Doing the best you can!

I'm back after this horrible test of my english skills. Why on earth did I have to take TOEFL? ;)
I got very nervous early on, then yesterday I felt good about my abilities and now, after taken the test, I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there.
I feel like I did so badly.

The fact is, that without passing this test, I can not apply for Masters in the program I want to apply.
So that's also why i wanted to excel in it. To prove I'm a worthy applicant for the program.
So now I have 20 days to wait until I know if I made it or not!
So let's keep our fingers crossed.

It's just frustrating to feel like I didn't do as well as I should since I speak, write and talk english on every day basis. So I should have done GREAT.
but I'm not sure if I did.

So now I have to wait. And wait and wait.
I better start thinking about something else, keep my mind on the next steps and hope that the time will fly by soon and that I have enough points to be able to access the study.
But there are good times ahead.
Today I will rest and tomorrow I'm taking a plane to one of my favorite places.. to meet people that I miss a lot.
So I will keep on smiling because then time will for sure fly.

-with love-

Perfume full of dreams!

Yesterday I stayed home for the whole day, lying in bed and making sure I didnt get cold to start feeling better. I have the flue on the worst time.
English test this week and traveling to a place where I rather want to be then here in Paris.

So yesterday went all in taking care of myself, resting and eating icelandic chocolate.
Now I'm back to the office although I shouldn't have if I want to make sure I'm ready for friday!

It's crazy what goes around in your head when you have nothing better to do than thinking and resting.
And when you are a daydreamer as I am thinks really start to fly ;)

When I was getting ready to sleep last night I looked on the shelf next to me and to my perfume.
My perfume is "dreaming" from Tommy Hilfigger.
That was very interesting from my side.
I'm a dreamer and I carry the smell of dreams on me as well.
So next it's just to make at least one of those dreams comes true.
Then I will be a smiling dreamer.

Now, I better get back to work.
- with love -

Carnival la France!

Today is a carnival day here in Paris, meaning that people gather around at a place here in Paris, shake their asses with drumbeat and walk a parade to another place in Paris.
I decided to check this out.

So I got dressed, took my camera and went to Place de Gambetta, where everything started.
There were so many people, children all over the place in costumes, musicians and other random strikers like myself.
I tried to find my place to see as much as I could, but since I didn't understand what was said in the speakersystem I kind a just followed the crowed.
So I found a nice place.
And then things started.

Seriously, The French could for sure learn something from Icelandic parade organizational skills. we waited and waited, the workers seemed very stressed and people didn't know where the parade would start from.
But I just smiled and enjoyed the atmosphere.
Somehow this all just reminded me about the Icelandic GayPride.
After standing still for almost 90 min I was getting way to cold. But I still didnt want to go home.
So I came back to the office.
I'm here way to often :o)

- with love -

Growing up and growing appart?

As I sit here at the office, it's passed 11 pm and I should be long gone home, I feel a little excited yet strange.
I feel excited for my friends. Their AIESEC careers might be changing quite dramatically and it's what they are hoping for. They applied for the top leadership body and are so close to be chosen. So close they can smell it.
I'm so proud of them and I wish them all the best!

But still there is a strange feeling lurking around in this crazy head of mine.
It's strange to feel how disconnected I'm getting from this organization and how fast that disconnection is actually happening.
I count almost minutes until I go back home, just because it will be so much better. And that means only 30 more days in the role I'm in.

But there are other things that keep me excited these days as well.
My future steps and where they will take me.
I feel more and more excited about my Alumni role in AIESEC and my plans for the "real world".
there are only 4 months until this hits me hard.

but then again, since there has to balance in life, of course there are other things that make me feel strange.
Like the fact that I dont know always how my friends are, if they are actually doing as good as they say they are.
The fact that I'm SO far away from my family makes me feel strange and sad. But it makes me also realize how important they are to me.

But there is also one thing about me that makes me feel strange.
I have the tendencies to over think things. I get so excited about potentials that I think and I can not stop thinking about what could be.
But when it doesn't go my way, I get sad and I dont understand why it's not like how I pictured it.
It doesn't happen often,but it does happen.
So I need to work on that. minimize the feeling of loss or emptiness that follows this over analyzing process of mine.

Well, these are my thoughts on this lovely saturday night while waiting for the Directors announcements for AI 09/10.
- with love-

Wishing to be somewhere else?

