My new years wishes and thoughts for 2012!

Today, this last day of the year 2011, a lot of things are passing through my thoughts, some have been longer than others and I feel they maybe worth discussing here.

One of the thoughts I've been having is the topic of priorities and friends.
We all love having friends, they mean a lot to us and we try to be there for them in their times of joy and sorrow. But we also expect them to try the same.
For me, that is the "role" of being a friend.

So what happens when friends "break" that role? the idea that you have of the friendship?
Personally, it takes a lot for me to exclude people that mean a lot to me. But when I feel strongly about the prioritation, the "breaking" of friendship, the lack of being there in times of joy (dont get me wrong, I understand if people have important things, hard things to attend to, other plans or are feeling under the weather) it hurts me. It takes a lot to make me feel hurt.
So my reaction is to disconnect.

Maybe, when you read this you think "what the h***" and fair enough. I think about this often because it hurts when I disconnect from people. I dont take it lightly.
But when you feel the friendship is broken, what is the right way to handle it? how to behave?
Are these even right questions to be asking?

I think, for me, I try to not take my friendship for granted. just like any relationship they require work. And for most of the time I'm happy to do that work. But when you feel the other part is not doing the same "amount" of work you start to wonder. And it is this wondering that makes me disconnecting.

But this sad thought is not the only thought that I'm taking with my into the new year.
I try my best to stay positive, to think about the good things in life because there are many around me and I try to learn more, both about friends, family and myself.
that makes me happy.

The other day I was sitting in a bus, looking out the window with good music in my ear and I start smiling. The moment made me feel good. I was sitting and watching the snow that had fallen during the day, how it made the surrounding even more beautiful than before and I started feeling happy being home with my family.
When I exited the bus and started walking towards the meeting point where I was meeting two good friends the weather was cold but still, the snow made the evening bright and I felt relaxed, I felt at peace and I felt hopeful.

Where I'm going with this thought is that I dont expect others to create my happiness, to make me feel blessed. I can only do that myself.
And in order to do so I have to appreciate every good thing around me. And notice that life is full of beautiful moments, people and events. I just have to be open for them.
And this thought, this feeling from the bus ride and the walk made me realize this.
I started smiling more, and when I do so I feel even better.
And I make others around me feel better.
And then life is good.
isnt it?

Well, these were two very different but important thoughts for me I wanted to share with you, if anyone is reading, and hope to take the awareness with me into the new year.
By doing so I'm hoping for even better 2012 where joy and satisfaction take over fear and sadness.
I wish you a great new year, believe in yourself and be aware that you make your own success and happiness.
Happy new year 2012!

When the person fits dont let him/her slip away.

It is not that often that I meet a person that I really connect with, I find funny and smart and when I leave I wanna meet that person soon again.
No it is not that often that people leave such a strong impression on me.

So when that happens, how hard should I fight to make sure these people stay in my life?
I work hard to make sure my friends, the ones that I do know mean a lot to me, stay in my life.
but when it is a new person, someone you might not really know but you wanna get to know, someone you have no connection to exept for the connection made when you met, someone who made you feel something, when does that person deserve some fight to stay in my life as well?

Earlier this year I wrote a post about having nothing to lose. And in this sense I do not have anything to lose. Building up a new connection can be hard, can be scary and can make you shy. But you're only trying to connect to another person.
If you dont step on anyones toes to bridge the gap, then you do not have anything to lose, but everything to gain.

then why am I so shy about it?
Why am I so timid and scared of showing others that I like someone?
do others really care?
I mean, do they care that you are reaching out to someone.. do people not just admire others that know what they want and try to reach out to someone they like?
Oh I dont know.. but something about this process is making my extremely shy, but I do not want to give up.
It is making my questioning myself, but I do not want to give up.

When a person is really special.. the process of finding him/her might be the best learning experience you can go throught.
I'm at least going to try to think about it that way.
and keep on reaching out, finding special people, people that make me feel special as well.

- with love -

what is your hard work worth? worth the life you live?

