With questions I take on the new year!

It's the last day of this eventful year, 2010 is just around the corner and looking just as promising as this passing one has been.
It's interesting to look back and see the changes you have gone through, the challenges you have overcome, the people who empowered your life and the family who supported you.
I do feel blessed when I look back.

So many questions have come and gone through my head, questions that I have searched for answers and brought me closer to what I believe and what I stand for as a young Icelandic person.
Questions about love, lust, friends, family, education, motivation, obessesion, travels and so much more.
Some have been answered, Some still circle around my life waiting to be answered and some I dont think will ever get their answer.

These questions are my way to look forward, learn and expand my horizon.
I think each year needs to include some questions, something you search for, learn from and enjoy questioning.
Never take the status Quo.
Never accept things just because it has always been like that.
That I have learned.
It's hard, but the strong people who manage are those who leave something behind, those who live their lives proud, those who others hope they could be like. That is what I believe.

So when the new year comes along, I wish for continuous questions, hopes to learn more, enjoyment of experience and peace in being who you are.
I will continue looking for that.
Thanks for reading and happy new year

- with love -

still looking for creation

The holiday season is half way through, the new year is around the corner and life is sweet.
Time of family, love and fun is still around me and it makes me smile.

The thought of creation and expression is growing, hindering me in sleeping - the need is so strong. My mind can not stop wondering, thinking and analyzing the process, facts and tasks that needs to happen before.
I find it so interesting, I'm quite excited.

I look forward to the new year with all it's challenges, all it's opportunities and all it's learning that I intend to get.
2010 will be a challenging year.. I hope.. but one where I stand tall and take each challenge with a smile.
I have goals for 2010, I have ambitions and I look forward to organize myself, change myself and become even better.
2010 is my year, just as 2009 has been my year.. but just in even better way!

-with love-

In peace I find the will to create

Sitting in my parents living room with the TV on, the christmas lights brighly shining and window open, I feel great but a little restless. During this time where I eat, sleep, spend time with family I love the peacefulness but I also feel the need to create, to make something I can be proud of.
I want to write a book.

Writing a book is something I have always wanted to do. Specially when I was writing poems and I wanted to publish a book with my finest work.
Now I want to do more, something that people can learn from as I have learn from others.
I want to inspire, motivate and share.
This feeling is growing stronger and stronger.. Now it's disturbing my peace, leaving me with restlessness, a mind in overdrive wondering what to write about.. where is my passion.

I think this feeling is growing due to knowing my creativity needs improvement.. I need to work on my innovation, my thinking outside the box.
I think the book, the process of writing, will bring creativity to me.. help me with releasing my innovational and creative thinking.
I will continue thinking, looking at topics, finding where my passion lies. What could I write about?
How can I inspire?
will someone actually want to read what I have to say?

I also want to publish some of my finest poetry.. still collecting and wondering of the theme.. there has to be a theme right?
I love this restlessness because it challenges me..
It makes sure I dont just be, that I try to be even better then before.
I will continue to try.

Now I sit, enjoy the constant battle between the peace Christmas brings and the restless spirit the creativity awakens within me.
I love it.
And I do hope I continue following my feelings.
-with love-

Merry Christmas to y'all :)

It's night before Christmas eve and I'm home, in Iceland, with my family.
I've been home for few days and it feels amazing. Being with people you love and who love you.
Tomorrow comes Christmas, these special times I enjoy so much, peaceful and full of joy. People smile more but are stressed as well.
I dont feel stressed at all.
If something I feel too relaxed. Being home I have the mindset of enjoy, love and belonging.

As soon as I came home I felt the christmas spirit.
It's amazing.
Not that I didn't feel the Christmas in Copenhagen... it's just completely different when you come home, see the christmas lights and smile and hug my family.
Now Christmas can come.
I'm ready!

Christmas is one of my favorite time of the year.
I love spending time reading, eating, laughing, decorating, giving and receiving.
Seeing my family getting things they need, want and/or love.
There is something peaceful about this.
And I have been searching for peace, serenity and I feel it here.
I love it.
I wish I could hold on to it for longer.
I wish I could take it with me to Denmark.
I wish I could share it with everyone. allow them to feel what I feel during these times.

Christmas comes tomorrow, weather you like it or not.
I personally like it, I'm ready
So I wish you all merry Christmas and have the best holidays you can have with family and friends.
May the new year be the best so far.
I sincerely wish and hope this for you!
-with love-

The need to express oneself leads to ....

I'm still searching for the peacefulness.. the power that comes when you are in total ease with who you are and what you dream of..
I'm searching in all the wrong places.

These words, Peace, tranquility, serenity, calm and hopes are something that I can not seem to get out of my thoughts since yesterday. They are affecting me in some way. But a good way.
I have this urge to express myself, but I need the right audience for what I want to say.
I know to whom my message is ment for, but I can not get the attention of the needed audiences. What to do then?
Still communicate?
pour my heart out?
make space for new thoughts?
What to do when I have a point but no one is near to hear it?

But then again I might challenge my questions and ask - do you want this group to hear what you have to say?
Are you sure peace and harmony will follow?
because that's the ultimiate need for my message. To create the environment of tranquility, of serenity. Where I can be left in peace with no worries or thoughts in mind.
Is that the ideal world I'm looking for?

my heart is pounding as this need to express, to say something, to be heard increases but my hope for someone to actually listen ( or the right audience will be found ) decreases.
My hopes are diminishing.
they are fading, now when I need them the most.

I still search for this ideal world, where peace is upon me.
Where these thoughts, this pain, this history is kept aside but not forgotten.
Where it lies in hibernation and leaves me with peaceful new experiences.
I'm searching.
In all the wrong places.
Direct me to the right place.

-with love-

Today I talked to God

Today I went to church. I haven't been in a church for a long time. It was peaceful as I set there and listen to the service and looked at a painting of Jesus on the wall. Peace and quiet.
I felt at ease in my soul. Something that I haven't felt in a long time.
it made me think about my late grandfather and that I miss him.
It made me think about my family and how much I love them.
It made me think about friends and how I respect them.
It made me think about issue that I thought I was over but when talking about it, it still brings pain, hurt and disapointment with it.

I haven't been to a church for long as I dont feel like that's needed in order to stay spiritual and religious.
But I have experienced that when I sit in the church, listening and just breathing slowly.. it brings serenity.
I feel,
I think,
I believe.

Today, as I sat in church listening to the service, I spoke to God.
It feels better now, somehow.
Why I'm not sure.
but it does. And that something that can't be argued.
It wasn't a long talk. But I think it was needed.
And I'm hoping that now, after I have said things "outloud" something will happen. Hopefully I will start to let go.
Let it be.
I hope so!

-with love-

Love lifts us up!

Why do we lower ourselves when it comes to love and the person we are in love with?
This question came to my mind as I heard a song by Faith Evans where she says “I’m nothing without you” You are my everything”.
I can not except that someone would think so low of him/herself.

Ok, I will accept that when you are in love with an amazing person that person impacts you, that person can make you a better person – I wouldn’t go so far to say complete as I believe that is also a lowering statement.
The right person can have influence, can support you, and can lighten up your life in so many ways. But is it then right to say you are nothing without that person?
There must have been something there for this amazing person to fall in love with you to begin with?
Why would you imply that you are worth nothing by being alone?

Maybe the reason people make these statements is the fact that when this person, this individual who impacted you in so many ways, leaves your life you become “normal” again? And now you are used to be this lifted, inspired person who someone loved, so this feeling of being left without that is not wanted.
Going back to your old self then doesn’t feel right. And I agree, you shouldn’t go back to your old self. You take this learning, this experience of being this person and you develop your new self. But you are always something. You can even become more if you want to.

Saying you are nothing is of course being extremely romantic and I do realize that songs are playing with emotions and that’s why this sentence is there. But it just struck me now as I heard it tonight.

Love is a great thing. Being in love is even better. I wish that feeling to everyone. But what I wish more than that is that people love themselves and understand that they are someone. And that being in love only takes them to another level of their awesomeness. I always try to keep that in mind. It’s hard, but it’s so much worth it in the end.

-with love-

December starts with a soft bang!

It's December.
The weather has gotten very cold.
But the Christmas lights around the city brings it to life.
I heard that Copenhagen is one of the best cities to be in during this time of the year.
So far, it's been true :)

There is always something going on in my life, some actions, events and people coming and going. These passed few months it hasn't been so active. Like I said before, I had a steady routine and it didn't feel right.
Now as December starts I feel all active again, but still holding on to the routine in most parts. It feels good!
I guess it is just a phase I have to go through, to learn to appreciate my life.

Although December has just started it has brought with it dissapointment and sadness. But everything is balanced. So it has also brought joy, laughter, smiles and experiences.
I'm just learning to accept that good comes with bad, bad balances good and if I'm lucky.. the good outweights the bad.
as only 5 days have passed I know the good outweights the bad.
December is my month of joy, being happy and look forward to Christmas.
I just have to keep reminding myself that each dissapointment, each no, each sadness brings me one step closer to happiness if I just let it!
I have to have that in mind.
I need to :)
And I will!

