sad, feel sorry for myself and believe I deserve it.
But I dont.
I did my best and obiously it wasn't what was needed.

So why do I keep feeling sorry for myself?
Why do people do that?
Well, I have always believed that we are selfish creatures with focus on our best benefits, our best solution and our rights - weather it's actually right or not!
I think this is showing a little my selfishness.
So I better stop.

I know it's hard to get less recognition from a hard work than you expected.
I have experienced it.
I know that people demand what they believe they deserve.
I have done the same.

But those feelings will not bring me better results next time.
So I better stop and do.
Do the best I can and just cross my finger and hope it's the right thing to do at that point in time.
It's all I can do.
That and stop my selfishness!

-with love-