I'm reading a very interesting book, called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer.
When starting to read the book I wasnt so sure I liked the writing style. It is so different from what you are used to.
But the further I get into the book, the more I read the more facinating it becomes.

The story is very interesting, but what keeps me reading is the interesting questions the characters are asking themselves and others in the book.. they are asking questions we all ask ourselves but put in a way that the reader doesnt have to think about them if he's not in that place. but if he is, then each question sticks out for you to reflect on.
or at least that is how I'm interpret the book, that is my process of reading it.

At one place in the book, the main character is wondering If life was worth all the work it took to live. what exactly made it worth it?

throughout all the questions, the sentences that struck something while I was reading, this one made me stop, read it over again and mark it.
And I wonder why?

And my thoughts came back to my life and the way I live it. I does take hard work to live life. to be the person you want to be, to experience everything life offers. Its hard to keep up with work, with love, with friends, with family, with the outside world, the inside feelings.
life is hard.. for all of us, no matter how good you have it. You have to work for who you are and who you want to be.

What makes it worth it?
why do we do this work?

My guess, because we dont know anything else.
We have ideas and goals, places to see, people to meet, successes to achieve.
and it takes work.
but when you have them. when people are in your life and you reach your goals you just feel it. the satisfaction of doing the best you could. no matter how hard it was.
but for some it doesnt last.
A new goal, new people, new places replace the previous and life becomes hard work again..

This is just my guess..
made from my interpretations..
from my experiences..

but i do think many people would agree to some point.
Or at least I hope so :)

- with love and hard work -

I share my thoughts, would you like to share yours?

I know this blog is not the most popular one out there, and honestly I'm glad it isnt. I share a lot of personal thoughts and issues and if people randomly find their way here and potentially like what they read, I'm glad.

This blog makes me reflect on me, my situations and my thoughts and actions. I feel it's needed and I hope some people benefit from the questions I ask. maybe it helps someone to start a reflection process, and then the purpose of this blog is fulfilled.

but even though this blog is not popular, I still see I get few views.
And just for the sake of knowing someone is reading it, I would highly appreciate if you (yes you) could take few moments to comment if you like what you read.

If you do not like it you can also share that.

Its not something I need you to do.
It something I would like, being as curious as I am.
Knowing what you, the reader, is thinking.
maybe you can also share your reflections with me.

But I'll keep on posting,
reflecting,
thinking,
asking,
wondering
and writing.

-with love-

Celebration time - come on!

Almost a whole month has past by without me posting something.
the reason is twofold: first I've been busy and have not had the time to process my thoughts into a post.
second, my thoughts have been so scattered around issues and ideas. No red thread like sometimes. So it has been hard to find out what it is I want to share here.
Since I use this platform for venting purposes. :)

so what has been on my mind enought to want to share it here?
the topic on my mind is achievements.
mainly celebration of achievements you have reached.

everone has achievements, big or small, that need to be celebrated.
why this is so close to my heart is because I've been speaking to some people who have done well for themselves but they dont recognize it, they dont celebrate success and achievements. And because of that, both big and small acheivement loses its impact.

we all strive to become someone, do something, and if we do not celebrate what we have, what we have reached how will we keep motivated to reach our main goals?
this is what I want to share.
Celebrate, share and enjoy every success, little or small (because no success is little in itself).

Motivation is important but it doesnt happen by itself. we have to work for it. and this, what I have been talking about, is just one step in keeping motivated for your tasks and goals in life.
so celebrate, reach achievements and keep on being successful.

- with love -

It's the end of the month as we know it!

Its the end of the month, and it's the end of a two years experience. Only few more days.
I've been thinking how strange it feels, when one chapter comes to an end and you are not sure what comes afterwards.
the stress is killing me.. both because I want to end the current chapter on a high, an I am stressed for the unknown.

But I'm glad that I have the ability and opportunity to experience different things, that my life is build in a way that I take on new things, potentially more interesting things, regularly.
I'm not in a life where I'm stuck, I cannot get out and therefore I feel unhappy.