- with love -

November holds my hand into Special times

Last day of the month again and this day feels better than many other end of the month days.
November was mild, both in weather and also in feelings. I look back with smile and look forward to December.
Motivation has been low, my current path has been questioned and reflected upon, my self esteem has been shattered, my feelings have been mixed but still... It's been balanced I believe.
Good things have happened, friends visited, Copenhagen explored and feelings rekindled.
November has seen drama, frustrations, smiles and laughters.. But that should all months include.
Or at least that's my opinion!

So as December starts, one of my favorite month, November leads me into the new month with smile. What more can I ask for?

Christmas season is arriving and I cant be happier with that. I do believe Christmas brings the best out in my family, and I love sharing these special times with them.
But what is also exciting this year is the fact that I will experience Danish Christmas as well. That for me is priceless as well.
As much as I love my own traditions I do love learning new things as well, see how others celebrate these special times and how they enjoy life.
I love it.

Why is Christmas time so special for me?
I somehow feel people become more possitive, smile more and share their life, love and experiences. I believe and feel people want to be with me, they want to make me smile and they want me to make them smile.
It's time of family and family is one of my values. A value I want to nurish and attend to. It makes me smile.
That's what Christmas means to me!
I love being home.
I can not wait to go home and feel this again.
I miss it!

- with love -

The power of Poetry!

When I was younger I expressed myself, my feelings and my creativity through poetry.
I was good at it, I loved it and I made people smile with them.
What a great feeling.
But then it somehow got lost to me.
Time passed with no writing, no words on paper and no expressions.
And the wierdest thing was, I didn't miss it!

The other day I reconnected with my old writings. I read them over and it kindled a known feeling within me. I remembered the feeling of creating something nice, beautiful and funny. I remembered the feeling I had when I wrote my sad poems, what events had just happened in my life and how they have changed me. Helped me to become who I am today.
Poetry was my expression, my way of letting my thoughts run free.

But as i grew older it faded.. why I'm not sure.
As I read my poetry I realized I miss this expression, this creation.
In a way, this blog is trying to fill in a hole.

I had forgotten, but when I was living in Paris last year I wrote few poems.
When I was feeling sad, all alone and not being able to share... I sat down with my notebook and expressed myself on paper.
And it felt good.

My poetry is very personal, ment for myself.

A friend asked me this week - why dont you publish them. Let others enjoy them?
And the feeling I got was... scared.
I would be letting people in, learning private things about the way I feel and think. I am not ready for that kind of openness..Not at this stage of my life.
My poems are for myself, to keep my thoughts clear, to help me conceptualize my feelings.
I believe everyone should do the same - but find their own form/way to express them.

I hope, that now I will continue expressing myself. Both with my thoughts here and my feelings in a poetry form.
It might help me focused.

-with love-

Have you ever thought "just maybe"?

Feelings - what an interesting and sometimes amazing experience they can bring. They can also be sad, pain and cold.
We want to feel, mostly good, but I sometimes think people are searching for the feeling of pain.
Why do I think that?
People continue to hold on to objects or other human beings, fighting the loss as hard as they can. Most of the time, those people/objects we crave to hold on are those we need to let go.
But we cant and therefore we keep a feeling of pain, hurt and sadness within ourselves.

what is it that keeps us holding on?
Why do we fight to hold on to something that either has no feelings for us or that needs to leave our lives for some reasons?
Why is it hard to let go?

I guess, and this is only my opinion, that we want to believe that this person/Object is good for us in some ways.
That potentially there is more to come then the current relationship we have.
That maybe that person feels the same about you.

But usually, when we have hard time letting go - the other person doesn't even notice. Life goes on as normal.
And yet we sit and hope and pray and wonder.
it can be so painful.

So that's why I say people hold on to pain, the search it out and wont let go.
It takes time, hard work and support to give up something you truely believe is a good thing for you.
Giving it up is going to be hard. But only in the short term.
then pain goes away and we leave ourselves open for joy, love and laughter with new pepole, new objects - new experiences.

-with love-

What a difference a day makes

It's interesting to realize how much the environment around you, events you go through and the news you receive can effect you.
It's also interesting to experience how your feelings can change one day to the next.

The way you react shows a little the character of your person, how strong you are and how self centered you are.
Being able to slowly but steadily take each challenge on, behave in a mature way and not giving up, feeling sad and blue is hard but not impossible.
When you are a stronger person it becomes even a preferred reaction to a challenge.
You know yourself enough to not fall into this bad habits.

I'm always saying I know myself well but then something happens and I'm challenged in my way of thinking and the way I look at myself.
I am preasured to rethink who I am, why I react the way I do and where I need to improve.
Because there are areas of improvement - I just am a little blind towards them myself in a daily routine.

But what I'm glad about, what makes me satisfied with me - is the fact that when I am challenged, when I know I'm reacting not according to what I believe in, I recogize it.. And that gives me potential in becoming better.
I am glad that I have that.
Not everyone does I believe.

So today has been a reflection day for my behavior, my selfishness and my lack of strength.
I'm a little closer to improvement.
But it's an ongoing process - and that I believe not everyone understands either.
You need to constantly rethink, reshape and reform who you are to become better ( or at least that is my believe at this very moment).
Reflection is my current action. I take it seriously.

-with love-

Selfishness on all levels :s

when you find out that all your hard work, sleepless nights, blood, sweat and tears haven't been successful it's like a slap in your face. All your wind is out, energy is low and you feel bad.
Not bad for your little success but because even though you gave it your all - it still wasn't good enough.
Your self-esteem takes a hit and you wonder.. why am I bothering since my best is not good enough?

I'm feeling like this now..
But also what comes to mind is "if at first you dont succeed - try again".
I dont know why this is hitting me so hard today.
Maybe because I know I gave it my all and therefore I'm not going to become better. If I didn't understand and do better - what implies I will do better next time?

I think the reason why I get so sad is because I feel sorry for myself.
Instead of taking this and roll with it, making my mind on doing better I stop and be sad, feel sorry for myself and believe I deserve it.
But I dont.
I did my best and obiously it wasn't what was needed.

So why do I keep feeling sorry for myself?
Why do people do that?
Well, I have always believed that we are selfish creatures with focus on our best benefits, our best solution and our rights - weather it's actually right or not!
I think this is showing a little my selfishness.
So I better stop.

I know it's hard to get less recognition from a hard work than you expected.
I have experienced it.
I know that people demand what they believe they deserve.
I have done the same.

But those feelings will not bring me better results next time.
So I better stop and do.
Do the best I can and just cross my finger and hope it's the right thing to do at that point in time.
It's all I can do.
That and stop my selfishness!

-with love-

Path of no return?

As I sit at my desk, watch out my window into the darkness that is embracing Copenhagen now I feel a little uneased.
I should be at peace after a relaxing weekend, catching up with family and exploring Denmark a little more but I'm not.
It's not an uncomfortable feeling I'm having. It's kind a more "oh man, why am I here?"
So I'm in a need to soulsearch a little and figure my way a little again.
Being so busy I haven't had the time to confirm where I'm heading and if I'm satisfied with it.

I miss my lifestyle of travelling, of discovering new cultures, people and being on the move.
Now I'm getting into a routine, something I haven't done in years and it feels strange. Routine is not bad and I am discovering new things - but in the field of my studies.
It's just a feeling like I'm missing out on life!

I know that's not what's happening as I'm preparing myself for the future.
But the fast track I've been on is becoming slow and steady and familiar.
There is no uncertanty, no breath of fresh air, now feeling of accomplishment.
Perhaps this feeling is starting to show it self as I have began to question the path I'm on now.. Dont get me wrong, Denmark is great!
But I'm not completely satisfied with my study program and maybe that is pushing this doubt, this feeling on going nowhere into my heart.
Perhaps I just need to sit down, analyze my life as it is at the moment and discover if I'm on the right path or not.

Maybe I need a time where life takes an unexpected turn, brings in color and excitement and get's me motivated again.
As I read in the book I'm currently reading " Principle-centered leadership" by Stephen R, Covey...
Motivation is a function of the heart - more than the head..
And maybe I'm not following my heart as I should be.
Maybe I am and I just dont realize it because the other alternative looks more interested - the gras is greener or the other side..
But is that ever the case?
I should just hold back and rediscover who I am and where I'm going - to make sure my path is taking my the right way!

-with love-

I'm just joking ( and leaving you a hint )

With every sentence we say, in joke or in real, there is always some level of seriousness behind it. Even if you might not see it in your own words, it's there.
People say something, knowing that it's a joke but the little portion of truth in it might find it's way to the listener.
Wierd topic I know but I've been thinking about why do I make the jokes I do. Is there some truth that I'm trying to send out to the listener - as I do believe that there is meaning with everything I say?

Like Skunk Anansie says - I'm lost in time I can count the words.. That's what I'm doing.
I'm counting my words, making sure I'm not saying something I dont really want people to hear, understand or see.