It's intense how your mental state can affect your physical state.
Last night, on my way home, I started to feel sick. But there was nothing wrong with me.
I have just been stressed, nervous and excited these passed few days and it's manifested itself in sickness.

Life could be better, I know that.
I am counting days until I can leave to do something else, be with someone else and do something else.
It's hard when you are thinking like this, wanting to drop everything and leave.
But that's how I feel.

So now I keep thinking - 10 days for the exam. 11 days until I go somewhere else.
only 11 days.
That's not so bad.
And there is only short time left - less then 4 months and I'm back in iceland. 4 months will fly by faster then I can hope for - I hope.

So now is time to think ahead, smile and try to make time fly.
- with love -

Happy St. Valentines Day

it's saint valentines and people all over the world are spending their time with their loved ones or hoping to fall in love with the right one or just spending their day as it's a normal saturday.
Mine is mix between all those three options :)

I had a bad Friday 13th so it's nice to have a day of luck and love just right after this bad day.
yesterday made me so frustrated that I went home earlier and just took my mind of work.
it felt nice.

Then my room mates suggested we would go out for a beer, so we search for a cool place to sit down in the neighborhood of my apartment and we found this cozy little place.
And boy oh boy did I have fun.
There were loads of handsome french men there.
I had a hard time keeping a conversation going because I was looking at the view ( yak, I sound like a guy when I write this but it's true ;) )

after one cocktail, drinking game and interesting conversation it was time to head home.

then came St. Valentines hehe.
the day started out so brightly with sun shining and people looking happier then yesterday.
I had time to call my family and friends, and that really great.

So for me, so far, the St. Valentines is not about being IN love with someone. But celebrating the love around you.
And I have a lot of love around me.
Even though at the moment it's in different countries far away. But with one phone call I can tap into that love and share my love of my family and friends.
So happy Saint Valentines everyone!!

- with love -

random day at the office

It looks like I have many things to share these days since I'm posing blogs everyday almost.
But to be honest, February is looking great as a personal month.
On professional side, it sucks so far!!

today has been very emotional.
I found two letters that I wrote, one 2 years ago and one this last july.
I had tears in my eyes, sad feeling of loss but in my heart I'm thankful to had known those people ( one is still alive but far far away from me ).

it's also been emotional in a stressful way.
I am so hard focusing on my next steps. I found a way that I really really want.
But so far no answers are given, it's still a little unclear what I need to do but I so want it.
So when I finally managed to get a little response today. My heart went crazy.. :)

this month is my month.
I'm deciding on my future, I'm connecting with people I care about, I'm supporting friends.

Last night when I walked home from the office after a very interesting night of decision making, I had a big smile on.
I smiled the whole way home.
It's strange because people look at you. But I dont care. I smile and I smile.
There's this little place on my way home from work and before I head to the metro, just next to the canal, where this guy is carving out wooden things to put over a light bulb.
and when it's all dark outside, walking pass these lovely creations of him makes me feel good, it makes me smile even more.

So there are things in my life that are good, that I treasure.
So far, they outweighs the frustrations from the working side.
Let's hope it will continue like that.

- with love-

one smile at a day :)

It's my lunch break and I have been thinking about something that was mentioned to me few days ago and also in Denmark when I was there.

I was asked, in the closing plenary of the conference in DK, to be so emotional that the delegates would cry and leave the conference with this feeling they dont want to go and they cry.
Then a friend of mine asked if I managed to get people to cry in the closing plenary.

My answer was NO!

I do believe in the fact to be emotional and share my experience and make them realize how this experience has changed them in one way or another,
but I dont like to see people crying. Not even if the "reason" behind it is good and makes sense.
I dont know.
For me, I dont think the impact is as great if people leave with the mindset " buhu I dont want to leave" rather then " Oh man, this conference was so cool, I can not wait to get back" and do things with a smile on their faces :)
That's my approach to things.

I hope I managed to leave people with smiles and great feeling of realization of own capacity.

These thoughts just came in my mind since I'm sitting in the office and I realize that this morning I have been smiling more then usual.
And I feel so great!
So I started to think about if we smile more, do we then become more effective in our roles?
I do think so,
Since if you dont like your role, you dont smile.
You dont smile and you dont want to get to work in the morning.
Then you dont act as effective as you could because in a way you dont care.
So smile!!

I want to dedicate this post to Ali, a dear friend of mine that is just one big smile and I love it!
Keep smiling:)

- with love -

all by myself

I'm feeling a little homesick these days.
Missing my beautiful little nephew as he grows bigger and bigger by the day.