So because of this, I'm glad I'm stressed. It means I want to give it my all.
But stress is not good. I wish I had a different way of expressing these nerves.
but no matter what,
with a new month comes new days, new experiences and the potential to be even happier than I am today!

I hope everyone feels the same about their life.. it really is important to be positive and not be afraid of trying new things.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya'll ;)

- with love -

My role as family and a friend! I take it seriously.

Today was a difficult day for a friend of mine. Technically it was yesterday but as I started to write this post I got lost in previous posts on my blogs and found a video I posted few years back.

It felt right, viewing this video as I pay my respects to my friend and her difficulties. The video reminded me just how important family is to me.

My friend lost her younger brother 5 years ago and today would have been his birthday. It is a day when memories are visited, when tears are allowed to fall, where love is celebrated. It is hard, I'm sure. But my friend is strong.
There is not much I can do to brighten her spirit on a day like today.
except be there and make sure she knows I'm thinking of her and her family, who are all dear to me.

the video I just watched has pictures of my family members who I miss greatly. My grandfather who past away 3 years ago became real again, just for the short moment this video played on.
I miss him.
I miss my family, being so far away.

and friends are my family as well.
So if they are hurting, I am hurting.
therefore I want to be there for my family and friends.
Much as I wish I could help her to be strong, I know that grief will not go away. it is part of the healing process, the process of remembering something precious you had but lost. tears are necessary in that process, smiles are crucial.
And you have to go through the emotions.
I feel it now as I remember my grandfather, with tears in my eyes but smile on my face because the memories are amazing.
I hope my friend feels the same.

And my role in all this, just being there when she needs me, smile with her if she wants, cry with her so she doesnt feel alone.
And she will do the same for me!!

that is family!
-with love-

Imagine it - and live it!

These past few days a lot of things and issues have been crossing my mind. Future paths, education, love, life, family and much more.
I decided to take one of the issues I've been thinking about and discuss it with friends. Getting others perspectives helps me confirm my thoughts or even encourage me to challenge what I believe.
So I did.

The issue is imagination. the reason why this has been on my mind is because every now and then I hear people talk about imagine this and imagine that, and what is their ideal work, ideal partner, ideal life.
I completely agree that you have to have a lively imagination, otherwise how can you build dreams and visions of your life?
How can you figure out different ways to reach your goals?

But as everything, imagination can be too lively.
it can take over and hinder actions as well.

I have a very active imagination. I love imagining new senarios, what my life can look like, what I am capable of and I get what I want and need in life.
A day doesnt go by without me imagining something. and I love it. It motivates me, inspires and drives me.
But does it work the same way for everyone?

Do all people use their imagination like that?
The reason I ask this question is because I know people who dare to use their imagination. they have a very active one.
But they only imagine.
They do not act on it.
They do not use it to drive them, motivate them or inspire.
They get frustrated because their life is not as "good" as they imagine..
They get angry when they do not get what they want/need.

For these people, the imagination is not a positive force.
its hindering them to be what they want, who they are, and strive towards they are capable of.

That's why I wanted to discuss this with people.
What do people think about the value of imagination and the ability to imagine life, love, and career?
the answers are as diverse as people are diverse.

The phrase "its only in your imagination" is usually said with a bad meaning.
But does it have to be?

In my opinion, imagination is just one tool we were given to find our way in this life.
We just have to harnish it, direct it and use it wisely.
I, at least, am trying to.
And I enjoy it when it works.
You should try it as well!

-with love-

I have decided to not be hurting in vain!

Last post I discussed that life isnt fair, that sadness is a part of it but it is up to us as people, to pick us up and make sure we become stronger out of it.
as easy it is to say this/write this, it is hard to actually manage. when we hurt, we stay focused on the pain.. until it is maybe too late to become strong - it has worn us down.