I made a joke the other night that lead to interesting discussions, but the thing is.. I wanted those discussions to happen. I wanted to see if the thoughts were still there with the listener.
So I used the joke to manipulate the aftermath of the joke towards topics that I found to hard to just start a discussion on.
So the joke had a truth, a meaning, an hidden agenda.

I'm becoming more and more aware of this.. and therefore I'm trying to not just joke randomly but "use" the jokes in a right way.
Although I'm getting more aware of this - I'm not sure that others are aware. Or sometimes it feels like they are not aware - and the smallest joke can leave traces of truth, hurt and pain after it's said.
But is it my role to ask people if there is a little truth behind each joke? If they meant something more then what they wanted to say?
Well, we all learn by getting constructive feedback from others, we spend time with, work with and so on.
But is this something that can be given in a form of feedback?
I'm just not sure.

- with love -

Self R-E-S-P-E-C-T, tell me what it means to me!!

it's the end of the month. a month that always seems so gray and dull - October.
Last October I spent in Paris and somehow it didn't seem as gray. I actually enjoyed the autumn leaves and the beauty that Paris has to offer.
Here in Copenhagen, it's not that the month has been gray. It's more that it's been cold and stressful that took the color out of it.

I've been thinking a lot about me and my personal beliefs and strengths. This book I'm reading is really bringing up some questions and they are challenging my thoughts. They are challening me but also leaving me with some interesting points I should potentially look into.

Question about self respect.
Where does it come from?
is it as simple as making a promise and keep it to yourself?
and from keeping the promise you feel better and start to repsect the fact that you can do what you set your mind to?
I dont know
I want to know.

The questions that are circling around in my head are related to my personal self repsect and self knowledge.
I make promises and dont keep them. And yes of course it sucks. But somehow I dont feel it's the only part that builds up self respect.
What other objects, feelings, actions lead to self respect?
I'm gonna keep on reading the book.
See what I find more out.
I will share here!

-with love-

Procra..... Neh I write it later!

Procrastination is a very interesting word I find.
I find it so interesting that I would prefer to leave my work, watch a movie and then have to be stressed later to finish my work.
And I'm not the only one!
Then we complain about stress, lack of time, not being 100% prepared and wonder why we dont do better then we did!

Procrastination comes too easily to me.
I wonder why?
Why is this so easy?
Why can I not just stay on top of my plan and work according to my schedule, stressfree and happy?

It's not that I'm not happy now, believe me I am.
But I also just know somewhere deep in my head that I have to deal with the consequences later.
I'm fully aware of that, yet I dont stop delaying things. My focus does not get clearer, and my mind does not stay on topic.
Why?
Psychology researchers use three criteria to categorize procrastination: for a behavior to be classified as procrastination, it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying - Wikipedia
I'm definitely the last part, delaying all the studying as much as I can!

I found this interesting video online - I actually saw it couple of months ago. But as I watch it again now, it's speaking to me!
It IS me!



I have to find ways to stop procrastinating, stop leaving important stuff hanging there.
How?
I will hopefully find a way!
-with love-

lack of dialouge leads to pain?

The fall has officially arrived to Copenhagen. The cold has been here for awhile but it's the grayness, the foggy weather and the light rain that really make it look and smell like an autumn.

My days are becoming less organized then when I came here. I'm becoming more flexible. That, for me, is a sign of feeling comfortable.
I like it!

as the day become shorter, darker, wetter, my spirit becomes lighter yet stressful, happy yet nervous, awake yet tired.
My mind is always at work and not always working on the right materials.
So what is on my mind these days?
Complains and comparisons!

I have noticed that many people, sometimes even including me, complain heavily. Especially related to health.
But what bugs me even more than that is the fact that when someone else is sharing their pain as well... the pain is never as much as with the first people.
They are the one suffering.
It bothers me so much!

Why do we do that?
Why do we compare pain and lack of health?
Why do we insist that our pain is worse then someone elses?
Why do we think this topic is interesting to others?

I keep asking myself these questions, hoping I can learn from them for my behaviour.
I know we are all different, we can not take as much pain as the next person or whatever, but we should be able to respect that we also dont know how the other person is feeling and if your pain is worse.
I think this subject is doomed to lead to frustrations with friends and family - as everyone is hurting sometime.
We can not help it.
It depends on what time of pain we are in, but it's there - sometimes bad and sometimes bearable.

I think there are certain topics that people can not discuss without being very objective and open for a dialouge.
But many people aren't able to do so!
then what to do?
Stop whining - listen to people and they will listen to you!!

-with love-

People are alike - in so many different ways!

I'm facinated by people.
I'm facinated about their interests, their lives, their education, their music taste and their behaviors.
I also know that I attend to put people into specific categories based on their appearances and behaviours at first sight.
I dont intend to but based on generalizations already established in the society my thoughts tend to follow the path.

Some people do fit in with the steriotypes, the generalizations, but most people dont.
That's why I love to get to know people with different interests, backgrounds, social status - all just to challenge my thoughts of the categories I tend to put people in.
It's working.
I love when people surprize me, are more then meets the eye.

People are so interesting beings.
We, as a race, value so diverse things, some are religous others are atheists, some like country mucis and some like Rock, some want children.
We are so different. French, icelandic, African, indian, tribal, Asian.
But even though we are so different, I believe there is no species just as alike as we are.
We have emoitions,some show them and others hold them in - but it's there.
We have motivational aspects in our lives besides just keeping alive and raise our youngs.
We believe in things, wether it's God, ourselfs, friends/families, the environment, famous people or something else.
We love. We want to be loved. We want to express love.
And we do express our believes, loves and emotions in one way or another. Some I might not agree with, Some I think are wrong But we all express us in some ways.

As I learn more about people, the more I'm attatched to the knowledge of human behaviour, motivation and passions.
I want to continue challenging my view of people.
I will express myself and enjoy my likeness with the person next to me as I continue my path in learning about my friends and family, people I love or could love.
what an interesting path I have to say.

-with love-

Motivation, such an interesting word

Where does motivation come from?
Why am I motivated about some issues but not others?
Why can I not keep motivated to write my essay?

I have this final exam essay to write and I love the topic, I enjoy reading my data but I can not start writing.
I can not put my thoughts into words. I would rather spend my time watching TV, facebooking or reading something completely different.

I dont know what's wrong.

But I'm getting more and more settled in here in Copenhagen. I am starting to grow to this environment, learning my ways around and feeling comfortable at my home - love it!
The only thing missing is my motivation.
Both for my essay and also getting out in evening to meet friends and potentially start excercising.

So that's why I'm wondering about this word "motivation" and where it comes from. Why am I motivated about some things and not other?
What motivates me?
Interests = Motivation?

I love these questions as I think about the answers as I post them here.
Now I just have to really think, and hope to find my motivation and delegate it into my essay.
Let's hope :)
-with love-

Indulgence - where art thou

Sitting in my bed with no light except the one from the computer, playing “the first cut is the deepest” with Duffy I’m feeling a little blue ( and no – it’s not from the cold in my apartment ;) )
I have to give up one thing that really makes my day good. One thing I look forward while waiting for breaks in classes, my way to wake up – Coffee!

These past few days I have been having heartburn and feeling quite tired. But I have also been drinking way to much coffee ( according to some people ). And to find out if the coffee is making my feeling bad, I need to take a break.

It sounds very simple when I’m writing this where, the music has changed to Creed playing very melancholy song – fitting very well to my feeling.
But when I actually think about giving up something that means a lot, makes an impact and I enjoy it doesn’t seem so simple anymore.
Why do I feel like that when I know it’s better for me to leave it. It might be the thing that is causing my heartburns?
Why do we have such hard times giving up the bad habits but we find it so easy to take new ones on?

Listening to the words of Red hot Chili Peppers – we just have to give it away.
Why isn’t it just that simple when you realize what it is you should give away?

Sometimes I find the human mind, feelings and stubbornness a very interesting issue. I have so little knowledge when it comes to these things. But I do like asking questions, challenge and wonder why I’m so weak at some areas when I’m so strong in others.
What decides where I’m stronger and where I’m not as strong and where I am a complete mess?

I’m not happy as I go into a new day where I will leave out few things that I like. I love myself to much ( meaning I don’t want to do hard things even though they are best ) to take something from me – but now it’s asked by someone else, someone who cares about me enough to make me realize what I need to do. And then I need to listen.
I need to by extra strong this week – without my coffee ;)

-With love -

What's the meaning of your brands?

It's interesting to think about how some things become a big part of your daily routine and some would say an obsession as well.
Like for example facebook.
Now, since I got the internet home I feel the urge to check facebook out regularely and check out what my friends are doing and what is going on in the world.
Facebook is becoming my means of communicating.
Does that mean it's becoming a part of who I am?

One of my course in school is talking about corporate Brands and one of the question that was raised in class is do brands become what they are because of the consumer's consumption? Meaning - do companies create the brand or is it we, the people who buy it and therefore strenghten the signal they are supposed to mean for people?

I never thought I was a brand person, buying and using brands just because they are cool.
But I do.. but maybe not for the coolness of them but for the sentimental value they have with me.
They are part of me - who I am and what I stand for, in some way.