I look at pictures all the time and that's not helping at all.
So now I have to make sure I keep busy so I dont think to much about my country, my family, my friends and all the good things I have in Iceland.

Paris is quite windy, rainy and gray these days.
I dont mind the rain but I dont like the wind and the grayness of the city.
The city can be so colorful and that makes me smile - but these days there is little smile I get from the view of the city.

I'm trying to make the most of my stay here in Paris. I have 4 more months to go and I dont really have close friends to do stuff with. So I'm doing things by myself.
I like it.
But sometimes its just not the same.
You want to be able to share things with friends and family. You want to experience things with them.
It's not the same for me to explain how things were as for them to actually experience it with me.

But I found another place that I highly like here in Paris.
And when I need my time to sit, read and be by myself, I will go there.

- with love -

Time to change - listen to your gut!

I've been thinking a lot about the future and what role I want to play in it and how I can prepare for this role I want to play.
I've been in AIESEC now for 5 years, that's 1/5 of my life. That's a lot of time spent in the organization.
I have always loved every minute of it, the challenges, the opportunities it offers and the people I get to meet and become friends with along the way.

It's hard when the time comes for you to say goodbye to such a thing. A big part of your life.
I have always had hard time letting go and this goes to show how attached I get to things in my life.
But after those 5 years it's time to move on!
I can feel it in every bone in my body that I have done everything I can in AIESEC. I have learned all I can to prepare myself for the future.




A good friend of mine also said, trust your gut!
If your gut tells you this is the right thing to do, then my God it is!

So I have started to look for my next step. A life after AIESEC.
And it feels so amazing.
I'm excited but also a little scared, scared of what will come when I dont know my future.

I'm excited about all the possibilities that are waiting.

So now it's just to keep an open mind and listen to my gut feeling.
Then I will be ok!
-with love-

lack of energy

this morning was so hard.
I couldn't wake up, was tired all the way to the office and even when I came where I somehow couldn't get in working mood.

But soon after lunch my brain kicked in, I got energy and I managed to focus completely on work.
It felt great.

I think I'm still recovering from the conference in Denmark, I go early to sleep but somehow I'm not getting up in the morning.
Let's hope it will come soon.

Besides this lack of energy I have butterflies in my stomach all the time.
It's time for me to think about the future, what do I want to do when I grow up.
It's scary as hell but also extremely exciting.
I have some ideas of what I want to do..

now it's time to work hard, reflect on what I want to do, prepare for my next steps and make sure I stay smiling.
- with love-

from me with gratitude.

It's very interesting how fast you get attached to people and things that have positive impact on you.
Today is the last day of ALTIUS 2009, AIESEC Denmarks national leadership and election conference and I'm having mixed feelings about leaving. This conference has really given me an experience I didn't expect and I hadn't had before.
first of all, being chair is hard but fun if you are well prepared. I personally think I was as prepared as I could have been but I also got a lot of support from the Faci team in making sure I was on track.
All this coordination, communication, keeping energy up, smiling, preparing sessions and supporting the OC team is challenging but in such a good way that I would not hesitate to do it again. Not by a longshot!

Then the next point of why I have mixed feelings about this conference to end - The people!
The Faci team welcomed me with open arms and there was a very big team bonding and team spirit. It sertainly improved this experience for me.
The delegates also set their mark on my experience. I did't expect Danes to be so open, sharing and plain cool :)
But they are.
And the fact that they let you know if you are doing a good job, also means a lot to me.
There were plenty of times when I walked away from a conversation with a smile because the delegates told me I was doing great. It means a lot.
During the conference I feel also a special bond with few individuals. Without those people I dont think this conference would have been half as good as it has been.
Two of those individuals are Anna and Gunga, two of my best friends.
They are non-AIESECers but have been following my experience since from the beginning. They know by now few names, roles and movements but that's about it when it comes to their AIESEC knowledge.
They actually took time out of their schedule to come to Nyborg and see my AIESEC environment and show their support.
I dont think they realize how much that actually means to me.

So as I'm sitting, reflecting and wondering how this conference will end, I have a smile on my face.
I'm so thankful for the danish MC team to invite me to chair because this was an experience I needed in my background, I was able to come to denmark and really be challenged in my working environment.
I love it!
So now I'm going to do my job, close this conference and start heading back home to Paris, one more experience richer then I was a week ago!

- with love -