Me personally, I have realized that I've started this process. I try to pick myself up early enough to look the pain in the eyes and say "what happened? why did I react this way? what could I have done differently? what do I want to learn from this?"
of course, I do not do this in all situations, some are just too hurtful to even think about this.

one of the hurtful situations many people go through are breakups.
I personally have not experienced many of those - but those I have were painful.
many people cannot stay friends after the fact, maybe rightly so, but I find it sometimes sad. this person, you maybe spent long time with and experienced good and bad times with, is now just out of your life.
then my question becomes this: "why is this breakup taking place? what did I do that contributed to it? and what would I want to get out of this?"
Again, very easy to write and maybe not so easy to think about when you are hurting.

but because of this.. the guys I have experienced breakup with are today my friends. those that I decided after thinking about it before it was too late, before hurtful words were said and before I completely closed my heart to them, stayed in my life.
And I'm so grateful for it.

Those I want to keep in my life have shared some intimate moments, I have shared my feelings and opened my heart.
these people I dont want to lose.
be they ex boyfriends or friends.

if the learning from the hard times proves I want you in my life, I'll do my best to keep you there.
But it takes effort to reflect, to think what will I learn when I'm hurting.
I know that..
but I'm also aware of that I have to try.
I want to try.
because going through the hurt and pain and not learn what I can from it,
feels like having gone through it all in vain, and that for me is even worse.

SO I hope, as you may read over this.. some of it makes sense.
that you believe you can learn more from life that you think.
You just have to decide to do so.
it's not easy,
but doable!

-with love-

Good vs. Sad: what will be your learning from the pain?

No one ever said that life was fair so I try never to take things for granted and work for what I want, hang out with friends, talk everyday with my family and hang on to things that make me smile.

Life has good things, bad things, great things, sad things and everything in between to offer. Well, its not so much as offering but forcing.
and as people, we prefer, of course, the great happy things.
but when sad things happen, it is then when you understand your strength as a person, your relationship with your family and friends, and you learn to appreciate the good things in life again.
but somehow, when time passes, we are likely to forget what we learnt from the event, our strength, our hopes, our valuable relationships and only focus on the hurt that followed.
and even though it is said, that time heals all wounds.. its not completely true.
some wounds are so deep.

so for me, even though I face sad and hurtful events in my life, I try to support my family, I try to heal the relationships that I have, and I try not to forget.
I cry.
I cry even more.
and then, as time passes.. I look back at the sad events in life and try not to think so much about the hurt they caused, but the strength that I showed. I think about the friendships that I have to tend to, my relationship with family that I have to keep strong and loving.
I know it might be strange to read this,
but the only hope I have for writing this post is that people understand that dont think only about Good vs. Sad things..
but think more about how do I react with certain events, and what do I have to learn from them. Especially the sad ones, as we might tend to think only about the hurt they brought (which I cannot say, "let go"). but try to take it one step further.

Life isnt fair,
It is full of hurt, sadness, pain and cries.
But it is also full of broken relationships, friends that are around the corner and strength waiting to be used.
and my experience is that, these things need nurturing, and usually the thought starts when you're hurting.
so learn from it, dont allow it to break you.
be strong.. that is the time to be so.
and you'll be able to look back with sadness and hurt but still understand that you did whatever you could to come out of it a better person, a person who's family relies on, depends on and looks up to.

Isnt that something we all want and strive for?

I want to be someone people feel they can trust, talk to, lean on, and cry (or smile)with.
but I have to learn to be that person.
and I believe I'm on that learning path.
what about you?

- with love -

being able to take opportunities - it requires work!

Another month is passing by, life goes on, situations change but you always feel the same - you never change as well.
Or do you?

I havent had the time lately for personal reflections, interesting conversations (exept about my thesis) or experiencing new things. Life just flies by without me, I feel.

but there are moments in life that are worth grabbing, in the speeding reality we live in. we might not see them as they fly by as well... but we have to keep our eyes open, our minds aware and body able to grab them when we see them.

so what does that mean?
what does it mean when someone says "keep your eyes open" for something/someone?
I mean, we have our eyes open most of our waking time.. so it doesnt make sense - or does it?