I think it's very interesting to look at people this way and see if they are aware of this.
Because I think I'm not the only one that uses branded material to state my identity, who I am.
I think we all do in one way.
Do you buy organic?
You prefer fair trade goods?
You buy Nike because of their link with the atheletes?

Now always, but most of the time there is reason behind our purchases.
Are we aware of them, that's my question.
Facebook definetly is a part of me and my way to communicate.

- with love -

obsessed much?

Somehow, these days, I'm constantly tired.
I started this semester so hard core, making sure I will not stay behind, misunderstand or fail my courses.
Now I can not even read one chapter :s

But besides these mild uncomforts I'm doing great.
School really is challenging me and my thoughts. I'm loving it :)

Why do people get obsessed with certain people/things?
I'm wondering as I seem to become easily obsessed with things I find interesting.
Then I just dont think of anything else, I share it with everyone and try to learn as much about it as possible.
What is it do be obsessed?

To preoccupy the mind of excessively.
v. intr.
To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic
- from dictionary.com

How can you find the line between "normality" and "obsession"?
I dont think we will find that solution in a dictionary. But then again I dont think I know where to search.
Should you just feel it?
What if you dont?
What can happen if you overstep the line - even so far that the line becomes just a dot to you ( Joey Tribbiani - Friends )
I wonder.

Maybe obsession is normal in small doses - it keeps us interested in people/things and motivates us to learn more, be more.
But as long as you dont go too far from the mentioned "line".
I wonder.

I dont expect to come to a concrete answer - I will just stay a little obsessed with my things and hoping I can always keep the line in sight, stay interested and move on when the time is right ;)

- with love -

world of challenge leads to a better me

Three weeks already and my first two courses are about to end – with a big essay where I have to analyze business strategies and alignment of organizational identity within an organization of my own choosing.
What company should I choose?

It’s interesting to be reading about organizational culture and identity. I can relate many of the readings to my own experience, both inside an organization as well as just personal experience. Being new here in Copenhagen is bringing culture shocks and challenging my personal identity and what I stand for as an individual.

I feel challenged every day here.
The amount of reading materials is not something I’m used to, riding my bike in a different traffic ( and just trying to ride the bike after years of no practice hehe ), staying focused in classes, being analytical of the texts I’m reading, trying to get used to cook in the new kitchen, not understanding what people are saying and so many more.

But without challenge I wouldn’t want to strive to overcome them and become better, stronger, faster and able to speak Danish. Without constant challenge I would just be.
I don’t want to just be – I want to be great! I want to overcome these challenges and find the next ones as they will be harder, deeper, different.

I’m still trying to adjust to living in Denmark, learning what I can do after school, during weekends. Where I can sit down with a coffee or a beer, where I can meet friends, sit down and enjoy the weather.
I’m still learning. So far I think I’m doing good. But that doesn’t mean I could do better – I know I could!

-with love-

strengthen my faith to survive

It's already been 2 weeks since I moved from Iceland to Denmark, I'm getting settled in already, my room looks quite good and now it's just getting into the learning mood - reading all the time and have this analytical thinking.
it's just harder then I expected :)

As I sit a little longer at school looking at people that strike me as being so completely different from each other, with different backgrounds and different ways of thinking, I start to look at myself and ways that I am using my background and contributing with my different thinking - Am I doing that?

I sometimes doubt myself when I look at those people around me, I doubt my intellegence, I doubt my points in discussions and I doubt that I'm making a big fool of myself when I am trying to communicate.

“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.” – Kahlil Gibran

I think that the reason I'm feeling this little these days is that I'm not comfortable in the environment yet, I haven't build up my self esteem amongst my peers. But that's what they are - my peers. They are no better/worse then I am. Just different and I need to overcome the doubt that my difference will not be accepted/understood and just go with the flow.

I dont want to keep this longer as I need to continue studying.
I just wanted to get back to these thoughts that I'm having and what I feel is my way out of situations that I have gotten myself in, no matter if they are rightly there or not!

- with love and faith -

what have you got to say about your life?

Today is the last day of August and Septmber and the autumn is just behind the corner.
A lot of things have been going through my mind since I came to Copenhagen as this is a rush of experiences, feelings and learnings.

I'm currently sitting at my school, waiting for the first class of my Master program to start - Business Strategies - and I have a tingle in my stomach.
It's all about to begin.

I was watching a movie yesterday, Set it off with Jada Pinkett and my favorite actress Queen Latifah. I have seen this movie before, it's sad, it's heart breaking but still it has a good message in the end.
Short term solutions might seem the best way to go - but if you want to change, take a different course in life and get out of the hard life you are living, you have to plan forward. You have to realize how your short term plans and actions are contributing to where you see yourself in 5 years from now.

The girls in the movie didn't get that. Easy money and life was great. Until the Consequences caught up with them and they had to pay.

It was just interesting to see and hear how people in certain aspects believe that they do not deserve any better then what they have at the moment.
Is that correct? No!!
If so, then society ( in my opinion ) would never evolve as people were to afraid to learn, to adapt, to change.

Well, I just wanted to put this thought out there as I have to start learning and I had to release these thoughts :)
- with love -

reality to the right - wonderland to the left

It's saturday night and I'm sitting at home, listening to music and working on my computer.
what comes to my mind is the change that is about to take place in my life in the coming week. But also the fact that I will miss my family and friends and face the challenge to make new friends.
Yes I do believe it is a challenge - to make new friends. why I'm not sure... maybe because I dont have all that confidence I should have?

It's strange.. I planned to go up north this weekend, party with friends and see some friends play for the first time in a band on a stage.
But reality sank in, I have too many things to organize, plan and pack before I leave this lovely country of mine.
I realized that, even though I'm fairly organized individual, I'm very unorganized and my prioritation could be questioned. But I always see it in the end - let's hope I always manage before it's too late!

Reality.. what an interesting word.
What is my reality? Where does the reality end and my dream/hopes begin?
Reality is easy to change but I think people ( including me ) dont realize how to.
for those who believe in the "secret" reality is what they dream of - it becomes true!
That's great.
As I listen to Aerosmith with the song "walk this way" I start thinking about the paths that I have been walking and the reality they belonged to.
So I'm just gonna walk this way - that I'm on now - and when the time comes, I will change my reality according to what I want, where I'm heading and how I see would be the best for me!
It's that easy ;)

Well, I'm off to sleep
-with love-

happy as a hippo?

as I have mentioned here before - even though I dont blog things are still running crazy around in my head. This is no exeption!

In just few days a new chapter in my life will start and I'm getting so excited about it. It's a chapter I chose for myself with a lot of thinking and soulsearching.
And It's almost here.

A new chapter which includes both a new challenge in educaion as well to move and adapt to a new country, new environment, new culture.
I'm ready.

I had a very interesing talks with two friends, Lyuba and Hildur, the other day.
We meet to talk about how to find the paths we want to take in life, choices and action steps towards personal development.
I realized I have many ways to work, may good and some not so good. I like sharing my experience and find out options for friends to gain a valuable experiences, finding themselves and be happy - whatever happiness means to them!

What is happiness?
I believe 2 people have exactly the same deffinition on what happiness is for them.
and maybe due to that people question the fact they will ever find happiness.
My opinion is this,
You have to understand who you are and what makes you happy, what is happiness to you!
Without this basic understanding of you, you are running wildly tryig to catch something that might not even be valuable for you.
But I dont think people realize that happiness can be different from one person to the next.

I am one step closer to fully understand what happiness is to me.
At this point in life I am as happy as I can be, with he understanding that I have of myself.

-with love-

a choice a way from experience

as July has come to an end and my favorite month starts with pouring rain and freezing cold I feel satisfied.
July was a hell of a month with hard work, meeting friends and being extremely proud of the summer course I was cooperating on.

In a hard time like Iceland is facing these days, to be supporting 20 new entrepreneurial companies to start business is an amazing feeling. It's kind a hard to explain.. you just have to experience it your self..
the feeling of joy, of success, of gratitude to those who also made this happen and to participants who managed to make this experience come to life.

Now, as I sit at my cousins place up west, I start to think about all the action steps that have led me to where I am today.
it's all about choices and not being afraid to take them.
You never know if they are the right ones for you at the time.. but with every choice and decision you are at least one step closer to another experience.
If you are too afraid - you just stay at same place and dont develop.
that's my experience

So from january this year I have been trying to take smart decisions that lead me to where I want to be.. and so far I have managed to come safe and stronger from each choice I have made.

Choices are so important and to tell people about your choice builds a commitment towards it.
Then you are more likely to stay true to the choice and where it leads you.
Personally I know, there are some choices I have to make - for myself - but I dont speak about them to others so there is no commitment building on my part!
I know this about myself, I know the choices and the decision I have to make but I just dont want to!
What is that all about?

Well.. first step I guess is to realize I have to make a choice.
Then to make it
Then to stick by it ( that's the hardest part sometimes )
then to enjoy the good things that come from this decision!

Hopefully I manage soon!

- with love -

building a dream on sand!

How easy is it to create a feeling? or rekindle a feeling you thought had left your life?
I know I'm a very sensitive person who feels a lot, but for example love - doesn't come easy to me.
I fall easily but the fall is always short and fades away soon!
But the feeling comes quickly - it doesn't take a lot
Why?

Maybe it's just because I know how it feels to be in love and it's a feeling I wouldn't mind feeling again. So I'm trying to slowly but steadily to get there?
oh man.. just a random thinking I know but it is something that I have been thinking about as I have noticed this with me.

Maybe it's because I like this tingling feeling of liking someone.
but why does it come so fast and fade a way even faster?
Who knows.. certainly not me :p

Even though the tingling feeling is nice, I sometimes dream to much and build ideas on sand... then when it rains my dream is shattered.. and I'm left without a tingling and have to start all over again.
So I ask again.. why am I creating feelings that most likely are built on sand?
What encourages me?
What do I stand to gain? or loose?

I guess I have some more thinking to do!
-with love-

expanding my zones of comfort

I think people are afraid of stepping out of their comfort zone, trying things they have never done before and meet people they usually would not meet.
I experienced this yesterday when I decided to step out of my comfort zone and go to a metal concert with three Icelandic metal bands.
This was my first time, I was feeling a little nervous about not fitting in but I also had this excitement feeling in my stomach.
I wanted to try!

I dont think I have been so nervous about what to wear in years. Usually I dont care, but yesterday I was nervous. I had to get help from my sister-in-law.
But when I was sure of the outfit then all fell into place. I was feeling much much more secure.
It was just this first step towards something new that was scary..
When that was done I new I would just enjoy this experience with friends who by the way were also stepping outside their comfort zones.
There's power in support I have noticed!

By now I have gotten to know more people, new type of music and Icelandic band that is about to tour all over Europe but I had never even heard of them.
So I have to admit, taking this step yesterday and just go with the flow and not being to uptight - that has been paying off for me this summer.
I feel good about this.
Actually, I feel great!

I wish more people would do this, not being afraid.
Then I guess understanding, patience and potential cooperation would be easier amongst people!
Just a thought.

- with love -

Body and mind

Our bodies are very interesting "invention".
No matter how hard we work it without little or no rest it proves that it can take almost everything we bring..
But for a short period of time - I mean - without proper resting and relaxing.

This, I am feeling right now.
I have been working maybe a little to much without a day off and relaxing.
Today I felt the consequences.
I had fever, head ache and felt really bad.

Of course I started taking it more easy but it's hard when you are at work.;)
Did I listen to the body?
Neh, I knew I should have gone straight home after work, rest and maybe even take a bath.
But I decided to meet a friend.
Of course I do not regret that decision as i haven't met her in a long time.
But I also feel as I get home early that I needed it.

So now I'm starting to realize that if I want to be able to take Copenhagen head on I need to take it easy now.
Even though I am enjoying working so much.. I need to rest, relax and charge my batteries.
I will need them full when I go back to school.

Yes,
Your bodies and minds are amazing.
How much we can use them.
But I think we dont use them as much as we should - in a proper way at least ;)
Anyway..
I'm starting to talk crazy..
I'm going to sleep, resting my body as well as mind.

- with love -

what I make of life

I started to blog yesterday but I never got the time to finish it.
So let's just start again!
Today I finished a big working schedule - 13 days without a day off - and I managed. Although I can admit that this morning I was not really ready to wake up.
But I always enjoy going to work.

It's so strange but I feel like when I keep myself so busy I dont really have time to sit down and reflect on my thoughts, experiences and feelings.
Like when I was in Paris.
Then, I was feeling so much but with a lot of time to digest the feelings and thoughts that came with.
Now, my feelings have not faded but my time to sit down and analyze what they actually mean is less these days then I actually would like.

A sentence was said to me today at work - "work is what you make of it" and I do agree.
I think both work and life is what you make of it. And now, I want to be happy... So I am happy.
Even though I havent had many days off I still enjoy the work I'm doing, the people I work with and I know I will be able to use the salaries in a good way towards something that I really want - my studies!

So you can basically say, I'm grabbing life by it's head and making it be as I want it to be.. as beautiful as it can be... and stay as happy as I can be!
Positive attitude is the key, that I have really figured out!

- with love -

Self awareness but no will power?

Time is flying so fast these days that I feel like I'm loosing balance. I can not finish everything I need. Or that's my feeling.
But even though this feeling is there I still enjoy my life, my work, my activities.

There is something extremely frustrating about myself that I can not seem to figure out a solution to.
I have so many ideas of what I want to do for my self and I know they are good for me, but I dont make them happen.
I keep thinking... I'll start on monday.
Then monday comes and I think.... man, I will start on wednesday or something.
And all the time when I'm procrastinating these action steps i should take, there is a tiny voice in my head saying.. Thordis, you lazy bastard.

Where do people find the strength, skills and will power to change their behavior from one way to a better but more challenging way?
And what is it that is making me so lazy to go the direction I know is good for me?
What to do when you know the destination but the journey there is still a mystery?
What then?

If you figure this out, please let me know.
I need to do something.
I know that.
But I just need to figure out how I get myself to do it!

- with love -

Life sure is beautiful

A new month has arrived and life sure is beautiful.

I enjoy my work, I'm doing interesting things in my free time like snorkeling, Whale watching and spending time with friends and family.
And the best thing of all is that life sure is following my idea of where to go.
I got accepted to CBS for my master studies in Economics and business administration - with focus on Strategy, organization and leadership :)
And that makes me just so much more happier.

So as July starts with big bangs that are so many things that I need to start thinking of, plan, organize and do.
but somehow I can not seem to find the time.

Getting accepted to CBS is a milestone for me towards my goals in the future.
I was so scared that I wouldn't get accepted as there were so many people applying.
But I did.
Leaving to Denmark brings me closer to what I want to do in life, it's what I'm passionate about and I'm looking SO much forward to take on this challenge and also live in a different country.

I do feel blessed, I feel lucky and I feel happy these days!

Life sure is beautiful. :)
- with love -

One yes towards a good experience!

June is about to end and I feel like it started yesterday. Time has flied so fast and when I look back I see why it has gone so fast. I'm working, working and keeping busy after work as well.
No relaxation for me! ;)

This weekend I went out of my comfort zone a bit. Not by doing something different then I'm used to but saying yes when I feel like saying no!
But I'm so glad I said yes in both occasions.

Both occasions gave me something, I met new people and had amazing fun.
When I think back, that's so priceless and I was just one NO away from not experiencing it!
How sad would that have been.

But today is a beginning of a new week with work and new challenges.
I was going to relax this weekend, but that somehow went out of the window.
Relaxation is needed.. I will try to get some today!
Lets see how that goes.
I hope for it.

-with love-

a live message - inspired!

I'm sitting in a university class room, listening to a friend of mine talking about his experience in making a business plans.
The reason is...
it's Thursday's class in "establish your own company" and we are making sure that participants understand what a business plan is and how to do it!
So important!

So why am I blogging and not listening to carefully?
I wanted to share something with those who read this.

I'm very inspired by people around me.
I'm also working on my own business plan in relations to markets in Asia.
I have many more ideas about possibilities that are lying all over Iceland.
I feel empowered by my own abilities, motivation and passion.
I'm following a dream!

And the best thing is also.. the people here are also following their dreams.
And I'm supporting them in making it come true!
How cool is that??? :)

there is only one thing today that can make life even better ( it's great as it is)and hopefully I will know in 2-3 weeks!
Cross our fingers!

- with love and inspiration -

Vision towards impact

June has been a very demotivating month for me regarding writing my thoughts here.
I have many things going on in my mind but they somehow dont feel "writable" here, not sure why.

Even though, things are really happening in my life. I finally got a job, and when I did I managed to get 2 this summer :)
So hopefully I'm getting into a routine and therefore become more effective in using my time ( not that I wasn't - I can be so much better ;) )

There is one thing that I did want to share and that's the regarding family.
I am always learning more and more about my family and what members are interested in.
I'm building relationships with people and I'm working towards great ideas with laughter and motivation.
That is amazing feeling. Becoming closer to family by working and sharing ideas on a topic both people are interested in!
Love it!

And the idea I'm working on is super exciting. Water in Iceland is plenty.. other places face Water Bankruptcy.
I wanna make some positive impact in that area.
Now I'm learning, finding ways if possible and seeing where my idea could be of best use for people both in Asia and also in Iceland.
What an exciting project to be working on.
But of course, as a true entrepreneur and pro activist I have more projects lining up!
What will happen with them will just come clear soon!

But as I still feel a little blank writing here I think this will be the end.
I have work tomorrow and then I will put the 'water project' hat on again and continue finding my path towards impact :)

-with love-

No wind in my sails today!

There is a saying that says " you never know what you have until you loose it".
Today I'm living this saying, this feeling, this emptiness.