I guess that not everyone takes it so literal.
But I think its more than just having your eyes open, if you dont want to miss out on something.
I believe you have to mentally prepared as well. without self-awareness and mental strength you will not be able to comprehend what you are "seeing". You will not be able to connect the "view" with your life and what you want out of it.
but it's also not only about mental strength.
I believe as well that it is about physical strength.
Ok.. not maybe about being able to benchpress 100kg, but it's about the balance between body and mind. if you keep your mind sharp as well as your body.. you are more motivated to grab the opportunities that your eyes are open for.
Being able to comprehend the opportunities is one thing.. being able to run after them to catch them is another thing.

Therefore, I believe.. in this fast changing world, where opportuntities come and go, you as a person with goals and ideas need to understand what it takes to get where you want to go without losing to speedy environment and people in a hurry.

life always has something to offer.. be prepared to figure it out.
it requires some ability on your behalf, but nothing you cant work towards.
sharp eye, sharp mind and strong body.. and you're good to go.
Or at least I believe so :)

- with love -

Emotional baggage - where to leave it behind?

It's interesting how emotions work/dont work.
I have absolutely no idea, sometimes, why I feel the way I feel or why I'm not feeling something I think I should be feeling.

Last night, as I was practicing playing the guitar I decided to try to play one song. This is a beautiful song but I realized I hadnt heard it for almost 8 years but I sometimes think about it.
The reason I think about it is because I relate the song with a very sad and hard decision I had to make 8 years ago.
so of course I have gone out of my way to not hear it.

But somehow yesterday I though I would give it a go, especially since I would just be badly playing it and singing it myself.

After the first 5 worlds I just burst into tears.
I felt all these emotions, sadness, lonlienss, regret, wonder and lack of hope, just fill my consciousness.
And I couldnt stop crying.

I have often thought about the decision I took and I dont regret it.
I have come to terms with it, I even made sure I will always remember the choice I made and why it was the right decision.
I have talked to family about it.
I have cried, I have smiled, I have been hurt and I have been satisfied.
so I thought I had worked through my issues.

Yesterday, after only 5 words from one song.. I am not so sure I have worked through them all.
why would I cry if there is not something that is bothering me?
why cant I listen to a song that reminds me of hard times, when I believe I have made peace with my decision?
why are emotions so hard to control or even to understand?

Maybe my issues run deeper than I expected.
or maybe its not the decision I'm still having problems with, but the fear of no future possibilities.
maybe it's the fact that I'm losing hope, more than strengthen it.
maybe the decision I took many years ago, scared me in more areas than I knew.
Whatever it is, there is still some emotions lurking around, making me realize I need to do something more than I have been doing so far.

I just dont know what!
-with love-

Recent thoughts being challenged to gain the most from life!

I had a very interesting converstation today that made me rethink my thoughts I posted here yesterday about taking chances and not being afraid of losing out.
my cousin wanted to know if I would risk altering a great memory by reaching out to something that might not even be there in the first place.
and it's a valid question.

when you meet people, they leave impressions on you and then you go your seperate ways, you are left behind with the memories of laughter, jokes, kisses and fun.
if you reach out to that person, maybe not sure what will come out of it, those memories might lose its charm, they might change.
and why would they change?
Well, my thought is that, if that person does not answer, then your thoughts are colored with sadness.
if that person does answer but with negative feedback, your thoughts are colored with anger.
if that person does answer and with possitive feedback, your thoughts might drift away from the already created memories to hoping for future memories (again something that might not even happen)

So it is a fair question to ask someone who, like me, doesnt want to lose people from my life.
but is it always worth it, to reach out?
now, that's a topic I would love to discuss with someone out there.
because I'm honestly not sure.
Of course, memories are great, they create the life I lead and impact the path I take.
but if there is a change for something more, bigger impact, more stable impact.. wouldnt I want to take that chance?
I sit and I wonder, does it always pay of to take chances - is there something to lose but I just didnt realize it?