Today I got 2 extremely bad news that just took all the wind out of me. I walked around, went back to bed, cried and reflected.
A person I knew few years ago was found dead at his room yesterday morning. It's so sad to hear. It's always sad when a young person in the prime of life is taken earlier then we expected.
I have not stayed in touch with him for years but we were in the same class all though school. So in a way we grew up together.
He lived in the same street as I did when I was younger but went in a different direction then I did.
That happens.
What surprised me is my reactions.
I cried and cried.
I lost all energy,
and I keep thinking that life's too short to play games and not dream.

A friend told me this and all I could do is think.
Think about why?
A sentence I wrote couple of years ago goes something like this:
"I believe that good people that leave this life too soon are meant to be angels"
I do believe that.
they are meant to guide others from a distance.
They have some knowledge or skill that is needed for others walking on the earth.
I do believe this.

Without all energy today my mind has gone crazy.
thinking about love, life, dreams, hopes, fears and family.
If I only live once I need to get the most out of the life. How?

I feel compassion and sympathy to this young mans family and friends.
I wish them all the best and I hope there will be light in the end of this experience.
I sincerely hope they get through this horrible time.

My mind is still going crazy.
I have things to think about. things to decide and things to try and see if they are meant to be.
We only live once.
Let's make the most of it.
-with love -

Happiness flowing around

It's been a long time since I actually wanted to write something down, open up and share.
These past days I have been more positive and normally, I smile more and love being around the people in my life.
I mentioned this to my mom the other day and she completely agreed with me. I behave happier :)

One of the things that made me realize this is the fact that no matter where I go I get great service and smiles from people.

I believe in karma, the law of "what goes around, comes around".
I like to talk to happy people, so if I'm sending out positive vibes I hopefully get positive reactions from people.

Life is good and I'm grabbing all opportunities to learn more, meet my friends and make sure I keep on smiling.
If I connect today's feelings to previous post, I still have a crush, but I'm enjoying it. I have decided "whatever happens is the right thing to happen!"
Potentially that is also influencing my happiness level.

Next few days look exciting, they look busy and challenging and I'm glad.
My mom says I'm the most busiest unemployment person she knows ;)
That's good!
I dont want to relax too much just because I dont have a job yet. That is no excuse.

So, now it's all power forward with new task, new potential job, team building and parties.
And of course making sure I stay happy :)

Having a crush is tough!

I am sitting in the living room looking out the window, listening to music and thinking.
What comes to mind is not the parties I have been invited to tonight nor Facebook although it's open as well.
What I'm thinking about is me, my behavior when I like someone and if I actually like the person or if it's just being smitten.

When I like someone I always feel so insecure, I'm too aware of myself and I'm afraid of overdoing things.
it's ironic, the song currently playing is called "everybody's got the right to love" by The supremes.
The reason I find this ironic is because I personally am not so sure this sentence belongs to me. I sometimes do wonder.

Ok, this is a little dramatic, I know. it's just one of these nights where drama is crawling all over my thoughts and I have to get it out one way or another.
So what is the reason behind my drama and 'deep' thoughts tonight?

Well, honestly, the reason is that I'm afraid I might be falling for someone. :s
I do not like situations where I feel so uncomfortable and I have no control to influence the situation I'm in.
I dont like falling.

This is such a paradox when I think about it.
I dont like falling for someone, the feeling of being insecure, trying to show my worth. It makes me uncomfortable. Feeling like I'm constantly competing when I'm not.
But I do like the feeling when I'm over these fears and obstacles and I can think positively about this guy. When I can just enjoy the smart things he does and says.

These next days will be interesting.
Will I continue feeling uncomfortable and therefore fight against my potential crush OR will I look the other way and start feeling positive about the situation?

I think people should look at it as a blessing to find someone they connect on this level, where a crush and more are potential.
So why cant I look at it like that as well?
I will try!



- with love and potential crush -

Fear of being small

I met up with an old friend yesterday after few years.
I have to admit I was a little nervous, not because we wouldn't have stuff to talk about but more on if we had become SO different that what we had to say wouldn't be interesting to the other one.

Of course this feeling was based on fear, a fear that went a way soon.
It was great catching up and I realized we had much to talk about. Cultural understanding and awareness is a big interest for both of us.

In my opinion we had extremely deep and interesting conversation and I really enjoyed the topics.

On my way home I started to think.
- why are we always doubting ourselves?
My fear was built on doubt that a person wouldn't find my conversation interesting.
I'm glad that I this doubt didn't stop me from meeting my friend.

But I'm sure that a lot of people let these doubts and fears stop them in actually living, building relationships and discover themselves.
People doubt their intelligence in conversations, in idea sharing and would rather stay silent then face people saying " I dont agree" or "I dont feel the same way".

I was like that, I had hard time speaking up, sharing my thoughts and enter conversations.
Not any more, thankfully :)
Now I enjoy conversations where the words "I dont agree" are used.
I'm beating back my fear as I feel that dialogues, conversations and listening to other people's opinion brings me closer to my own opinion and idea. So I value that.

Feeling nervous yesterday was strange but I think it's normal. Just as long as I realize that I have something to bring to people and the fear doesn't stop me in meeting people and have fun!

- with love -

I dream of sleep

These passed few nights I have been having problems sleeping. I'm waking up too early and i'm completely dead in the evenings.
Why this is happening I have no idea.
I dont feel stressed, I dont feel super excited.
But I dream all night.
I think my dreams are keeping my from falling into a deep sleep.

The dreams are vivid and real, I feel like a part of them.
Usually they are good.
There is passion in them, excitement fear and joy.
Maybe these dreams are draining my energy? :s

Even though I'm not stressed there are many things going through my mind, many things that I'm learning and many things I wish to learn as well.
So when my body is ready to rest, my mind is still going strong. Maybe that's the reason I'm having hard time falling a sleep.
- but why I keep on waking up so early when I'm still dead tired I have no idea of.
- What is the reason my body and soul are refusing to get rest when it deserves it?

Despite these complains I'm making I'm actually doing quite good.
I constantly try to challenge myself, my views and ideas and I feel that I'm building new friendships.
I am keeping myself busy, with learning new things, reading and meeting my friends :)
- Maybe that's the reason I'm having hard time to fall asleep and I keep on waking up early?
Because I'm constantly reflecting, rethinking and challenging myself and my environment that it's effecting my consciousness in some way?
- Could that be it?

Well, I hope for a good night sleep these next days, enough energy to take on my tasks and stay positive towards this new but challenging life I'm leading!

- with love -

understanding who I am this summer!

The new project I'm working so hard on this summer is a 10 weeks course in "create your company" for people trying to build a stable future for themselves.
The course is for free for participants and we, the organizers, are donating our time and energy. We wanted to give back to the society.

This is the reason why I'm pursuing my interest on entrepreneurship and reading a lot on the topic.
I'm learning how much I have "missed out" being in AIESEC and not building my network within the Icelandic business life.

Although I dont regret ANYTHING, I still see I could have networked more ;)

Talking to the group I would with is extremely useful and I find it motivating. I joined the course to learn to follow through my ideas on business and I'm getting extremely excited.
I offered my time and support and here I am, one of the organizer of this course.

I find it so satisfying doing this kind a work, seeing that society is benefiting as well as working with group of people that challenge my thoughts. Thats rewarding.
Challenging my views is something I find important.
I have realized that I learn the most about my beliefs and values, what I think and where I plan to go, if I share with people and ask for constructive feedback.
Learning what others do, think and viewpoints is so valuable.

I have high hopes for my personal development this summer!
So I say - Bring it on! :)

- with love -

Passionate all over again!

Still no job in sight, my money are running low but my moral hasn't been so high in a long time.
I'm enjoying life, going sea swimming, working with passion for my newest project and making sure AIESEC in Iceland is draining my knowledge ;). Love it!

Few days ago a friend of mine told me that my blog has been all about whining and it's true. Although hearing it was strange I dont regret posting any of the thoughts. But it made me conscious of posting now about the positive things happening in my life.
It also made me think that now I'm so much happier then I was one month ago.

I feel reconnected with the former, happy me and I feel more passionate about others as well as issues in my environment. I'm actually caring.
And with care comes smile and satisfaction. At least with me.

I dont have much more to say so I'm not going to drag this text out too long.
I'm just happy to be my "old self again" and doing something worth doing, something that I'm passionate about!

- with love -

on becoming an entrepreneur?

Even though I am unemployed and no prospects of a summer job in sight I will manage to keep myself busy.
Honestly, I think I would be depressed already if I would just stay at home all day.

As I keep busy, my mind is at work. But somehow my thoughts haven't been clear enough to put on paper/blog.
I have been missing the feeling of expressing myself and really reflecting on my thoughts.

I'm tying new things, I'm meeting new people and I'm learning something new everyday. I keep stepping outside my comfort zone a little and saying YES!
New people I meet, old friends/family I see again, it doesn't matter. I am taking something out of the encounters and talks. I feel it.

Currently I'm getting myself into the entrepreneurial area in Iceland and even though this is an huge interest area of mine I realize I dont know anything about it.
And I'm constantly impressed by people who are already in this area, environment, getting ideas and actually making them happen.
"it doesn't matter what you know or can do, it matter what you do".
it's a saying I heard yesterday when I was attending a seminar on entrepreneurship in Iceland and I do believe it's true.

And I know and can do a lot of things, but in the end.. do I make it happen?
Do I let my actions tell my story?
I plan to from now on!
Because I admire those people.

-with love-

Knowing your friends

Awareness of others? What does that mean?
- that you know a lot of people?
- that you know your friends?
- that you can read your friends emotions?

If you look at my facebook profile you would see that according to facebook I have a lot of friends. One could say I'm popular ;)
The thing is though, not all of those people are people I know well. I would say I have a lot of acquaintances. Facebook is an amazing tool for me to stay connected to these people I meet at conferences.
Anyway, that was a little site tour from what I started out to write.

Awareness of others for me is that you try to get to know the person on a deeper personal level, you learn how to read their feelings and emotions, and they dont feel uncomfortable sharing with you.
In a way, to master the awareness you need, in my opinion, the empathy competency.

My personal competencies are not rich with empathy. Honestly I find it quite hard to read people's emotions from talking to them.
I was never aware of this level of communication, empathy, until AIESEC began with their competency model.
After getting to know this though, I realized that some people actually have this skill of being empathy.

As I try to get to know my family and friends more on a deeper, more personal level, I see that this skill, empathy, is something I need to work on.

Finding out who my family members are, how they feel and what they have to say is extremely interesting quest for me. I learn about myself, my communication skills as well as knowing more about this family I belong to.
For a person with family as their main value, how can this discovery not be a pleasure!

I once heard a man, Stuart Knight, on YouTube where he has left messages to people. This message I am referring to is a message about the Art of conversation, where he is talking about the questions we ask in order to define the level of intimacy you will have with that person.
Usually, those questions we choose are very shallow like;
- What do you do?
- what do you think of the weather? and so on

Why not, when you are in a conversation with someone, preferable a friend, take the level of intimacy higher and ask questions you really want to know the answer to about your friends, like;
- What are your values as an individual and what does that mean?
- what does love mean to you? and more along these lines.

I think, if you really want to be aware of others, you have to put some effort in it. Listen, ask the 'right' questions and try to understand how people feel.
- but please, also be careful of not pushing topics of your interests on to people when you feel they are not ready to discuss them.
Finding the balance in this is another skill one has to adapt and develop in order to be aware.

Yeah, a lot of thoughts going on in my mind when first days of May are showing it's bright colors.
I wanna leave you with the message from Stuart Knight. Enjoy and think about others.

-with love and awareness-

wisdom within a new month

As April comes to and end I realize that my mind is at ease. My longing for writing are less as I dont feel just as locked in uncomfortable environment as I was.
I'm expressing myself more and often with my friends and family.

I heard a quote in one of these teenage Drama TV-shows I'm watching since I came home and I wanted to share with 'everyone' who reads this site.
"Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late"
- Benjamin Franklin

I find this quote very true and that makes me sad.
When we grow up we became 'old', the spark we had, fire, the passion goes away easier. Which it shouldn't.
As we grow 'older' we gain more experience and knowledge we should use to keep us 'young', willing to continue, keep being passionate.

The part of the quote feeling about becoming wise too late, I also think is true.
As we grow older and experience life, we are not really thinking about the learning we can take from it.
Not until it's too late.
We think we know it all - even though we really know deep inside we dont!
That's my opinion in this.

Yes, this is an interesting quote that made we think as a new month is just around the corner.
- How can I learn from April to make sure I'm wiser for it?
- what can I do in May to keep my 'youth'?
I'll see
It's time for reflection now :)

-with love-

I value my family!

I am back home in Iceland, been back for almost a week now.
It's amazing how the environment can effect you, the people around and the atmosphere.
Although I have no schedule, no work to do, I still enjoy my days. They fly by fast.
I dont think I realized how badly I was feeling.

I wrote in my previous post here that I have been living my values this time I spent in Paris.
I made my values clear to myself and I should not compromise.
But I did.

So, being back home, I promised myself 'I will not compromise. I will live my values'
One of my values is my family.

On Sunday I heard an awful news. Grandparents of one of my family members were violated and robbed. It was horrible to hear about the burglary and the violence the people had to suffer but what struck me hardest was the fact that the person setting the whole burglary up is related to my family member. the person was another grandchild of the grandparents.
It's even harder when you realize it was your family, your blood, that cheated on you, hurt you, let you down.

This made me think of how fortunate I am for knowing my values and understand what it is I have to do in order to live my values and cherish my family and support them as I can.

I knew when I came home that situation in my beloved country was bad. There is no sign of a job for me, my family is struggling and I want to help. But I cant.
I feel so helpless, a feeling I'm not used to and I dont like.
My brain is working overtime to find ways to turn this struggle to opportunities, find ways to support my family.
- But how can you 'turn your frown upside down' when everything looks so dark, things are heavy and opportunities few?
- What can I do?
- Where do the opportunities lie?

My family means the world to me.
I will figure something out!
I will! :)

-with love-

It's still me - a new and better one!

today, the last day in Paris, I feel no sadness or regret.
I actually can not wait for this chapter of my life to end and for the new one to take over.

It's quite interesting, this feeling of having nothing to say about leaving.
I feel like I have said everything before. Shared my feelings.

A song by Jason Mraz has a sentence in it - "go make your next choice be your best choice" - and I'm sure that I have made the best choice for me in the situation I was in.
I feel relieved.

what awaits me when I get home, I have no idea of.
But what I do know is that it will be better then here.
I'm searching for opportunities to take, doors to open and windows to crawl in.
The path of opportunities is narrow and short though in Iceland.

Where my choices take me I can never know until I'm there.
But I'm more then ready for a new adventure, new challenge that is the right one for me, a life with passion and smiles.

I was talking to a dear friend this week and he asked me what I felt about the time spend in the current role.
My answer was then, with no doubt - Waist of time.
But as I think more on his question and my answer I challenge my answer.
It hasn't been a waist of time at all.
but it has been hard though.
but not waist of time.

If I would think about this as waist of time, then everything I have done, people I have met, places I have been to - that wouldn't be worth mentioning.
And I do appreciate new friends I have met, old friends I saw again, places I visited for the first time, places I visited over and over again.
I love it!

I do think I have become a stronger person in this chapter of my life.
I feel it, my family feels it as well.
I am more clear on what I want in life, I have lived my values and strengthen my relationship with family and friends.

It's the same old me-but with more value and experience.
How can that be a waist of time?

I look forward to the new chapter, and to become a 'new' me!

-with love-

Reality of Romance

Yesterdays skies was extremely beautiful, dark blue and clear but no stars though. This view, with the lights from buildings, cinema's and cafe's made my walk home very pleasant.

Its in these times, moments, when I feel how romantic the city can be. It felt like a movie scene.
I will miss Paris when I leave in just few days. Paris is becoming part of me - Or I becoming a part of Paris :)

Although I wait eagerly to fly home there is a tiny thought saying 'I wish things would have been different'. Not only because then I would have enjoyed my job but also because I would have spent longer time here, in the city of love and romance.

Paris, the city of Romance?
Yes for sure although I haven't been here with a loved one to try it out. So I will have to take people's word for it.
And sometimes men here do not behave very romantically with women.

- So what is it with this city that makes it so romantic?
- And is this romance only to be experienced if you are in love?

No, I dont think so. I'm not in love but yesterday night I felt the romance of the city.
I asked a question on facebook few weeks ago that goes something like this.
"is it possible to love a reality that we dont know?"
A friend of mine said "Yes, it's called romanticism". Thanks Gorjan because now I do believe that is true.
I think the answer to my question about Paris lies in this answer/question as well.

Paris is romantic because you never know what to expect, you love whatever comes your way because Paris, not matter what, will never let you down. With it's beautiful buildings, amazing parks, views like you have never seen before, people being open and warm.. How can it not be romantic?

Paris is a reality I know, I live here. I see it every day.
One might wonder that the romance would fade away , as it tends to do.
- how do I make sure to keep the romance alive?
My answer to that question is this;
Embrace what Paris has to offer, big and small. Smile and look around. Be open for the romance and see the beauty that is all around, the atmosphere is screaming 'romance'. you just have to listen.

Yes, I'm sure I'll miss Paris.
Even though I have had to experience the romance by myself I still feel it has been worth it.
Now, at least, I can not claim to be not romantic ;)

Who knows.. maybe I'll be back one day with my husband and share these romantic feelings the city has shown me, with the one I love :)
You never know!!

-with love-

Finding the words to say Goodbye

My mind is no longer here in Paris as days pass and I have just few more days until I leave this chapter of my life and head back home to Iceland.

Last night I had to write a letter.
it was hard, it was strange, it was needed.
Saying my final goodbyes to a role and potentially to an organization that I have been a part of for 1/5 of my life.
Saying goodbye is always hard, specially when a big 'thing' is about to leave your life.