I guess this topic will need some more reflection on by part.
I want to make sure I get the best out of life - be that great memories, new people as friends and changing paths along the way.
I just need to think this through!

-with love-

nothing to lose, everything to gain!

I have been reading over my previous posts here and honestly they are very sad and heavy. maybe because I find it so hard to talk about it when I'm hurting, when something is bothering me or when I feel I'm not doing great.

The reason I wanted to start with this is because the other day I was talking to a friend of mine, and he says a thing that really made me think.
"I should introduce you to another friend of mine. She could learn a lot from you about enjoying life and being open minded"
so even if I'm hurting or having things on my mind, I make an effort in not taking it down on my friends. I want to make sure we have good times together as that might also help me in my thought process.

I have also decided to try (key word here try) to change my attitude and take more changes. I want to think I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
therefore I will not follow stupid rules in human relationships, rules that I feel just hinder growth and potential new friendships.
why should I lose out, just because I am too afraid to take a chance?
and if others dont agree then at least I tried.
more I cant do.
And I think that is what having an open mind also includes.
Not be closed of to experiences, people or processes - to challenge what others do and how things are expected to be done!

I hope to live up to this image my friend has of me.
I hope to continue take chances, because I'm the one who gains, others are the one that loses out on my relationships.
I hope to keep on writing my thoughts here to be able to keep on a smile and enjoy my time with friends and family.
I hope this will lead me to something great.
I'm sure it will.

-with love-

By the power of gray skull - give me courage!

What makes people have courage?
both courage to jump out of planes, to start their own business and to show that special someone they're interested.. I find that admirable.

I have always believed that I'm a brave person. I dare to dream, I dare to start new adventures but when it comes to one area.. relationships with people, I can be so timid. I lose my strength and i question myself.

But recent events have shown me that I dont have to be afraid of what I have to offer.
Not everyone will like it. Fair enough. not everyone are for me either. So I shouldnt let that take me down.
So I have decided I'm not gonna be too afraid any longer. It's not going to happen over night but I can all ready feel a bit of a difference in they way I present myself to others.

Another thing I want to do is to have the courage to not play any games.
if I like someone, I'll tell him that.
If he doesnt appreciate that I will have the courage to walk away but feeling good about the fact that at least I tried.
I cant do any more than that.
So this new approach to future relationships hopefully will prove to be good.
but if not, at least I learn from the experience.

-with love-

The love of sharing makes you stronger!

This month has been a month of reunions, month of smiles and laughter, month of exploring and month of challenges.
it's interesting that some months are just more positive than others, some are more brighter in colour and some just feel gray and sad.
May was a colorful month for me.
and what made it so bright and sparkling?
the people around me.

I am a quiet person but I have my moments when I'm outgoing and thrive well with others.
But that is also depending on the people around me.
May was full of friends coming for a visit but not only that.
it was not only visiting me at this new place but also to reconnect and share life.
I had forgotten how good that feels.

I believe that we, as people, believe we are outgoing, love to have people around us but we dont really share our life, love, sorrows and thoughts with the people close to us.
We allow them in to certain extent, but full on invitation is not given.
this is true to most people.
But usually we have few individuals we allow completely into our space, our thoughts, our presence.
and those people I love to reconnect with.
And not only do I love it..
I need it.
I miss it.
Sharing part of my experience, learning from others and smiling is what gives my life color, gives it meaning, and makes me stronger.

I believe the month of May made me stronger, more passionate and happier.
how can that not be a great package to take into the next month.
- with love -

is motivation always enough?

Have you realized that when you get motivated about one thing, your motivation for other things you have to do fades? Or is that just me?
I am working on my final paper and I am extremely interested in the topic but as more and more challenges arrive I start focusing on other things I'm passionate about. And my motivation for those things grows and gets me all excited. But my motivation for the final paper dissapears :(

Another thing that I see happening more and more with me is that I can only focus a short while on each project. If I try to stay to focused for a longer time I get restless and less productive than I could be.
I need to have many projects going on..
but that also means that it takes me longer time to finish what I have started... because I start so many things.

I believe I'm a very motivated person. I get highly motivated very easily, through arts, music, people, conversations, books and through much more. however, my drive to be productive is not as easily sparked.
I always thought motivation drives you - and I still believe that it can and will.
But it's not the only factor. I guess.
But what are then also part of driving productivity?

In my case, if I'm motivated but not organized I dont get things done.
I get easily distracted as I find so many other things interesting.

So what can I do to be better?
I know I can be better.
I know I can be productive and motivated and deliver on all the exciting projects I have started. But I also realize that I might need help getting to that point.
where do I start looking?

Well, if anyone out there can share some light - I would be very glad.
- with love -

AHA moment brought to me by the sun!

The other day I was walking, the sun was shining and I had great music playing on my iPod and I started thinking a bit about what I have been writing here. And I realized that I have been painting a very negative picture.. but not on purpose. It's just because when I feel down I start to ask questions and it is from there I believe I'm learning the most.

But as I was thinking about this I was basking in the sun and I felt a smile coming... i understood that when I'm happy, satisfied and/or excited I learn different things about myself, my friends and my capabilities.
this sunny day I felt empowered, I felt strong and I felt happy about me.

So, this short blogpost will be about this..
I learn from my challenges in life, and for that I'm so thankful. Without growth and learning I will not be where I am today.
But I realized that where I am today and who I am today makes me happy.
I'm proud and I'm excited about the future..
and I learned that just by smiling and enjoying myself when the conditions allowed me to do so..
and for that I'm thankful as well.
I grow through challenges and happiness.
I can feel it!

- with love -

Personal growth from bad decisions - will I ever learn?

It's so interesting to realize how you are changing as a person, you feel the changes happening and people are noticing and appreciating them as well.
I feel I'm going through this changes these past few weeks and I'm glad that this transformation is happening.
I was happy with who I was as a person but I also understood that there is room for improvements and areas of knowledge I need to dive in to become even closer to the individual I want to be and live the values I have identified for me.

But what I find even more interesting is the reasons you go through these changes, the events, people and places that drive this transformation into action.
Everyone has different reasons, different aspirations and different AHA moments that drives their changes.
But as long as we all know what it is that can have these impacts on us, we are able to tap into them and actually become the reflection of what we believe and live accordingly to that image. Someone we can be even prouder of being.

I have gone through so many transformational period just in the past 4 weeks.
people in my life are challenging me in a good way, I'm redifining what love, passion, happiness and strength means to me and I'm challening my thoughts on how I can become happy.
I am having great discussions with people where I have to argue for my point of view and I'm learning more about myself in that process.

However, unfortunatly there comes bad actions among those good ones that take your development back few steps.
I have also been through this, something that really made me question myself as a person. but I have to live with it, what's done is done and now I have to learn from it as well to make sure it doesnt define who I am. I will still become the person I believe I can be.
So this negative action will most likely drive me even more towards my development.
but I hope I will not have to go through more of these negative ones on my path.. but if that happens, I sure hope I'm strong enough of a person to learn from it and make sure it doesnt define who I am.

I hope that drive will define who I am instead!
-with love-

happiness being left in the past

The other day I was sitting with the sun shining on my face and listening to a song called "you could be happy" by Snow patrol.
What came to my mind at the time is that I might not allow myself to embrace happiness as much as I could. In previous post I was talking about expectations and how they are usually built on sand but not carved in stone and based on sound reasons. And that is why they break down easily.
That for me, is the story of my search for happiness.. I build my hopes and happiness on the sand I have around me, hoping for the stable future.

But one's mind is hard to change when it has decided something. I believe that's also why my reasons are not solid. Because I'm stuck in the past, not allowing my head and heart to move on.
Dont get me wrong.. whenever I think more about this, I belive I allow myself to depart more and more from the past but it's a long and tiresome process.