I have had to say goodbye before, with sadness and regret, hoping it wouldn't actually go away. A closed chapter I wanted to continue.
I remember all my tears I cried after saying those goodbyes.
I remember feeling bad for days and not thinking about anything else.

This time it's different.

There are no tears that follow this goodbye, there is no regret or hope for continue.
But there is of course little sadness.
5 years is a long time and I will feel something as I start closing this chapter and getting ready to start an new one.

The letter will be sent.
That will be my closure!

- with love -

Sailing through life on a friendship!

Yesterday was the second day of Easter, my friends left and reality has taken over again.
Yesterday evening I was sitting on my bed playing cards when I started to hear a familiar music, marching band music, so I opened the window to hear better.

Then i realized. This is what Paris is all about. I was standing half out of the window in my pajamas listening to french brass band music in an amazing weather.
So I took some pillows and sat down in the window just to get that french feeling and enjoy the music better.
This felt so great!

As I wrote here yesterday these past few days I had friends over to experience Paris with me and it made me think about the topic of 'Friendship'.
Now I do not consider me having few friends, on the contrary I think I have quite many, but I believe I have just few 'best' friends.

As I reflect on this topic I find my self not having hard time making friends, getting people to open up but my question that comes from these reflections is;
"How does a friend become 'Best' friend?"

What I mean is, what has to happen/be said for my friends/acquaintances to go from one level of friendship to the next one?

I somewhere read that if you can count the number of real true friends on one hand you truly are wealthy.
Now I have to use both hands to count my real true friends, best friends, and I start to wonder how come I'm so lucky to have some many true friends in my life when others dont manage to get even one handful of them?

I once wrote here that you choose your friends wisely without knowing it. And then I wonder again..
"How do you 'choose' your friends?"

I'm so thankful for all my friends, best ones as well as others, and I look forward to continue building those amazing friendships.

p.s. this reminds me of a SMS I received few years back, forgive me if I dont remember 100% the wordings.
"There might be stormy seas and rocky shores but the friendship is the only ship built to survive them all"

-with love-

Brightness in the darkest hour!

No matter how dark life seems at times,
no matter how low I get.
No matter how alone I feel
or how frustrated about my situation/surroundings I get

there is always something that makes me smile, makes time fly, makes me feel alive

These 'somethings' are my friends :)

Having friends over for Easter here in Paris made me forget that I'm counting the days until I get back home to Iceland.
I laughed
I smiled
I enjoyed Paris
I had fun with my friends

The past six days gave me the energy to go on, to finish as well as I can and also gave me good memories I will treasure.
I visited so many places I hadn't been before in Paris.
I had pick nicks in church gardens
I experiences culture first hand by visiting Andy Warhol exhibition, Chinese museum, seeing Mona Lisa and Venus De Milo.
I went to the top of Paris at Sacré Caeur, Eiffel tower and breathed French air as we walked through the amazing parks in Paris with sun shining down on my face.
I even managed to get tanned ;)

My friends experienced my life, where I work and how I live. Where I shop, how I eat, where I spend my time off and they understood why I am often feeling the way I do!
Having my friends experiencing and understanding means a lot!

Paris has a new meaning for me, it gave me different memories and I'm extremely happy with that.
I look forward meeting my friends back home in Iceland for our next adventure!

-with love-

My Parisian experience - Part II

As my stay in Paris is about to come to an end I have started to think about what this city means to me.
Then I remembered that I posted here my thoughts about Paris after 2 weeks in the city and I wanted to kind a go back to them and see where I am today!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Parisian experience
Tomorrow I have been in Paris for 2 weeks already. It just feels like 2 days.

I haven't been much around the city, I haven't been doing much outside AIESEC and I havent meet many people that are not AIESECers. Despite those facts, I'm having the time of my life here.
How can I not?
I'm living in Paris :)

This morning, on my way to the office, I started thinking about my perceptions of Paris.
- it's crowded city
- some places smell like Pee
- there are more homeless people here then I have seen in other cities
- it's so alive 24/7, people are everywhere
- so far it's only rained once ( and then it really rained )
- Random men talking to you on the street "Belle" "Bonjour" "Ca Va" etc.
- When it's sunny outside the city is so pretty
- People read all the time, I really enjoy that
- wine culture is big
- sitting at cafés all hours is generally accepted by the French people
- good coffee
- good bakary food
- beautiful language

So far this is what I'm thinking of Paris.
My first 2 weeks are just the way you would like your first 2 weeks in a new country to be like.
I'm ready for the next 2 weeks :)

- With Love -
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I still feel blessed for having had the chance in my life to live in Paris. I love this city and even though my experience here hasn't been as pleasant as I hoped, the city somehow never let me down.

So what comes to my mind when I think about Paris today - almost 7 months later!

- diversity in people, Here you can see people from all over the world and I love that they still dress in traditional ways as they would in their countries. It brings a lot of colors to the crowd.
- amazing bakery products. It's dangerous but so worth it :)
- people kissing, no matter where you are, what's the weather people always show affection and kiss in public.
- Good coffee.
- reading in the metro - it makes me feel less stressed and I love it
- Amazing parks where people gather to enjoy the weather, each other company and see and be seen.
- beautiful buildings. Although I'm not into architecture I love to see beautiful buildings and Paris has enough of them
- lively city - it doesnt matter what time I am walking around there are always people walking along, sitting somewhere and making the city so alive.
- random parking. Paris is over crowded and its hard to find a parking so people park their cars everywhere

These are just few of the first things that came to my mind when I thought about what Paris means to me.
But more than this Paris has another meaning for me as well.
It's the place where I realized how ready I am for the life outside AIESEC.
It's the place where I have shared 7 months of frustration, pain and hurt but still I love the city.
It's the place where I learned how strong I am as an individual and it made my relationship with family and friends stronger as well.
For that I will also remember Paris fondly.

I know I will be back here someday in the future.. for what I'm not sure.. but I love this place too much not to come back!

- with love -

Are you worthy of a smile?

How much is a smile worth?

It might be a strange question but bare with me in my thoughts.
I love seeing people smile and I also love hearing that my smiles bring smiles and joy to others.
But in today's world, full of stress and competition, do we smile enough?

Few days ago on my way home I was listening to my music and waiting for the Metro when I realized that I was smiling. So I started looking around at the people at the metro station and no one had a smile on their faces. People looked sad, bored or stressed.

A dear friend of mine, Ali, once walked around Reykjavik smiling at people to see their reactions.
And if i remember correctly most of them smiled back. They were glad to see someone who enjoyed themselves, showing some emotions - I think.

Another smile story from me.
I always remember at one conference when I was passing my fellow MCP and smiled, he came back to me to thank me for my smile and greetings. He had been having a bad day and my smile made him feel better.
It was extremely nice to be told that your smile made someones day!

From this, I decided to ask the question I started with.
How would you "price" a smile?

For someone, your smile can be priceless.
Keep that in mind!!!

I think people forget the power of a smile in todays world.
A smile can really have a power on your mind and if you smile you look happier, you feel happier and people around you relax and feel better as well.

But also smile for yourself.
I read somewhere that a smile you smile when no one is around is a genuine smile.
So keep smiling, make someones day and feel better.

That is how much a smile is worth!

- with love -

Dreaming - is it right or wrong?

The topics of my posts are often quite related as the same topic reoccurs in my conversations.
Today I have been talking to my friends about dreams, hopes and expectations towards those dreams.
We were talking about if it's healthy for you to dream/want something and when/if you dont reach the dream - dont get what you want - that you start feeling bad, dragging yourself down or even doubt yourself.
So why would you?
Isn't it better to hope for nothing, be pessimistic and go with the flow like that?

My opinion is NO!!!

I realized in these discussions that my approach to this topic is as follows;
I believe in dreams.
I dream where I want to go in the future, what I want to accomplish. I dream of family and my career.
I dare to dream and work towards them.
Why?

Because my experience in the past has shown me that if I know what I want and work towards it, I get it.
But I have also experience the other side, meaning, dreaming about something and not getting it.
And of course I was sad.
But when I started to reflect on those dreams and the outcome of what would have happened if I had reached it, I also realized that these dreams weren't the right ones for me.
The dream was good, but the effect it would have, the situations it would have led me in would not have made me happy.

So my conclusion is, Not all dreams are meant to come true.

But you need to have something to strive for, that motivates you.
And if that dream doesn't come true then you have to get over it, find another dream and dream even bigger then before.
Its easily said then done because not realizing your dreams is sad and you will feel bad.
But you can not stay sad and blue.
You have to continue dreaming.

Another aspect of why people might think it's better not to dream and why you feel bad when you dont reach the dreams you have is, in my opinion, the fact that people dont just dream about something. They have built up this big expectation tree behind it. A tree that might not be realistic to begin with.
I know I do this as well, but I'm aware of it so I try to stop myself when I start to over think my dreams, build up expectations that I have now grounds for doing.
I need to learn not to put too much pressure and expectations on what should come out of my dream AFTER I realize it.

So I should focus on the dream and only the dream I want to reach and she what other dreams/hopes come from reaching them.

-with love-