Maybe this is all about not allowing me to embrace who I am and what I have to offer to new people in my life?
Or scared that the happiness and love once had will never return, and therefore I hold on?
But it wont come back, not the same love and happiness. Potentially, if I allow it, it will be even better.
But I feel I'm not allowing this to happen - at least not as fast as it could be.
I wonder!

When does wrong become right?

I think it's quite interesting this process of having expectations to people/events.
I just experienced a dissapointment recently because I had built up unrealistic expectations to a person. Actually, that person hadnt given me any reason to do so, but the events coming up led me to believe more was to be expected.
And of course that was not the case.

But what strikes me as interesting is this.. even though I was expecting something more, deep down I knew nothing would happen. But I somehow overlooked it. It kept popping up in my mind "it's not gonna happen" but I still went on keeping high hopes, for something that was not there.
Why did this happen?
Why did I build up an idea, hope, an expectation when deep down I knew it would never be?

Is it the fact that I'm searching for dissapointment?
or do I want to believe I'm wrong?
Or do I dare to hope without reason? but is that "healthy" then?
if there is no logic, reason, chance... why build up something that will be taken down, potentially a harsh experience?

It's not that I'm dreaming big,
it's not that I'm setting realistic expectations,
it's not that I'm reading situations right...
it's more that I'm being silly, trying to believe or trying to hold on to what could be/what was.
and that's not so good.
or is it?
I found this very interesting as I feel the dissapointment today.. still sad that my expectations were not met.. and that I should maybe have listened to "myself".
well, you live some you learn some!
or what?

-with love-

Happy Valentines Day - Every Day!

It's becoming a tradition for me to express myself on this day - Valentines Day.
This year though, my need is not as strong. I'm not sure why.
Maybe I'm more at ease, people around me not focusing to much on this day and/or I feel love in one way or another almost every day. Who knows?

My messages last year and the year before have been around the fact that people should not have to buy into this commercialization of Love, that one day is not enough to show love and that celebration of love does not have to mean being in love.
I still completely agree still today. It's very intersting to have this kind of blog and look back on previous years and my believes at different times.
Sometimes your believes adjust to new learning and knowledge but some always stay the same no matter what others believe to be true.
This topic is one of those - one that I still stand firmly behind.
Valentines Day is fine to have a special occation to be kinder to people than the next day - but all days should be platforms for celebration.
If not then why bother being in love - if you can only show it once a year based on calander?

I really hope people take notice that Valentines Day - Day of Love - can also be about saying I love you to friends and family.
I really hope people only use this day to be extra special in their demonstration of love - still focusing on love all other days.
I really hope people are true to theirselves when they celebrate - not following the mainstream. The same thing might not be the right way to showcase love for all people.

But as the day of love fades from our calender I'm glad I take this day to reflect on my relationships, my priorities and my definition of love.
I believe that's the ultimate goal with this day!
And that I can buy into.

- with love -

inspiration is important - motivation is the key.

It's strange to realize that things that inspire you are so diverse and unpredictable. And as long as you are open to instant messages, reflection questions and motivational boost it can come from people you never expected to have those influence on you and from events/artifacts that you never really knew could be inspiring to a person like you (whatever that means).

the other day I went to a national gallery in Copenhagen and without expecting it I felt empowered and inspired by pictures, paintings, personal quotes and dialouge with people.
I never take it for granted to be motivated.
it's hard, it required work.
and sometimes I forget and let it slip away.
When that happens it can be so hard to get a grip and start again, get inspired to do what you love to do, be with people you love and follow the path your heart has put you on.

Therefore it's so important to be open and take in motivation and inspiration whereever it's offered, when you need it the most as well as when you believe you have no use for it. ( I believe that usually when we believe we dont need it, is the time when we need it the most ).

I hope I never lose this ability, to take in power from others. To look at others achievements and say "I wanna be great as well" and stay creative.
Sometimes I'm afraid that the working environment we have in Europe especially, it kills motivation, dreams, hopes and learning.
Something that scares me.
Something I want to avoid.
Something I want to change.

I want to be inspired by others, and I want to inspire others.
I hope I can be!

- with love -